Guest Submission: Chastity as a Relationship Tool; the ins and outs (By AJ)

 I was very excited to see a guest post in my inbox from AJ. AJ has submitted guest posts in the past and I always enjoy reading about her experiences in FLR and her female perspective on FLRs. She outdid herself with her latest post. It's is filled with lots of great advice and ideas for a leading a FLR/WLM.  Great to hear from you again AJ!  -Mz Kaylee

Chastity as a Relationship Tool; the ins and outs

An introduction to who I am….. I am a happily married woman who has been married now for about 25 years. For the past 6 years I have been living within an FLR structured relationship with my wonderful husband of those same 25 years. Within our current relationship, we are deeply engaged in the strict practice of male chastity and that is of the 24 x 7 long term chastity variety. My husband is typically allowed out of his device (discounting any urgent temporary medically related needs) only three times a year. So for basically 362 days of the year he lives in full time chastity. I allow him out three times a year, somewhat randomly, to keep his sexual drive alive for “conventional” sex. On one of those yearly occasions, I allow him to make love to me traditionally through PIV sex, and on one of the other remaining instances I will allow him to make love to me anally (my supreme gift to him on that one - actually I have come to enjoy it…). And on the third and final instance, I give him a full blown blow job to include allowing him to cum in my mouth and my also swallowing that said cum. Those are my three yearly special gifts to him - if he is good and behaves that is. Why just those 3 times?

First to not totally exclude those pleasurable activities from his life. I am not totally extinguishing his hope for occasionally partaking in those activities so pleasurable to him.

Secondly, by just allowing him those 3 specific instances, they become intensely special and therefore all the more pleasurable and rewarding to him and are ever so much ingrained upon his conscious and subconscious mind throughout the long dry spells. He lives with those 3 special days on his brain for the remainder of the year until the next wonderful gift is bestowed upon him from his queen.

Thirdly (an awkward sounding word) rationing these gifts out, they highlight my complete sexual control of his body and it clearly states who is in charge there and who is not. She who giveth can also take it completely away…. I allow him these three hallowed sexual flavors to make him absolutely aware of what he is giving up for me on those other 362 days of the year, and what adhering to chastity during those long 362 days can provide him as just reward if he continues to behave for me.

 Finally and absolutely most importantly, because rationing his orgasms enhances all of the other aspects of our FLR lifestyle, primarily those which live outside of the sexual arena. It serves to put him into that deep naturally occurring “subspace” which is essential for our FLR marriage to work and thrive. He is put into the right mindset to give selflessly to me every day of the year. He is also in the right mindset to see and receive all of the other gifts I present to him throughout the year. This is the dynamic which allows him to perform the vast majority of our household chores without rancor and with simple derived self pleasure. He likes doing the dishes for me, he likes doing the household laundry. He likes running my bath and massaging my feet. He does many things for the greater satisfaction of his wife and that provides him with a direct sexual and psychological kick. I am not saying this lightly or with jest. He actually is mentally happy to do these things for me and amazingly enough as well, he is frequently sexually stimulated by these acts. His penis frequently weeps with precum as he goes about his chores, I’ve seen this many a time now. It's like he becomes a perpetually simmering pot of hyper sensitized sexual energy within, and all of this energy is primarily directed towards me. This is also the dynamic which which allows my sexual pleasure to become his own pleasure. Almost every night he goes down upon me and almost every night I am guaranteed to get a minimum of one orgasm and even on some occasions two or even three. I’ve been able to train his tongue and lips like the oral stud he now is. While he is going down on me, he clearly is in his own special sexual nirvana. His tongue becomes his cock and he enjoys every stroke and every delightful flavor that I can offer. I could go on and on with these behavioral enhancements. I am 100% convinced that these nuances are all derived from his retaining for me. I know what I had before chastity and I definitely know what I have after prolonged chastity.

You might read all of the above and think “the poor guy”, so little in it actually for him. That I am just taking without giving. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. By his own verbalized admissions and by his own demonstrated behavior he loves our lifestyle and thrives upon it. Sexually its not a one way street just for my pleasure. You cannot just lock a man and forget it and expect everything which I mentioned above to work and come to fruition. As his wife I have responsibilities to keep the FLR dynamic and passion working and fruitful for him. But I’m here to tell you that what I need to provide him daily to do that is so incredibly easy for me. Because of what he does for me daily and so selflessly and from his heart, I am therefore more than happy and excited to provide him also with what he needs. Its so incredibly easy and simple to maintain his FLR passion. A few minutes a day on my part fuels him for an entire day of devotion. Praise his acts of devotion, "good boy," "good girl," or "you sexy man" (or whatever endearment that works to get into his head that day). "You did such a good job of folding my panties, I’m so proud of you" and pat his crotch with affection. As he is bent over the sink doing the dishes, come up behind him and rub his crotch or rub his ass suggestively. When you notice his cock weeping with precum, take notice of it. Wipe it with your finger and lick it, or have him lick it off. "Good Boy." Take his clothes from him and have him walk around the house naked for your pleasure. Make him wear a pair of your dirty panties on another day. "Your such a wonderful pussy licker." "I love when you eat my ass out." Be vocal and dirty when he’s driving you crazy with his tongue. 

Let him know he's doing a good job, encourage him. Be in command and direct his tongue to best stimulate you. Men of this mindset get in the zone by being commanded and directed. In the morning or evening before bed, cup his naked balls in your hand and take a minute to apply body lotion to them in a sexual manner, "good boy, your balls feel so heavy." Smile knowingly at him. Cop a feel of his caged package quickly and secretively while in public places. "You did a really nice job raking out the lawn," and pat his ass briefly through his pants. All extremely very low energy easy stuff and it takes literally less than 5 minutes a day to refuel his tank this way. You get the idea here. Invest 5 minutes and get a day in return, pretty good trade off I would say. 

On top of all of this indirect sexual innuendo which I lavish on him daily, I also occasionally provide him with other more direct methods of sexual fulfillment. We have come to enjoy pegging in our relationship. Its an exchange of power and very physical and enjoyable for him (and me). He is loathe to admit that he does enjoy it, but we both know that he does. That’s part of the FLR aspect of it for the both of us. I enjoy taking his ass possessively and that fact that I don’t necessarily wait for his agreement to do so (figuratively speaking) enhances the act for us both. I am the dominant and he is the submissive. I am not raping him, he just struggles with what he views as the traditionally gay aspect of this act, and I push pass those barriers to which he tries to put in place as I peg him as needed and upon my random discretion. Very frequently now, I am able to milk his prostate with our pegging sessions, and he oozes quite the puddle of cum for me from these sessions. I further kink up this activity by insisting that he eat his own cum when this happens (in fact any time when he cums he must eat it up). It really messes with his mind in a overall positive manner when this occurs. I also have come to really enjoy this act. It has been an evolution process for us both. I really relish the feeling of control and dominance over him and it makes me very wet to see how he ultimately responds to it. 

Finally, he has also managed to have several totally hands free orgasms over the years. They are rare but they do occasionally occur. By hands free I mean nothing up the butt, no touching or contact of any sort. For us this seems to occur very sporadically when he has been retaining for a long period of time, when he is particularly mentally over stimulated and when he is engaged in orally pleasuring me. When all of these psychological stars align in his mushy brain, sometimes that results in him experiencing a slow draining of his prostate, very much like a milking but without the direct stimulation of his prostate. Extremely hot for me to observe this when it has occurred. For me this is like getting the academy award for doing everything right in our FLR relationship. Its an affirmation that we are doing something very right for how we have mutually defined our relationship. So really he does orgasm more than those 3 times a year. Its just that I limit the more conventional methods and orgasms to 3 times a year and the other times are just more like ruined orgasms.

I guess there is also one other additional benefit or change that has resulted directly from our long term chastity play and how it has shaped our FLR relationship and our sexual DNA. As a woman, I was always more in touch with the emotional and romantic aspects of relationships. Sex was just a nice by product for me but I really longed for the romantic aspects of a relationship and sex was definitely secondary for me. Men as I think we all know, are very physical in nature typically. The touch and feel and romance is not a natural condition for them. They quite frankly are all typically about sticking it in a hole and cumming. As our marriage has evolved from following the straight and narrow vanilla marriage to this definitely kinky FLR marriage, both of these stereotypical definitions of what a man needs and what a woman needs, have shifted from these somewhat opposing bookends to a meeting point which is more closely at the center. While I still greatly enjoy romance (and get it in spades from him) I have also achieved a much more sexually physical self. Basically I have come to really enjoy the physical and psychological nature of having sex, much like a man traditionally experiences. For his part, particularly when he has not ejaculated for a significant period of time and has not been provided with that hormonal release, he has definitely become more emotionally sensitive and emotionally needy as well. So he has developed some of the attributes that we would typically define for a woman, the need for touch and feel and dare I say, some romance. So I think it definitely has brought us together this special way as a couple. Pretty cool I would say.

This was the why and the benefits of chastity as I have experienced them in my marriage. I will write another post on the how to best implement chastity. Stat tuned.....

-AJ

Try Something New

I find that submissive men in a marriage are like hi IQ kids in a classroom. Before you get too excited guys, I am not saying that you are super smart. What I am referring to is that intelligent kids get bored in the traditional classroom. They need to be held to a higher standard and be given constant challenge in order to stay engaged in learning. I find that my husband is the same way with submission. When I keep his environment structured and challenging, his submission is high and he is happier while also being more productive for me. If I leave my foot off the "dominant" pedal for too long, then it has the opposite effect. He starts to be disengaged and not as happy.

So how does one keep the submissive constantly challenged? I do it by instituting changes in rules and expectations throughout the year as well as trying new things. The changes are often small but every so often I throw in a big change to really spice things up and deepen his submission to me. Smaller changes are easy to implement and due to the psychology of submission, can have a big impact on the submissive. New rules are a good example. When I added the rule that my husband was not permitted to sit at the head of the dining room table it had a lasting submissive impact on him. In the moment the rule was established he felt a part of his authority diminished and that excited him. Eventually it just becomes a part of normal life for him but in the weeks after the rule was established, he felt the submissive twang in him every time he sat at the table. Small changes like that every few months keep his submission fresh.

Some of the bigger changes that I have made in past include: requiring him to wear panties 24/7, establishing a weekly review routine and ritual, and putting him on a spending allowance. I see these bigger changes as things that significantly impact his and/or my daily or weekly routine. The changes tend to make big strides in propelling the WLM/FLR forward. Taking control of his orgasms is another big change, but it seems that for most couples, that is one of the first things done in establishing the dom/sub dynamic. I would imagine that for many people, the bigger changes occur as the relationship reaches a new level of maturity. I think it is beneficial for women in WLMs to proactively institute big changes every few years. These types of changes challenge and significantly stimulate the submissive mind and also increase the authority and power of the wife.

I also incorporate fun one-time events to keep his submission strong. I may indulge in one of his fetishes or fantasies one night or just spend a weekend being super strict and demanding with him. The "Boot Camp" that I wrote about previously is another example of a one-time event that keeps his submission strong. Each year I also plan a few weekends away with just the two of us and they often turn into fun weekends where I press his submissive hot buttons. When we are away, I tend to let loose on my inhibitions. The one-time events are fun for both of us and many times result in deep intimacy that brings us closer together as a couple. Many people have shared with me that they experience this same feeling of deep intimacy and closeness after an intense domination/submission experience. It truly is remarkable and something that can not be understood until you experience it yourself.

The one-time events have a very positive impact on the relationship. Not only do they keep things fun, but it deepens his submission and help build the confidence and dominance of the wife. I've noticed that my husband's submission is very high for days or even weeks afterward and he is very appreciative that I've indulged in his fantasy.  This creates loyalty in him and a strong desire to want to please me. For, me the events have been great confidence builders. When I role play or try new things, I step outside of my normal role knowing that it is just fantasy. Sometimes it felt weird or uncomfortable at first but as I immersed in the fantasy and saw the positive reactions from my husband (or felt the unexpected arousal within me), it turned fun and exciting. For example, the first time I ever spanked my husband, it felt very weird when we started but by the end I got so excited I actually had an orgasm while spanking him. The more you role play and try new fantasies or kinks, the less weird it becomes and for women, and this can dramatically increase their comfort level with being dominant. Quite often the the things I do in the fantasy sessions end up being things that I later incorporate into our normal routine. Having Thomas wear panties started out as just fantasy fun every now and then, and here we are years later and he wears them 24/7. The last point I want to make regarding one-time events is that for women new to domination, doing fantasy domination one night a month can be a great and fun way to dip your toe into the lifestyle and build your confidence. Eventually that one night can turn into a whole weekend and then a whole week, and before you know it your doing it every day.  

So I challenge the women readers of this blog to try something new in 2021. Step out of your comfort zone and do something different with your husband. Think of it as a Christmas present for him. He will love it! I think most times you will find an unexpected excitement when you do this but it's ok if it doesn't turn out the way you planned or if in the end you didn't like it.  Part of the fun is experimenting and seeing what works.  Below are a few ideas. If categorized them as small, big, and one-time but many of the ideas are interchangeable among categories depending on how you implement them.  For example some of the one-time events could turn into regular events that lead to a big change or some of the bigger changes could be done just as a one-time event. Also, there is no rule that says that once you implement a change you have to keep it. If after a few weeks or months, you are bored with the change, than stop doing it and give something else a try. There are many things over the years that I've done for a period of time and then replaced it with something else.  Enjoy and please report back on how it goes!

Small Changes

• Add a new weekly chore - spend time training him on it and reviewing his performance
• Add new/more strict expectations to an existing chore. Examples: add deadlines, chairs around table must be aligned perfectly, towels must be folded perfectly, etc.
• Evolve or changeup an existing routine, rule, or expectation
• if he wears panties, buy different styles so they feel different on him, add stockings, or make him wear a sexy garter around his thigh on special occasions; if you treat him like a pet, but him a tail or dog tag with his name engraved on it.
• Make him wear a special outfit during routine/chore such as a collar or maid's outfit or make him do it naked
• Turn regular foot massages into foot worship by making him kiss your feet before and after he massages them; make him say a mantra before massaging you.
• Add new rules such as: he must ask for permission to use remote, can only sit in one chair in the living room, must kneel when asking for something, or must sit when going to the bathroom
• Tell him to do things instead of asking him to do them. 

Bigger Changes

• Put him into a chastity device - this can be permanent or used occasionally for fun, punishment, or motivation 
• Make the decision to include punishment and discipline into your relationship
• Add new rituals or routines 
• A formal weekly review/discipline routine
• A transition ritual for him when he comes home from work - something to shift his mindset from work to serving you and being submissive
• Bedtime or morning ritual - these can include you (undress/dress you, kiss your feet, thank you for allowing him to serve you, etc.) or can be a ritual that he does on his own to prepare for the coming day and stay focused on serving you.
• Greeting ritual when you arrive at home such as immediately stopping whatever he is doing and coming to you, take your coat, and asking how he can serve you; he must silently kneel upon your arrival and await for you to 'release' him or give him instructions, or he must kiss your feet.
• Rules that take away some of his freedom or rights - no talking each night during certain hours, must ask permission to go out with friends or do activities
• Put him on a weekly spending allowance; takeaway or monitor his access to credit cards and bank accounts
• Significantly alter his wardrobe or appearance - must wear collar in the home, must be naked in the home or while doing certain things, get a tattoo that brands him or is symbolic of his submission to you, you pick out his outfit everyday, must always keep his balls shaved, you decide his hair style, etc.
• Make the decision to deeply explore a fetish or kink and incorporate it permanently into the relationship. Examples include feminization, strap-on, pet play, infantilism, chastity, bondage. Exploring a fetish or kink can lead to an exciting new journey within your relationship and is a fantastic way to spice things up. Take your time exploring. You don't have to do it all at once. I take great pleasure in slowly taking him down a path, making little changes over time. That in itself is a mind fuck for him because he does not know what's coming next or when will it end.

One-Time Events

• Spend a night or weekend 100% focused on one of his fetishes or fantasies
• Make him worship your ass with his tongue- this will remind him if his place beneath you.
• Try a new kink - pet play, feminization, spanking, ass worship, bondage
• A long and intense teasing and denial session; make sure he pleasures you in-between teases; I often enjoy doing this for several days. He is putty in my hands after a few days of intense T&D.
• Wear a new fetish outfit - surprise him with it or make him buy it for you. It's even fun to shop for it together.  
• Be extra strict and demanding for a day or weekend
• Have him pamper you and wait on you hand and foot all day - make him plan the day for you.
• Small "power moves" can get his submissive juices flowing- the revers spooning (you spoon him), order him to lick your finger that's covered in his precum, be physically aggressive with him, call him "slave" or tell him "good boy," hold his head tightly between your thighs.

-Mz Kaylee

The Cheese (Guest post by John Dalton)

Please enjoy this guest post by John Dalton. In his post John formulates several opinions, drawing on his personal experiences with WLM. I appreciate his well thought out post and I look forward to the ensuing discussion from all of you. -Mz Kaylee

I am sure most readers of this blog are men longing for female authority in their life. Some would disagree but I am convinced that all men are born with this desire but it takes time and experience with the right woman to come to terms with this need. Unfortunately, due mostly to socialization and the general nature of women it is very unlikely that a women will ever consider dominance as a means to attract the attention of men . This is very unfortunate as a dominant presence is much more effective than all the typical adornments that women apply in their efforts to attract male attention. 

As enlightened men, we often look for ways to entice the women  in our lives to become more dominant. This may work for a moment but we forget that women are very intuitive and quickly see that the cheese is part of the trap . Typically the “ cheese “ in most new Female Led relationships seems to start out with the man taking on more household duties and allowing the woman to have more time to luxuriate in her new found place of authority. The energy of this dynamic usually  fades over time because the cheese comes with a whole new list of responsibilities to fulfill his desire for submission. She may not be scrubbing the floors now but she is still serving his needs and desires . 

It is my opinion that the paradigm shift that Mz Kaylee so eloquently describes is like an awaking or new perspective that occurs at the core of the relationship. As the woman matures and truly understands the empowering concepts of a WLM/FLR she begins to relax in her authority and channel the energy away from his desires to hers. Odd as it may seem, most men experience their own paradigm shift at this point and find the terms of the new relationship even more fulfilling. The fantasy play of the past is replaced with an application of authority and direction that serves her desires and  actually adds practical value to her daily life. The cheese is now on a silver platter and elegantly served according to her desires.

If we look deeper into the elements of this change I believe many women and therefore couples often abandon the concept of a WLM at the edge of the paradigm shift. The unknown of the abyss is scary because intuitively she knows that there can be no return to the traditional concepts of marriage. Everything she values in love and relationship is on the line  with only a promise of a new beginning that is counter to everything she has been taught.

It is at this juncture, a place she has likely retreated from many times before, that she realizes that there is no return to the normalcy of a traditional relationship. The experiences and vivid memories of what she thought was only  sexual  play have become part of their intimate bond and cannot be undone. His deep and before hidden desires of submission have been laid bare while she has experienced the often confusing but very real effects of power and control  in the relationship. All pretense of equality is gone as she realizes that her authority goes far beyond play. Her fear and instincts tell her to run but the door is closed to the patriarchal ways of the past. Whether chosen or sought , the paradigm shift has become real for both. He is no longer a husband but rather a willing and dedicated  servant to the woman he cherishes. If he expects to be her lover he will have to earn that privilege daily. She has become all powerful and has forever put aside any ideas of service to her husband. The  privileges of an empowered woman are likely far from her visions of love and marriage but in some mysterious way it seems like she has come home to a truth she has always known. Her confidence grows as she begins to understand that her power is no longer given and therefore cannot be taken away. His submission to her is still a choice  but his love and desire for her is now ten fold . His source of happiness and contentment are found in service to her. This is an age old concept that is found in virtually every part of our  marriage culture but remains taboo in the traditional sense of relationship . Men are only allowed to give service to their wife as part of the “ happy wife , happy life “ excuse .

I believe the paradigm shift is part of a life changing transformation that goes beyond the confines of the relationship. Younger women with less socialization to the concepts of a patriarchal society find this transition much less difficult while older women struggle and may never find the courage or even desire to complete the transition. I was encouraged to write this post after reading lady Di’s comments about her struggles as she approaches the paradigm shif . I think all women experience the same issues and are confused as they approach the cross over point. She may be convinced that a FLR/WLM is truly the way forward  but in real life it  still remains awkward and challenging . I would liken this to a Women that suddenly realizes that she has won a trip to England . This has always been a dream ! She is filled with excitement  until she finds the voucher for her car rental. Her dream vacation turns into a nightmare as she considers driving in strange places on the wrong side of the road! England sounds beautiful but not if she has to drive! 

Power in the relationship might have been something that she struggled to obtain but not something that she ever imagined would be laid at her feet. The struggle for power and control is something all couples deal with in marriage and relationships. The paradigm shift enables her to approach problems and challenges from a new perspective .The dominance of play becomes part of her demeanor as she  realizes that a dominant presence has  value in everyday life . Like the afore mentioned woman that won the trip to England , the fear and dread  of driving fades as she considers that there are hundreds of  handsome young men living in England that would find great privilege in driving her around the city! As an empowered woman the solution is there but she has to overcome the meekness and fear that comes with change.

The point of my rambling is to encourage women to boldly embrace the paradigm shift. The man that introduced her to this lifestyle may initially reject the new and powerful woman she has become but his rebellion will quickly fade as his submissive desires take control . Like her ,he will experience the paradigm shift as he falls deeply into a submission that is complete and is no longer based on his fantasy but rather the fulfillment of her desires . This can be  a very contentious point in the transition and not a place couples should linger. The woman must establish her place of authority with  straightforward changes that move the relationship away from the sexual play of dominance to real life demands and expectations. Going back to lady Di’s comments , it is not the application of more dominant sexual play that will raise his commitment to the principles of a WLM/FLR but rather the maturing of her authority that is presented with an unyielding  expectation of obedience and adoration. If he chooses to be disobedience than he will do so at the loss of fulfilling his most urgent need of submission . The threat of loosing her or at the minimum  a return to the principles of a vanilla relationship will motivate him far more than new or harsher disciplines. I am not trying to suggest that dominant play should be removed from a mature FLR/WLM but as the paradigm shift occurs it should become an outward expression of her dominance rather than the foundation or means of her authority. Her power and control should no longer be based on role play and will not be contained to the confines of the relationship. As her confidence grows so will her dominant presence. Her life perspective will change as she realizes that as part of the paradigm shift, she is no longer the property of her husband but rather he has become her property. Seemingly a minor play on words but very powerful when acknowledged in the contents of marriage.

I often find that I have a deeper perspective into the principles of dominance and submission and tend to overthink the subject. I am truly intrigued by the WLM/FLR lifestyle and the amazing positive effects it can have on a relationship . I am certain my comments will be met with question especially from a pragmatic perspective. I hope to provoke positive thought and conversation that will motivate women to boldly approach the paradigm shift with the knowledge that what has already began cannot be undone.This is very heart felt subject and one that my wife and I have experienced. She has approached the paradigm shift many times over the years only to retreat back to the perceived security of a traditional relationship. Over time ,the reality, truth and happiness become hard to deny and  we find ourselves adapting to the principles of a WLM once again. It is my hope that someday we can mature and finally reach the other side. Either way, she is my only love and if we reach this goal it will be together.

Take care 

John Dalton 

2 Mllion Views!

Yesterday Femdom Think Tank reached 2 million all time views. It’s exciting to see so many people reading my posts. It is fantastic that there is an increasing interest in Wife Led Marriage/Female Led Relationships. Let’s face it, guys are happiest under the thumb of a woman and kneeling at her feet 😄.

Thank you all for reading and participating through discussion. The more we talk about it the more we learn and grow in our relationships and help others discover the greatness of WLM/FLR. Let's keep it going!

-Mz Kaylee

Another Exception Allowed

Earlier this week, I allowed Thomas to pleasure me. In the midst of the pleasure he ended up on top of me and we had sex that way. This is not normal for us. He is not allowed on top during sex. He is not even allowed to thrust unless I tell him to, which is not often. Usually I use him like a sex toy for my pleasure. Having these rules is one of the many ways that I exert my control over him and enforce his submissive status in the relationship. He broke the rule by even trying to do it, but I allowed it. I was just in the mood for it. Perhaps he sensed that I wanted it and took his chances. Once he was inside of me, he knew I was allowing him a very special privilege. I think it excited him more, which made it more torturous for him because he was not allowed to cum. So there he was - on top and thrusting, something he's not used to doing anymore. If felt great and I had an incredible orgasm. He managed to do it all without having an orgasm but I know he did not want to stop and I know he wanted to orgasm bad. Instead I sent him to kneel in the corner for a few minutes to calm down. It is exciting to have that control over him and I know he loved being denied. As much as he wanted to orgasm, he got a greater thrill from being denied. I love it!

Exceptions to the rule are fine from time-to-time. Your WLM/FLR is not written in stone and so it is ok for the leader to bend the rules every now and then or change the rules. Notice that I said leaders. It's not ok for your subbies to bend rules - you get punished for bending the rules. Sorry, that's just how it works :). 

I had a feeling that I had wrote about this before and so I searched my blog and sure enough, I posted about this in Dec 2015.  I guess Thomas gets an exception to be on top every 5 years.

-Mz Kaylee

What things do you like the most about your Wife Led Marriage (WLM)/Female Led Relationship (FLR)?

As a reminder, you are welcome to submit a profile to be published on the blog so that others can learn about you and you can learn from others. Profiles are located in the menu on the right side of the blog main page. There is a template in the menu that you can use to submit your profile.  I have found the profiles to be full of great information and advice.  In this post, I share excerpts from the profiles on the question - What things do you like the most about your WLM/FLR? I will start with my response to the question. Enjoy!

No chores for me, no arguing from him, I give him an order and he responds immediately, no putting gas in my car, hot coffee served to me every morning, and I get to orgasm whenever I want....We have also grown very close together as a result of the WLM. We communicate with each other much more frequently and are more open about our feelings. I’ve always had a wonderful connection with my husband but the WLM significantly deepened the connection and intimacy with us.-Mz Kaylee

It helps me focus on the present and remove distractions  -Paul

I absolutely love the honouring and worshipping of my beloved wife.  It is an amazing level of joy for me to see her happy.  I also love that there is ZERO arguing…. I love the comfort and joy that comes from the level of respect that Mistress has for me in my role as her submissive/slave husband, and the strength and courage She feels that exists in me to allow her to be the only person on the planet that I would submit to.  -subhubphx

I’ve discovered I love being under a woman’s thumb, micromanaged, and strictly controlled.  Yes it’shard at times, but I absolutely love it. -Edward

The freedom and  the love he shows me everyday. -Pudsweda

I loved the fact that she had the chance to experience being the openly dominant one in our marriage before she left this world and I treasured having been her ‘traditional wife.’   -Tony

I am loved and cared for by a beautiful, powerful woman.  Growing up, I could never have imagined that. -Tommy

We are so in tune with each other and so much in love. Been married for over 20 years and it feels like we are newlyweds. The WLM most definitely is the reason for this. Our communication is so much better. We never have arguments. Although orgasms are infrequent for me, my sex life is off the charts – Joe D

So much. Starting with the incredible closeness, which after 31 years of relationship is greater than ever before. I'm amazed at how big my need to see her happy has become. At the same time I am amazed again and again how intense my desire to serve her has become. In 2017 - we had already been together for 29 years - I was as much in love with her as I was at 19 when we met  -Glow

I like having the final say on what movie we are going to watch and in the way we live our daily lives. I like that I get to decide how our relationship develops (the pace, the things we do or don’t do). I’m not good at asking others to do things for me, so I like that I am allowed to ask him to do things for me and I can ask him to give me sexual pleasure without feeling the need to reciprocate (this is difficult conditioning to reverse). I like that he gets pleasure from pleasing me. I like that I am allowed be my true self without apology (I’m still working on this). Lastly, and at first, surprisingly, I’m really liking the feeling of power I get from leading and controlling him. -Lady Di

I love our level of communication.  Since I told her my deepest secret upon meeting, there really has been nothing for me to hide from her.  I know she loves me deeply and that I can totally trust her.  She always cares about how I feel and always listens to me and then decides what is best for us and where she will lead us. -Sharlee

I love less fights. -Richard

We both get our needs met. When she hits my submissive buttons, I see my wife as a goddess. We are more close and loving now than before, if that was possible. -Gary

How I am treated and know that if I ask for something it is ok and I do not have to justify my wants/needs to anyone or feel fear to ask for something that some might say is selfish -Anne

She is much happier, and I am much happier too.  I feel like I am more in my “element” being surrendered and submissive to her.  Surrendering was key, telling her that I surrendered was humbling, yet very satisfying to me.   I love that our communication has improved 1000 %.  I love our weekly reviews, and after four years of doing them, if we skip a week, we both miss this specific time we spend together.  I love that my wife’s health has improved.  She is a very A Type personality, and since we have been on our Journey her sleep patterns have greatly improved along with other specific medical conditions that are typically attributed to A Types who internalize their stress.  Reducing her stress level has been joy to watch.  A better relationship, with better physical and mental health, has made for a better and enriched sex life. -Bob

 I think the things I like best are that I feel about her the way I felt when we were dating. Also you become very truthful with you wife, she doesn’t allow me to hide anything from her. -Alan

 Simply surrender and her being in control. The simplicity in some regards. -Mike

 

Submissive Men and Chores

There were quite a few comments and questions about chores in the comments of the last post so I decided to write a post on chores. Doing chores is probably not something most guys think about when they are are first venturing into female domination and female led relationships or wife led marriages. I'd be willing to bet most guys in the beginning would actually want to avoid chores and instead are viewing their submission mostly in a sexual way and thinking more about being forced to be a sexual slave or being punished and humiliated. This seems to be the typical guy fantasy.  It is fine as a fantasy and if you have a woman who is willing to indulge in that fantasy over and over again, then that's great and your are one lucky guy.

However, the reality for most guys is that the only women who are going to strictly indulge in their sexual submissive fantasy on an ongoing basis, are the ones that require payment. There is no shortage of professional dominatrix or online mistresses that will satisfy those desires so long as you keep paying them. If you want a real sustainable FLR/WLM then you need to look beyond the sexual fantasy. You need to adjust your fantasy to incorporate things that benefit your partner and appeal to her. Her being sexually dominant to you is not a sustainable benefit for her. Being dominant can be fun but it is also work. Unlike submissive guys who crave to be dominated, most women can live with or without it. 

Taking on chores is one way for the submissive fantasy to transcend into reality and to make it appealing to your partner. I think it is safe to say that most, if not all, women do not enjoy doing chores. I absolutely love that I don't have to do them anymore. I don't ever want to go back to doing chores and so that is motivation for me to lead the WLM and keep it going strong by incorporating femdom to motivate my husband. My husband is motivated by sexual pleasure and his strong desire to be controlled and I am motivated by him working for me, pampering me, and treating me like a Queen. We’ve found the balance between those motivators that works well for us as a couple.

An environment can be created by the woman to add excitement to the chores for the guy. This is done by incorporating female domination and making the chores meaningful to the guy by holding him accountable for completing them. Some examples of how to do this are outlined below:

Training - Make it a big deal when you train him on new chores. Have him naked or in panties or a maid outfit, or some other outfit such as a collar and cuffs. Pulling him around on a leash while training him is also fun. Be firm and clear on your instructions and expectations for how he is to do the chore. A dominant and demanding tone is exciting for him. Carrying a riding crop or paddle with you while training is also fun. Give his butt a little slap to enforce certain points or to correct him if he is not doing something right. Make sure his cock is hard during the training. Give it a few strokes when he is doing good. Hold it firmly while you are giving him instructions. I like using it as a handle to pull him around the house :). Associating pleasure with chores, makes it exciting for him. Make him write down the chore expectations and keep a chore journal so that he does not forget. Do not hesitate to retrain him again if he starts slacking off on a chore. Your submissive husband will be very excited and eager to be trained  on chores if you incorporate some of the above techniques or add your own dominant spin to the training. 

Incorporate Reviews and Discipline  If you do not review his work regularly, he will begin to slack off on chores. If you are home while he is doing chores, take a look at his work and give him immediate feedback. If he is doing good, give his cock a little rub or give him a kiss and tell him how pleased your are with his work. If he forgot to do something or did not do a chore to your expectations, let him know and make him fix it. It's up to you if you want to add any discipline. Usually pointing out his mistake is enough because guys feel bad about not meeting your expectations. Sometimes I will say, I'll add that to the list for our review session, which usually results in added time for his weekly corner time. If there is a recurring problem then a punishment may be in order to help him stay focused. My husband has been sent to the corner a few times for not hanging my clothes properly and he's missed a guys night out because he's forgotten to mop the kitchen floor. 

It is very important that the wife/gf pay attention to the chores and provide feedback, both positive and negative, to the guy on his performance with chores. It is especially important to do this when he is being trained on a new chore. This is what makes it exciting for him and motivates him to do a good job. The wife should be strict in how she evaluates his performance and should not feel bad about disciplining or punishing him when needed. This is what submissive guys want. They need structure, high expectations, and to be held accountable. It is also important to provide positive motivators and reward him when he is meeting expectations. A cock rub is a good motivator and indulging in his fantasies and fetishes is a nice reward to. I love that one of my husband’s favorite rewards is when I order him to pleasure me with his tongue. 

I recommend that the wife use a combination of immediate feedback when possible, and a weekly review of his performance. I often make notes in my phone throughout the week of things I notice and then review them with him at our weekly review session. When he is being trained on a new chore, I pay close attention and give him more immediate feedback until I feel he is doing it perfect. It takes commitment from the wife to pay attention to the chores and  give feedback. I was not good with this in the beginning but over time I realized that when I did not pay attention, he slacked off on chores but when I paid close attention, not only was he motivated to do them but he was excited about it. Eventually I made the realization that the amount of time needed for oversight and feedback was a fraction of the time I was previously spending on doing the chores and that when I supervised, the house stayed much cleaner than it ever was before we changed to a WLM.  This made it easy for me to accept the responsibility.

Make him wear a chore outfit  A chore outfit helps put him in a submissive mode and adds a little excitement for him. Chore outfits have a strong psychological effect on submissive guys The outfit can be as simple as requiring him to wear a collar and/or cuffs or making him do chores naked. A butt plug most definitely brings out his submissive feelings. For many guys being feminized while doing chores is very exciting. The role reversal of him being the house wife is an exciting humiliation. This can range from requiring him to wear panties all the way up to being fully feminized with a bra, stockings, garters, and dress. A maid outfit is also fun. I require my my husband to wear "maid panties" that are black silk and trimmed with white lace. He does chores on a daily basis but Sundays are the day in which he does most of the house chores so that is the day he wears the maid panties. If the kids are around, he wears them under his clothes. If they are not home, then he does he chores in nothing but the panties. Sometimes I will make him iron my clothes naked.

Change his Perspective

Instead of making chores about doing work, change his thinking to be that he is doing chores to serve you and make your life better. He should feel privileged to be a servant or slave to a Goddess. It sounds simple, but it adds meaning to what he is doing. I often refer to him as slave or maid when he is doing chores. That always gets a rise out of him and adds pep to his step.  Guys - this is something you can do own your own without prompting from her. You just need to reframe your mental state to view chores differently. I was lucky that my husband always had this attitude about chores so he was an eager trainer.

Should he do all the chores?

If you read my previous two posts, then you know that my husband does just about every chore in our house. Do not shed any tears for him or have pity for him. He can handle it and he is living his fantasy. I would not expect the husband to do most of the chores in every WLM. The amount of chores assigned to him depends on your current lifestyle and his ability to take on the work. For example, if you have a very active social life or if his job is demanding and requires extra hours, then he may be limited in the amount of chores he can take on. I would also not advise that you assign him a lot of chores all at once. This is sure to burn him out or create a lot of stress for him. It took many years for me to assign most of the chores to my husband. Part of the reason for the long transition was tied to our lifestyle. As the kids got older and the craziness of coaching, and running them around to sporting events and activities subsided, he had more time on his hands. Also, he took on a new job that was less demanding than his previous one, which gave him more time. Before all these changes, he would have struggled to take on a lot of extra chores and so I shared in the chore responsibility. Part of the transition of chores was also tied to his ability to take on more chores. I would train him on one chore and then wait for him to get it down and get into a good routine before adding another. Overtime he became good and efficient at doing his new chores and so he was able to take on more.

So where does one start with the chores and figure out the right allocation? I would hope that in most traditional marriages the chores are split pretty evenly among husband and wife. Therefore, unless there is some unusual circumstances, in a WLM the guy should be doing more than 1/2 of the chores. For me it was a no-brainer to start with having him clean the bathrooms because I don't like doing it. Bathrooms also have the connotation of a "woman's" job so making him clean them is a great form of role reversal domination. Laundry was another big one that I was happy to transition to him. Establishing rules and high expectations for the chores he is already doing is another way to add to your control. For example, prior to our WLM, my husband was responsible for cleaning the dishes. There were times when dirty dishes would sit around for hours and even overnight. After WLM I established a rule that all dishes had to be cleaned by the end of the night and that he had to wipe down all counters and the table. Later I updated the rule that dishes had to be done immediately after dinner and any dishes from the evening had to be done before he went to bed. It is so much better now that dishes are not piled in the sink. When you have clear rules and expectations, it keeps him focused on getting things done. It also makes it easier for you to evaluate his performance because you have very specific standards that he has to meet.

While you don't want to overwhelm him, do not be afraid to push him hard. Guys can handle a lot and if he truly is serving you, then he should be working hard for you. If he is not working for you then he is probably spending time surfing for porn or fantasizing about how he wants to be dominated more, so it is in your best interest to keep him busy and doing things for you as much as possible.  When you incorporate the perspective of female domination into his chores, there is a certain excitement and pleasure that he gets from being forced to work hard for  you. My sense is that a lot of women are too easy or their husband/bf and that the guys want to be pushed harder. 

 After reading all of the above, you can see that doing chores in a WLM is much different than doing chores in a traditional marriage. The chores become a part of the domination dynamic and therefore become meaningful and at times exciting for the guy. Chores become integrated into the submissive fantasy and so it is not all work and no play. It is work mixed in with fantasy which makes chores more tolerable and sometimes fun.

-Mz Kaylee 

A Typical Weekend in My Wife Led Marriage

Weekends for us are less structured then week days but I still have lots of tasks and expectations for Thomas. He is required to do a full house cleaning, which includes the bathrooms, vacuuming, and changing the sheets on the bed. He also takes care of the yard and gardens as needed, does the weekly grocery shopping and puts gas in my car. When he is doing the house chores on the weekend he is required to wear sissy maid panties and a cock strap. If the kids are out of the house, then he does the indoor chores in nothing but the panties. I love seeing him scurry around in them. If the kids are home, then he wears them under his clothes.

On weekends, I make him drive me around for any errands that I want to do. I may also send him on his own (in his errand outfit) to do errands. Less structure is needed because we may have kids activities to go to, social events, family events, or I may have errands to do. In general, I expect him to get the chores done by the end of the weekend regardless of the events of the weekend. However, there are times where I need to make exceptions because we are tied up for most of the weekend with social or famiy events. When that happens, he needs to finish up on Monday and he is required to wear the maid parities all day Monday.

It is fantastic for me as I get to relax on the weekend and may hang out with a few girl friends while he is working. We're a days trip to the beach so in the summer I may head to the beach for the day or weekend while he works. He may, with my permission, hang out with "the guys" on the weekends but he still needs to get his chores done. However, most of the time we do social events together. Sundays are typically reserved for ourselves so he turns down requests from his friends to hang out on Sunday.   

Weekends are also when I do his weekly review, which incudes his maintenance corner time. His reviews are mostly positive, which is the way it should be. If your husband is not consistently doing well then that's a problem that needs to be solved. Weekends are also when I allow him to pleasure me. It's not to say that I never allow him to pleasure me during the week, but most of the time I am just too tired for it on a week night. When there is pleasure for me it usually includes teasing for him but sometimes I just want to be pleased! He gets such a thrill out of pleasuring me, that even if I don't touch him, he is fully aroused and loves it so do not have pity on him. It is a privilege for him to pleasure me.

I will indulge in kinky play every now and then on the weekends, but it is not too frequent. I just need to be in the right mood and often have to plan for it. Long weekends and vacations are always great for getting me in the kink mood. Although every once in awhile it just strikes me in the heat of the moment. Those are often the best times! Of course, kinky means different things for different people. A lot of what I do on a daily basis would be considered kinky to others but for us, it's not kink unless it's outside of the normal routine. There are many people who say kink is not needed in a WLM. The people who say that are usually the ones who are not getting it-lol! It's like saying you don't need an easy pass at the amusement park. Yeah- that's true, but when I do have easy pass, the experience is so much better!! So while it is true that you can have a good WLM without kink, I believe kink takes the WLM from good to awesome. It is fun and truly does motivate submissive guys and keep them happy!

Back to the topic of weekends.....My weekends are loosely structured but one thing I do my best to keep consistent is the weekly review and corner time. That's been a game changer in our relationship. It keeps us in tune with each other and helps recharge Thomas and keep him focused on me. I have learned that for the benefit of both him and I, it is better to do a short review than no review at all. If you miss one review, then it makes it easier to miss the next one, and next thing you no you are off track.

So there you have it - I've shared the typical week in my WLM. There certainly are many other rules and expectations that factor into it and there are always different activities and events that may require the structure to flex a bit, but hopefully you get the general idea of how it works. Some people run their WLMs in a more extreme way and others are less extreme. You have to do what works best for you!

What questions do you have?

-Mz Kaylee.

A Typical Day in my Wife Led Marriage

During the week, every morning when I wake up, I have a hot cup of coffee, breakfast, and neatly pressed clothes waiting for me.  After breakfast, Thomas cleans up after me and then goes upstairs to make the bed, while I am on my way to work. Soon after, he is off to work, wearing panties under his clothes. He is required to dress in panties every day. During the work day we typically do not text or talk with each other unless there is a need. 

When I return home from work, I prepare dinner. I enjoy cooking so it is not a chore to me. Thomas  gets to enjoy the luxury of having dinner ready for him when he comes home from work. After dinner, I get up from the table, leaving all my dishes and trash for Thomas to clean up. He used to to do this at his leisure, but earlier this year I made it a rule that he needs to clean the dining room and kitchen and load the dishwasher immediately after we eat and not at his convenience. Once dinner is done I relax and watch TV or read. I sit in "my chair" which Thomas is not permitted to sit in. In the past I would often do errands at night but now I assign most of those to Thomas. I tell him what errands he needs to do and he obeys without complaint. He has a special errand outfit that he must wear anytime he does errands for me. It consists of a pair of pink silky panties accented with black and pink lace ribbons, a studded strap that goes around the base of his cock, and a butt plug. Anytime I give him an errand to do, he changes into this outfit and then when he returns home, he removes the items and changes back to his normal panties. Errands for him are not an every day thing. Usually just once or twice a week but sometimes for fun, I will give him two separate errands in the same day so that he has to change in and out of the outfit more than once. I just love that he is walking around in public with a plug up his ass. It keeps him in a very submissive mind while he is away from me and certainly keeps him out of trouble. I've noticed that he usually horny after errands.

In the evenings, if time allows, Thomas may watch TV with me. We have a few Netflix and DVR shows that we like to watch together. While watching the shows Thomas will often be folding laundry or starting a new load of laundry. He is 100% responsible for keeping up with all the laundry in the house. Around 9pm I head upstairs to get ready for bed. I lay out my work clothes for the day and take a shower or bath. While I am in the bathroom, Thomas will iron my clothes. Then I am off to bed and Thomas goes downstairs to finish up his nightly duties, which include emptying the dishwasher, letting the dog out, tidying up the house so it looks nice for me in the morning, hand washing his panties, and locking up for the night. Then he quietly slips into bed naked. He is not permitted to wear anything while sleeping.

That is a typical day in my house. As you can see Thomas wakes up before me and goes to sleep after me every day. Most of his day is focused on serving me and it is wonderful. I also enjoy having a clean house every day and not having  to lift a finger to do it. Take note that with the exception of errands, he does all these things without being told. On a typical day, I am not standing over him barking orders and criticizing his every move, as many guys fantasize about. That is not a practical or sustainable way of running a WLM. I don't want to spend my day being a bitch. No, I'd rather have him do everything for me without being told and have him pamper and obey me without question and without drama. Guys, that is what women want. That is the life of a Goddess! Also, notice that my typical day does not involve sex. Sorry to bust the fantasy but WLM does not mean you are having lots of sex or that every night I am donning leather and whips and ordering him to worship me. If Thomas is lucky I will give him a "rub" or two during the day just enough to get his arousal going. These rubs are good motivators for him. It's like petting the dog.

Having said all that, there is a definite dominate and submissive dynamic present every day. I tell him things more than ask. He knows what is expected of him and knows that he will be punished or disciplined if he disobeys or does not meet my expectations. Punishments are rare. If I am having to punish him frequently, then there are issues in the relationship. A good obedient slave rarely needs to be punished. I am also very forthcoming with him when I feel he is not meeting expectations, making mistakes or is showing a bad attitude. I keep a very high standard for him. He is open to my criticism and obeys without complaint and accepts punishment or discipline when it is given. On occasion he may get defensive and I immediately point out his defensiveness and he quiets down.

It all sounds so simple, but it took many years for us to get to this place. It was a bit of a roller coaster ride, with lots of ups and downs, but well worth the ride. Nowadays there are lots of ups with very few downs.

Weekends are a different story and there are things that I do to keep the WLM running like a well oiled machine. It does not just happen on its own. I incorporate kink and sexual fun, as you can tell by my posts. It's just not an every day thing. I will write more in my next post.

-Mz Kaylee  

Guest Post: A Male Perspective on the Paradigm Shift (by Mike)

Mike was kind enough to share a post on his perspective on the paradigm shift. Much of what he writes is consistent with what is experienced in our WLM.  I can also relate to how his wife was initially concerned about denying orgasm but now it is barely a thought :). My husband mentioned the other week that he could not remember the last time he had an orgasm but he knew it was more than 3 months. I hadn't even realized it. lol! It just seems normal to tease him without allowing an orgasm and for him to not orgasm during sex. Enjoy Mike's post.  -Mz Kaylee

I thought a few things could be said about the paradigm shift from the hub's perspective regarding sex. Not to make it all about sex, but who doesn't like talking about sex :). Many have mentioned similar experiences as it's part of the journey and shift.  I think a few could relate

Pre WLM, in our traditional marriage, we would have sex when I wanted. I would receive oral a good amount of the time and I would initiate these times whenever I was in the mood and horny. I suppose you could say I was in control.  I would have an orgasm each and every time. I rarely would give my wife oral and I know at times we had sex when she felt obligated and not in the mood. The sex life was decently good. My mindset was typically such as, if enough time went by, I was horny again and needed sex. Or I would masturbate to get a release. Looking back, I actually feel a little bad my behavior appeared selfish and deplorable.

The paradigm shift occurred when we established our WLM, which like many, didn't evolve over night. My wife took control of our sex life decisions, my orgasms, and other aspects of the marriage. 

Today, I don't get a release unless given permission or have sex unless she requests it. I never receive oral and I give her oral very often. Everything has changed completely, for the better.

This paradigm shift, in hindsight, looks difficult to comprehend with the transition made.  I'm aroused by small things she does, horny everyday, and yet I don't get a relief.  I have no control and have become a servant to her needs and pleasure. 

What's fascinating now is that I don't constantly seek the next sexual encounter. I'm not counting days with anxiety until I have an orgasm.  I actually may pass if had the opportunity to have one.  Like mz Kaylee said, the mind fuck is our daily sex. Physical sex is just another route, privilege, or bonus that happens. 

What's odd is that my cock seems like it has its own mind than what I desire.  My cock gets hard, has erections, and enjoys stimulation.  A hard cock looks for relief and a release, to cum. That's usually the end game of why it's erect. However, I've been trained and disciplined to follow the opposite behavior. No relief will be given, ignore the erections, and I know no orgasm will be rewarded. It's like two minds are watching and battling each other. 

In our beginning of the WLM, my wife felt bad or concerned leaving me hard after sex or oral. I was supportive and encouraging. And now, it's not even an after thought for her. A few days ago, I asked if she had any plans for a full orgasm for me anytime. She said she really had not thought about it much. And she's said this before. She felt the ruined orgasms were sufficient for me. I smiled and agreed. She has found her balance she enjoys.

She also wondered if I enjoyed sex in our beginning WLM. That also is no longer an after thought.  When she wants oral, she simply requests it at her convenience, and I stay dressed, to give it, unless permitted otherwise.  She understands she can have her orgasms whenever she pleases as conveniently as she wishes. It isn't ceremonious, or ritualistic. Just direct spontaneous instructions.

When she wants intercourse, I'm expected to be hard, without any touching or foreplay by her. She no longer finds the need or desire to be fully nude. As we fuck, all my attention is on her to serve. I listen and obey instructions for positions and speed. It's no longer for my personal enjoyment but to ensure she gets as many intense orgasms as she desires. 

Oddly enough with the paradigm shift, I prefer to give her oral even with how often and how hard I have erections. Almost makes me wonder why I still get them. She no longer touches my cock, or receive oral, or regularly have orgasms. Sex isn't a chore but it is a responsibility and a privilege. I'm to perform and the purpose is for her benefit. I play a role as a tool to be used in a loving way. 

Again, it's strange looking back at the progress and transition but it has been amazing and incredible. 

-Mike

More on the Paradigm Shift

 The paradigm shift I wrote about in my last post is an advanced topic when it comes to WLM and something that can only occur in mature WLMs. I know from past comments that many of you are in mature WLMs and so I knew that some of you could relate to the idea and understand it. I was happy to read your comments. I am sure there are also many readers who did not fully grasp the concept or understand how it could work. That is perfectly fine. Even just a few years ago, I could not have wrote the post because I did not know enough to fully comprehend it, and I've been in a WLM for about 20 years.

There are also guys who understand it or who can relate to many aspects of it, but have not made the shift yet. The largest hurdle for guys in making the shift is being able to change their primary focus from self-gratifying pleasure to experiencing pleasure through satisfying her. Most guys that are into being dominated say that their focus is on serving the woman but it is not really true. Their primary reason for submitting to a woman is to experience the pleasure of being dominated. They only want t be dominated in a way that brings them pleasure. That is fantasy play and not true submission.  Again, there is nothing wrong with fantasy play if that is what you want and if you can find a woman who is happy to engage in it from time-to-time. However, the challenge is that submissive guys want to be dominated more and more but most women do not seek out or crave domination in the same way that men crave submission. In fact, it tends to be a lot of work for us and is outside our comfort zone. A guy who is serving primarily for his own self-gratification is high maintenance and becomes tiresome to satisfy and therefore it is not a sustainable for the woman to continue or it becomes unsatisfying for her.

Those who want to succeed longer term and experience a deeper sense of fulfillment, need to channel their submission into doing things that maker her happy. Him doing all the chores that I do not like makes me happy. Pampering me and treating me nice makes me happy. Doing what I tell him or ask him to do without question or complaining makes me happy, and of course pleasuring me the way I like to be pleasured makes me happy. When a guy begins to think and act in way that takes these things into consideration, he is adding value to his submission. This makes domination more appealing to the woman. This is the right path to move down to achieve a long-term sustainable WLM/FLR and to ultimately discover the paradigm shift.

I feel I've gone through a paradigm shift in my thinking as well. In my WLM journey I started out dominating to satisfy my husbands desires. Eventually, I discovered that I could dominate in a way that benefited me while also satisfying him. Over time I used that more and more to my advantage.  However, it was quite a bit of work for me and I was often challenged with finding time to dominate him consistently. The paradigm shift occurred when I realized two critical things. The first was that being strict and demanding and holding him accountable 24/7 is what he really wanted and is what motivates him. The second realization was that I needed to stop viewing him as a traditional husband and begin to manage him like an employee or a child and make him work hard for me so that it frees up my time. For example, instead of me spending time on doing chores and errands, I spend my time managing him doing the chores and errands. Part of that management includes holding him to high expectations, reviewing his performance, and rewarding, disciplining, or punishing him based on that performance. In this new paradigm I also proactively dominate him in ways that he desires in order to bring him emotionally closer to me and motivate him to serve and obey me even more. When I exercise this type of domination it serves a purpose for me and is not just for his self-pleasure. This is a completely different mindset compared to the traditional role of a spouse and not exactly the norm in society. However, it is amazingly effective. In the end, it is a lot less work for me and it satisfies his submissive cravings and makes him want to obey me and be good for me. Now I have much more free time to do what I want and I never have to do unpleasant things like cleaning the toilets. He is loving my increased strictness and domination so it is a win-win for both of us. My standard of living has skyrocketed since I discovered the paradigm shift!

Ironically, I have written about the concepts in the above paragraph in my past posts in some form. Although I wrote about them, I struggled a bit putting them into practice. It's not always easy to do. It took time and trail and error for me to get to a point where things started to really click for me. An athlete does not become a pro overnight. It takes many years and thousands of hours of practice and repetition to build the skills and acquire the knowledge and experience to perform at a high level. The same is true as you move along the WLM journey. I can easily tell you that making the paradigm shift will make everything come together so perfectly in the WLM and be life changing but you're not going to be able to do it effectively without first going through your own WLM journey of trial and error to build your leadership and domination skills.

-Mz Kaylee

Sex Redefined For the Submissive

In a previous post, "Redirecting His Sexual Energy," I wrote about how sex for submissive men evolves into something new.  Here is a quote from that post:

"His sexual pleasure comes from being controlled, being mentally fucked, and pleasuring and obeying her. That is his sex. It is constant arousal with a few burst of intense pleasure thrown in every now then. The submissive man does not have physical sex and orgasm as much as a man in a traditional marriage but his sex life is much better and more intense because his wife is constantly stoking his arousal and sexual energy. Most guys that experience this never want to go back to the traditional way."

This concept resonated with many readers so I decided to expand on it more with this post to help my fellow Female Goddesses understand some of what drives men to submit and serve. I owe much credit to my husband for this post because I picked his brain a lot when writing this. Of course, he is my property and therefore all the credit goes to me anyway :). 

Teasing and Orgasm Denial (T&D) Redefine His Sex Life

A man who has very few orgasms and very few chances at intercourse but who has an incredible and intense sexual life, makes perfect sense to me. However, when I think back to when I first learned about female domination (femdom) and wife led marriage (WLM) the idea of teasing and orgasm denial (or orgasm control) was strange to me. When my husband first confessed his desire for me to control his orgasms, it was humorous to me and I remember thinking it was strange. I immediately questioned him in a joking way by saying something like, "you mean I can forbid you from having an orgasm for two months if I want?"I totally expected him to back-pedal on his desire so it completely surprised me when he told me that if that's what I wanted, I could do it. It seemed crazy to me at the time but it sounded like fun to try. And trust me, I had a lot of fun with it the first few weeks and have never turned back since.

I soon realized that my husband wanted me to always orgasm before him and that he found it exceptionally thrilling if he gave me an orgasm while I denied him from having an orgasm. I must confess it is nice having a man completely focused on my pleasure and expecting no orgasm in return. However, deep down there was that burning question of why does he not want to orgasm with me or what is he getting out of it? Even my husband admitted that when he first learned about orgasm denial, he did not understand why guys would want to be denied orgasm. Why would a guy want to be denied the intense pleasure that he naturally craves on a daily basis?

What I've learned over the years is that there are two key reasons that submissive guys get hooked on T&D. The first is the submissive rush they get from being controlled by a female. Submissive guys enjoy being under the authority of someone else and they crave experiences in which they feel strictly controlled. When a female takes control of when and how a guy can orgasm, it brings out those deep submissive feelings and those submissive feelings generate arousal. Since guys pretty much want to masturbate every day, when their wife controls their orgasms, it means on a daily basis they are feeling her control because they are either locked in chastity or must exert self-control to refrain from masturbating to orgasm, The second reason is to experience the intense arousal and pleasure of being teased and denied orgasm. This is often a learned experience for a guy. Many guys will reject the idea of denial because they don't understand the pleasure that comes from it. Most guys have their sights set on the orgasm. However, once a guy experiences the pleasure of teasing and denial it opens up a new world of pleasure for him and after a few times many guys become hooked.

We all know that orgasms result in amazing and intense pleasure that can not be replicated by any other means. Let's face it, orgasms are great! However, for men they are short and for a lot of guys getting to the orgasm is very quick. There is a reason why "the two minute man" is a common joke. Most guys are also 'one and done.' Not only are they done after one orgasm, but they become completely checked out and disinterested in the women. So while guys love sex, it is typically a quick experience and results in him shutting down afterward. 

Guys who discover T&D, learn that it leads to long lasting pleasure. There is pleasure during the teasing that ebbs and flows continuously and there is a rush of pleasure at the moment of denial. Unlike an orgasm, the rush of pleasure from denial does not suddenly drop. In fact, the guy usually has to concentrate and fight to lower the pleasure so that he does not orgasm. Riding on the edge of orgasm and being brought to the edge over and over again results in intense and long-lasting physical and mental pleasure. After denial he is still in a very heightened aroused state, which means his wife or girlfriend can still use him for her pleasure. The arousal even continues after his partner is done with him. After an intense T&D session with my husband, it will often take him over an hour to calm himself down and come off the erotic high. Even after the erotic high fades, he remains very horny for days. In those following days my dominance keeps fueling his arousal so that his horniness never completely fades away between T&D sessions.

A big difference between T&D and traditional sex with orgasm is that T&D taps deep into the guys emotions and mental state. Not only is there physical pleasure but he is mentally fucked by his partner. He enjoys the physical pleasure but he must mentally fight to not give in completely to the pleasure. This mind fuck enhances the physical pleasure while also keeping the pleasure flowing long after the wife or girlfriend is done with him. That is what makes it exciting and addictive for guys. I've heard from many guys that they are disappointed when their wife allows them an orgasm because they would rather experience the rush of pleasure from being denied and they do not want to experience the post orgasm drop.

I believe T&D is the most significant factor that changes the submissive's sex life, which is why I've dedicate a few paragraphs in this post on the topic. When a guy continues to experience T&D, he discovers that the long-lasting pleasure associated with it is a better experience than traditional sex with a short and intense orgasm. He also prefers the benefit of remaining horny and energized after denial versus experiencing the post orgasm "drop," 

Female Control and Authority Redefine His Sex Life

The next most significant factor that changes the submissive's sex life, is his craving and desire to experience female control and authority. Submissive men get aroused when they are dominated by their wife or girlfriend. The more a wife/GF embraces her dominance and applies is to her husband/BF the more submissive he becomes toward her and the more aroused he gets from it. When you combine ongoing T&D with regular dominance, it is life-changing for the guy. T&D multiplies the effects of her dominance and the arousal that the submissive experiences from it. A guy who is kept in a perpetual state of horniness by his partner, becomes easily controlled, trained, and conditioned. His mind and body thrive on the regular pleasure and therefore he begins to follow whatever path brings him more pleasure. His mind is conditioned to associate acts of dominance with pleasure and therefore, he becomes easily aroused at the littlest acts of dominance. 

All I need to do is change my tone of voice to strict and authoritative and *boom* my husband gets aroused. If I correct him or question his actions, his cock will stir in his pants. He is excited to do errands for me and he becomes very submissive when doing chores. Compare this to a traditional man and a traditional marriage and this behavior is completely bizarre. How many guys do you know, that will get excited from doing errands for their wife or will take criticism without question or argument? Not many. Before our WLM, my husband would not. He was submissive then but he would not get aroused from me telling him what to do. The difference after WLM is that over time my dominance in combination with T&D changed his mindset.

A Paradigm Shift

Many submissive men who are subject to both domination and T&D on a regular basis, go through a complete paradigm shift in the way they think and in what arouses them. A paradigm shift is a fundamental change in theory or principle assumptions. A real-world historical example is the shift from thinking that the earth is flat to theory that the earth is round. When a big shift in theory occurs, suddenly people think differently and a whole new world of opportunities and discoveries exist.

The paradigm shift that occurs with the submissive sex life is that he no longer views sex as the physical act of intercourse. Achieving an orgasm is no longer the end goal when it comes to sex. Sex becomes about the pleasure he experiences through many channels. These channels includes T&D, pleasuring his wife, being controlled and dominated, being humiliated, visual (e.g. her naked body) and physical touch. Sex to him evolves to encompass many deep emotional and psychological triggers and pleasures. He can easily become fully aroused without ever being touched and he is not only satisfied by that pleasure, he is thrilled by it! 

In this new sex paradigm, he seeks frequent and constant pleasure as opposed to a one and done intense orgasm. Providing oral pleasure to his wife is sex to him. Bringing her to orgasm with his tongue while he is denied, is thrilling and satisfying for him. He savors every moment between her legs and the long lasting arousal that he experiences afterward is a thrilling high for him. Commands and reprimands from his wife are like foreplay to him, that can cause his cock to stir in his pants and grow hard. This is especially true when in an aroused and submissive state-of-mind, which is the norm for a guy who is teased and denied. It's may be hard for women to comprehend, but in this new paradigm, just about every form of control and authority that is exerted, results in some form of pleasure for the submissive guy. He craves this pleasure, which means he craves your control and authority. He wants more and more of it and he can't get enough. He wants to pleasure you because that brings him pleasure. He wants to give you orgasms over and over again and your orgasms are like orgasms to him.

Think of it this way ladies, every time you command him, reprimand him, or exert any form of authority over him, you are stroking his cock with your words and actions. That is his foreplay. Whenever you are teasing his cock, sexually dominating or humiliating him, or he is pleasuring you, that is the equivalent of him having sex with you because in those moment you are fucking his mind and the mind fuck is his sex!  I will end this post with the quote that I started with because it really sums it up well:

"His sexual pleasure comes from being controlled, being mentally fucked, and pleasuring and obeying her. That is his sex. It is constant arousal with a few burst of intense pleasure thrown in every now then. The submissive man does not have physical sex and orgasm as much as a man in a traditional marriage but his sex life is much better and more intense because his wife is constantly stoking his arousal and sexual energy. Most guys that experience this never want to go back to the traditional way."

 

-Mz Kaylee

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