Somewhat recently, I had an inspiration while watching one
of those older period type movies where
one of the female role characters was writing into her diary each day for
therapy and reflection. I had one of those epiphany moments as I saw that.
Implementing something along those lines could become a useful tool for us to
use in our FLR relationship! As result, into my marital tool box which now
contains several of his chastity devices, a couple of punishment straps of
various types and various other tools and toys of the dominants wife's trade,
we have added his daily journal into the mix. Actually, I have made it a point
of the fact that the journal belongs to me, it is my journal, my ownership not
his, but he has been tasked with writing in it and keeping its content up to my
expectations each day. The journal which I bought for him has the year boldly
embossed on its outer floral covering, and within it there is basically one page devoted to
each day of that calendar year. The day of the month and the month of the year
is printed on each blank page of the journal. The empty pages of each day are
closely ruled, but otherwise empty. We keep the journal in the drawer of my
home/office desk where it is easy for me to spot check as I work from home
every day. Generally, I just take a very quick glance at it each day just to
make sure he’s keeping it current. He is disciplined by me (not enjoyably) if
the entries in my journal are not kept up to date with the previous days
activities as the last entry within it. Then every Sunday night we have now
established a small ritual where I am sitting comfortably at the couch reading
through the weeks journal entries to myself as he kneels on the floor by my
feet, massaging them with oil or lotion. I’ll make some occasional comments or
observations to him out loud as I read through it, and the review session
finally ends with my signing my journal at the end of that current week under
review. Along with my signature I will also make a very brief journal entry of
my own below my signature with one of these three standard weekly grades:
1) Meets expectations.
2) Needs improvement.
3) Exceeds expectations.
Based off his weekly grade we can than have further
discussions outside of the journal activity where we can work on and strive for
his continued devotional improvement. If he achieves a grade of needs
improvement, we can also talk about that as well as provide the necessary
correctional steps to get him on the right path. This might just be verbal
coaching on my part, physical discipline and correction from me or a
combination of both. If he continually exceeds weekly expectations then that
might set him up for some sort of merit reward for being a good boy. If he is
solidly meeting expectations week after week, then that too is also something
which can be addressed. He clearly needs to at times go the extra mile for me,
for us, and our FLR relationship, to earn those exceeds expectations remarks.
These are the types of daily entries which I expect for him
to make in my journal each evening, at the days conclusion:
1) A daily accounting/summation
by my husband, of all of the “standard” acts of devotion he has bestowing upon
me that day. By listing all devotional FLR related tasks which he has provided
me (us) we can monitor and track his progress with each area of devotion. This
helps set his weekly tempo and helps for him to schedule and keep track of all
his assigned tasks. So this is where he notes things such as cleaning the
floors, cleaning the bathroom, laundry, dishes, my foot massages, making my bath ready fro me, his yard work
etc, etc. The standard devotional items we expect him to perform during the
course of a normal week in our FLR marriage.
2) Any other devotional items
he has bestowed upon me which are sort of one offs and outside of the normal
group of devotional tasks he typically provides me with during the course of a
typical week. These type of entries will lead to his earning his exceeds
expectations grades. Examples might be a special one off gifts to me, a
surprise event such as taking me to a play or concert, buying me a bottle of
perfume with his weekly allowance etc. Doing anything not already scripted and
established and uniquely special to me/us.
3) He will also record if he
had received a pegging that night. I insist that its not enough for him just to
record that fact that it occurred, but I also want him to write a brief but
somewhat detailed statement on how much he enjoyed the pegging and how he felt
while receiving it. I want to feel some genuine emotion in his accounting, not
just a recording of “yea I got pegged”.
I want him to come to terms with how much he really has come to enjoy
these sessions and how they have replaced intercourse involving his penis. Writing
about it with some detail I find makes it more real for him and exposes his
arousal and need to receive his pegging from me. It also helps to keep me
engaged (and aroused) with providing him with this type of reward. I like
reading about his experiences.
4) I want him to record what he
felt his seepage was for that specific day. This is going to be light, medium
or heavy as an entry into his journal. This is just an estimation of what he
felt his pre-cum output was for the day. Since he is in long term chastity and
does receive regular teasing from me, he does tend to drip throughout the day,
to various degrees. I want to keep track of that amount so to speak. This helps
me with understanding what works for teasing and what does not. It’s sort of a
barometer to me to gauge my efforts, and where he might stand while engaging in
long term chastity and orgasm denial. If he has several days of high flowage -
I know that what I am doing is working or perhaps working to well and that I
have to dial it back a bit etc. If he reports low output that might indicate
other issues which I may wish to adjust for. Most of the time I want to keep
him right on the teetering edge, but I don’t want him to prematurely tilt and
have an orgasm even if its some sort of ruined orgasm or just a large unneeded
outflow which will detract from our game plan.
5) If he experienced any sort
of significant drainage that day outside of his more normal dripping, ie any
sort or ruined orgasm, nocturnal emission, or just any sort of noticeably out
of the ordinary drainage I want him to record it, I want to know about it! I
also want him to record the specific circumstances surrounding that emission. I
want to know what was going on in his mind and body that triggered the event.
This might be something like prostate milking with my hand or dildo, or from a
pegging, or just waking up from a dream all wet. Him over venturing off into
fantasy world with his thoughts too much, and turning his mind to mush. I want
to know the detailed specifics, his self analysis, especially if it was one of the fantasizing
variety of events that triggered his emission. This helps me to understand his
various triggers and cravings. This helps me tailor our system of tease and
denial and helps me to further understand and control his various submissive
needs and desires.
6) I want him to make a
detailed entry relating to his current state of chastity and denial. What he is
currently feeling emotionally, what is his current degree of struggle is with
the process and his state of mind. Did he wake up with painful morning wood
that morning? How many times in round about numbers has he felt himself trying to erect throughout
that day. Again this helps me to establish what is his current state of mush is
and helps me to adjust my dominant activities accordingly.
7) Did he receive any
discipline or correction that day? He needs to record it. What were the exact
circumstances behind it. What was his side of the story and how was he wrong
with his transgression. Did he feel it was unfair. What was the exact
correction or discipline that he received. What he will try to do to correct it
so that it doesn’t repeat.
8) What was his favorite tease
that he received from me that day and specifically why? What made it so special
or arousing to him. How did his body react when he received it. I want and
expect the details from him.
9) Updating all of the general
statistics I want him to keep track of each and every day. I like statistics.
a)
How many orgasms he supplied me that day if any.
Sometimes its zero, but more rarely. Sometimes its just one, but more
usually its 2 and occasionally higher -
it just depends. And then what the cumulative total for the year is on my
orgasms. I find that this helps keep him in tune with his submission to me to
know how often he has been able to please me to the point of my orgasm. He
really takes pride of his abilities in this department, and I want him to be
fully aware of how good he is with that tongue of his.
b)
His own orgasm count for the year. Not normal or
high leakage or ruined orgasms but his count of full blown conventional orgasms
for the year. Again I want him to be keenly aware of what the required
difference is between our orgasm schedules. I want him to explicitly know/feel
where he is at with this figure each day.
c)
I want him also to record the actual date of his
last full blown orgasm. This date will likely stay the same with the vast
majority of his daily entries, but I want him to be in full knowledge of that
specific date at all times. I want it cemented, its helps build his sexual
angst.
d)
How many consecutive days in chastity he currently
is at. It we quickly have to remove his device temporarily for cleaning or what
not that doesn't count as being out of chastity for him. Only if its the better
part of a day, that then counts as a reset counter for him.
e)
His current count for how many times in the year
he has been pegged by me. Since this number will be much higher than his total
orgasm count. This one really messes with his mind and keeps him feeling very
submissive to me.
f)
He will step on the scale and record his
physical weight. This is helpful to us both in many ways. He feels like a
sexier and more virile man when his weight is in check. When he is holding a
steady and healthy weight it helps me to ensure that hes going to be around a
long while providing me with what I need….etc. Its just good for him and the
marriage.
This is about it. These are the
expected entries he is currently making for me. It might sound like a lot of
overhead for him, perhaps unrealistic to some. But trust me its not. Now that
he is over a month into the writing process, I would say it takes him no more
that 15 minutes each night to update my journal. We have made a small template
sheet that he references as he writes into the journal to make sure he is
ticking all of the required entries into my journal, It’s like anything else once you establish a
repetitive process, it becomes easier and more natural. I think he actually now
looks forward to writing in the journal for me.
What are the benefits and what is
the point of this? Huge I think! From my/our results so far, from the visible
effects to his daily state of mind, I wish we had implemented this long long
ago, I really do. Outside of providing me with some sort of analytical view and
feedback into what is going on with him and his mind, his mush factor, its a
window into the FLR part of our marriage and all of its associated activities.
The best and most important part of this exercise is the effect its having on
his mind, his submission and his state of heightened arousal. Writing about his
experiences is like a daily mind fuck for him. Just like wearing his panties
and wearing his chastity device each day for me, this is playing with his mind
in delicious ways every single night. Its molding his mindset into a specific
frame right before he goes off to bed and helps to fuel his fires for the next
day. I can really feel his increased arousal and submission each day since we
have started this. Men are typically so non verbal and closed up. This is
helping him to be more expressive. Perhaps what he feels less comfortable
verbalizing to me, he is more comfortable writing to me instead, and his
comfort is growing with each repetition of this exercise. It also provides a
concrete way for him to feel appreciated for all that he does for me and the
relationship.
What he gifts me each and every day is there in black and white.
I read through his journal each week and sign off on it. I give him a grade! So
he knows that I am fully and 100% aware of what he is giving up for me, what he
is providing me. He is not existing in some sort of ungrateful vacuum of
unawareness by me. It helps him to know that he is appreciated and that I
understand what he is going through for me and us. He’s not anonymous in what
he does. I think it also helps him to
understand everything special that I have embraced and am providing him daily
to keep him in his desired state of being. Its not a one way give and take,
both parties are of benefit. You get the
point, but its a very important point and its vital to the enduring nature of
what we have going on in our relationship. I would suggest that more couples
give this a try, adjust it to your specifics. I think you both will be
pleasantly surprised on the outcome, and…. its almost 100% free, the cost of a
book and a pen. It’s juicy reading as
well! I can tell you quite honestly it
makes me more than a bit wet to read and
review his journal entries each Sunday. If you like your romance novel and you
are living the FLR life you are definitively going to enjoy reading your
journal. I have a hard time not peeking into his entries each morning just to
get the latest visual on his state of mind!
-AJ
