The "Come Here" Technique

This topic is on the fun side of things.  There is common advice published for men that tell them how to find a woman's g-spot.  Basically you put your finger inside her sex and then bend it forward like you are gesturing for someone to 'come here.'  I have discovered that this technique can also be applied to men to drive them wild.  Perhaps some of you already know this but it was new discovery for me and so I thought I'd share it.

Sorry to get vulgar here but it is the only way to describe it.  You want to start with your finger pressing into the edge of his anus or right on the rim.  Then make a long "come here" gesture with your finger, going all the way from his anus to the base of his balls.  If you do this while he is fully aroused, it will feel good for him. There are many ways you can experiment with this gesture.  You can do shorter gestures, starting just behind his balls or midway between the anus and balls, and doing a short come here gesture pressing into balls (hooking them with your finger at the base). I find quick short strokes are a great tease.  You can also apply different pressure - use just your finger nail with light or moderate pressure or use the tip of the finger and press hard. You can press pretty hard in this area and it does not hurt. In fact, he may like it better that way.    I've also found it to be a great tease to just press with your finger in various spots. You can follow the same path from the anus to his balls but instead of flicking your finger, you are pressing firmly and releasing over and over again as you move along the path.

Using just this technique alone will make him feel good but usually is not enough to make him orgasm because there is no pressure on his cock.  I like doing this in between teasing his cock. I will tease his cock and get him to the edge, then I will lightly caress his balls and then move down beneath to do the "come here" technique. This allows him to come off the edge a bit but still keeps him aroused.

Now if you really want to drive him insane, use one hand to do this technique and use the other hand to simultaneously hold his cock firmly or stroke his cock.  Just a warning that he probably will not last long.  You will bring him to the edge very quickly if you do this and it will be very hard for him to hold back.  I find it quite fun to do this when he is super aroused and then tease him about how weak he is because he can only last a few seconds before begging for release.  If you want to give him a mind blowing orgasm, then use this technique and when his orgasm starts keep going but apply very firm pressure underneath  during his orgasm. He will have a very explosive mind blowing orgasm.

For those of us that have an orgasm control regiment, this type of orgasm is not something that would be usual.    I allow my husband just a few orgasms a year and sometimes they are even 'ruined' orgasms.  However, once in awhile I do like to allow him a really good one.  It is a nice reward for him and lets him know the incredible pleasure I can bring him if he does an excellent job pleasing and serving me.  You have to dangle that carrot every now and then to keep him motivated.  For the other times, I use the technique just for fun erotic torture.  It is a nice quick way to bring him to the edge.  Enjoy!

-Mz Kaylee.

Be a Queen / Put Him to Work For You!

In my last post I wrote about the importance of the wife taking into consideration the husband's needs, wants, and desires.  On the flip side are the needs, wants, and desires of the wife/woman in the relationship.  One of the biggest benefits of being the leader is that you get to do what you want and you should fully take advantage of that perk.  I have to confess that it is fabulous being the leader and I consider myself lucky to have a husband who desires to submit to me and to have me lead.

In most FLRs where the man is submissive, the power dynamic is not as intuitive as one would think.  It is a very interesting dynamic that in my opinion multiplies the benefits for both the woman and the man.  An outsider may view the behavior of a dominant wife as bitchy, bossy, or unfair, However, those who have been in the lifestyle understand that submissive men crave to be told what to do.  They want the wife to be strict and demanding. They want to be held accountable to high standards and to be disciplined and punished when warranted.  I regularly see posts from men who complain that their wife is not strict enough with them.  They want their wife to take a harder line with them.

This dominance and strictness was difficult for me to understand initially.  Early on I would ask my husband to do things for me and he would do them but he would often tell me that I don't need to ask and that I should just order him to do what I want.  It took awhile but it finally sunk in and when I wanted something I just ordered him to do it for me.  When I took this approach, I noticed a quicker reaction from him and a little more pep in his step.  Sometimes I would get very demanding, ordering several things from him at once or maybe even reprimanding him about something such as leaving his shoes laying around and ordering him to put them away.  In these situations I would notice his demeanor would instantly change to a submissive nature and he might even get a bit aroused or horny.  Often he would get into a mode where he just wanted to keep doing things for me and please me. The more strict and demanding I was, the more he enjoyed it and wanted to do more for me.  How great is that? So much better than being viewed as a nagging wife isn't it?  It is a fascinating and wonderful dynamic that once understood is very beneficial to the relationship.

For all my fellow leaders out there, my advice is to tap into this dynamic to its fullest.  Be demanding of your husband and hold him to a high standard.  Expect excellence and apply discipline or punishment if he is not meeting your standards.  Expect that your husband treat you like a Queen or Goddess.  If there are tasks or chores that you do not like to do, then you should not do them.  That is your right as the leader. I can not remember the last time I cleaned a bathroom, ironed clothes, or put gas in my car.  I have coffee served hot to me every morning and I get nightly foot rubs and massages.  If I am in the mood for sex, my husband comes running (or crawling).  If I am not in the mood, he leaves me alone. It is always on my terms and how and when I want it.  If I ask or order my husband to do something, he reacts immediately and without question.  These are the types of things you should expect and demand from your husband.

It would be remiss of me if I didn't talk about reasonableness when discussing this topic. You need to apply some reasonableness to what you demand of your husband,  It is probably not realistic to expect the husband to do all the chores.  This is just not reality for most people as there are not enough hours in the day for one person to work a full time job, handle family matters, and do all the household chores. If you overwork him he is just going to get stressed and then suddenly it becomes a problem for you.   However, as the leader, you have the lucky position of being able to assign which chores he does and so you can give him the ones  that you don't like the most. You should feel comfortable assigning him these chores and assigning most of the work to him.  Make him work hard for you and don't feel bad about it.  In fact, enjoy it.  Take pleasure from it and live like a Goddess.. It is all part of the deal of him being submissive to you and you taking the lead.  On the surface this sounds cruel, but it really is a win-win if done right (This is where my last post comes in. By intertwining his desire/fantasies with the chores and your demands it becomes a win for both of you).  You get what you want and get treated as a Goddess and he gets to live out his submissive fantasy and derives sexual pleasure from serving you.

To my female readers, I encourage you to take action after reading this.  Crack that whip and put your man to work for you. He is craving to serve you and be your workhorse.  You deserve to be treated like a Goddess or Queen.   I would love to hear back on what you did after reading this.

To the male readers -  Go out of your way to treat your leader as a Goddess/Queen. Don't wait to be told.  Anticipate her needs and desires and act on them.  Report back and post a comment on how you did this.  That's an order!
 




-Mz Kaylee

FLR: Fantasy vs. Reality

Is a Female Led Relationship fantasy or reality?  When I first started reading about FLRs and things like orgasm control and punishments, I could not believe that couples actually did those activities as a real part of their life. To me it seemed like fantasy play or that people were exaggerating. It took quite a while before I realized and believed that is was an actual lifestyle that people lived.  Even when I first experimented with orgasm control and female authority with my husband, it was all fantasy for me.  It was a lot of fun but taking it seriously was hard to do or I guess awkward for me. However, the more we played the fantasy the more comfortable I became with controlling him and my expectations for him began to change.  I remember one day coming to the realization that our sex and foreplay had changed dramatically.  I was always taking the lead and our foreplay was much longer and intense.  I would do a lot of teasing of him but then the focus would turn to him pleasuring me. I was always in control of how he pleasured me.  In the beginning we would plan for a fantasy night but just a few months in it evolved to the point where we were naturally falling into the dominant/submissive roles during our intimate moments.

I enjoyed how our sex life had morphed and did not have an interest in going back to the old ways.  That's when it hit me that the fantasy of FLR was not so much fantasy any more.  Of course there is so much more to a FLR than taking control in the bedroom (which I was naive to at the time) but that was one of the defining moments that started me on the path toward a FLR.

FLR is very real. I can attest to that.  I take the lead in our marriage and Thomas willingly submits to me and obeys me. My authority over Thomas is real and if he does not obey or does not meet my expectations, there are consequences for him.  Just read my past posts on this blog and you can see how real it is. It did not happen overnight, but overtime our lifestyle morphed into a FLR.

However, even after all the years of incorporating the FLR lifestyle into my marriage, there is still a lot of fantasy involved. In my opinion, incorporating fantasy play into your relationship keeps spice in the relationship, brings you closer together, helps to reinforce your control over him, and solidifies his own submissiveness.  In our marriage the lines are blurred between fantasy and reality which makes for a lot of fun.  One the best compliments I received from my husband was that he felt as if he was living in a fantasy every day and he loved every moment of it. That was very reassuring to me that I was doing the right things in how I run our FLR.

It is very important to understand that for a FLR to be successful, the Female needs to indulge in the desires and needs of her husband. I cringe when I read advice which indicates that the man's needs or desire do not matter or that the man should be 100% focused on the woman and not care about himself.  This type of thinking makes for great femdom fantasy. In fact, I have used those words with my husband and it drives him wild. However, it just fantasy play.  You can not have a long-term sustainable relationship without taking into consideration his needs and desires. If you ignore this, at some point he will crash and burn and you may find your relationship suddenly in shambles.

If you love your husband, than you most certainly want to make sure his basic needs are met.  I advise to go even a step further and pay attention to his desires. By indulging in his desires, you create loyalty with him and he will be motivated to serve and obey you even more.  There are nights where I slip into a black latex dress and do the whole dominatrix thing with him.  Some nights I will tease his cock over and over again, making him beg for release and then just go to bed. He loves this undivided attention from me.  Denying his orgasm after all the teasing is torturous for him, but he also loves the torture and experiencing my absolute control over him where he wants something so bad but is not allowed to have it. Other times I will turn up my control over him during the week, being more strict with him, ordering him to do extra errands or chores for me, and making him wear items under his clothes such as a cock ring, butt plug, or panties.  These are all things that he loves because they surface deep submissive feelings in him, which gives him an erotic high.

Those things are more fantasy play  Although it is all fun for me, I am doing it more because I know he loves it.  Now let's be clear here, my purpose is not solely to please him.  After all, he is the one who has to please me, Th balance of power in the relationship is titled much more in my favor.  There is an ulterior motive to what I am doing.  If you play into your husband/partner's fantasies and desires, you are making him want you even more.  Anytime I have a session focused on his desires or fantasies, he is always extra thankful afterward and his attention on pleasing and serving me becomes much more focused afterward.  That is the result I am hoping to achieve by catering to his fantasies every now and then.

What I have discovered with guys is that when they have a mind blowing experience it sticks in their mind forever and they often relive it over and over again in their minds. This is the daydream.  What is great about the daydream is that each time they daydream about the experience, it excites and arouses them and they relive the emotions.  Think about that.  If you provide a mind blowing experience with your man, he is going to be thinking about it and you over and over again.  This builds loyalty and devotion to you.  How great is that?  Grown men can recall these type of memorable moments with girls from their teen years.  I was just trading e-mails about this with Jess B. who often posts comments on my blog. We were talking about things our men confessed to us on this topic. What was fascinating to us is that in many of these 'hot' memorable moments, the girl is completely unaware of the effect she had on him.  It could be something she said or joked about, a way she looked at him or simply an outfit she was wearing that gave him a naughty glimpse of her body.  How powerful is that when a man in his 30s, 40s, or 50s can remember the image and emotion of something that occurred when he was as young as 13 or 14? If only I knew that now....the possibilities!  Guys, help me validate this.  Tell me about some of these memorable moments with your wife as well as from your teen years.

My point to all this, is that playing into his desires is a powerful tool for keeping him loyal, dedicated, devoted, and obedient to you.  If you can give him moments that blow his mind and leave him breathless from the excitement, he will be excited to be with you and he is going to want and desire to obey you to keep you happy and hope for more mind blowing experiences.  Let me be clear that I am not saying you should go out of your way every day to do this. That is an extreme and would defeat the dominant dynamic of the FLR.  He should be spending much more time doing things to please you. You have to find the right balance that works for you. I'd say anywhere from once a month to once every two to three months is probably a good balance for most people to create the mind blowing fantasy experience.  You also have to make sure it is in your terms and when you want to do it. You are the one in control, not him and so it is ok to tell him 'no', 'maybe', or you'll have to wait when he is begging about a fantasy.  He should never expect to get what he wants. The fantasy moments are a privilege for him and not a right.

I also want to emphasize the importance of 'spice' in the relationship.  The FLR itself has added a tremendous amount of spice and excitement in my marriage.  It is one of the great things about a FLR.  However, overtime even a FLR can suffer from the hum-drum boredom factor that many couples face in a traditional relationship. Once a couple has routines and expectations established, it is easy for the wife to get caught-up in everyday life and not set aside time for the fun play. I often see this on forums that have a lot of people who are mature in their FLR relationship.  Whenever a new person posts something a bit kinky many of them will discount it or even rebuke the post. When I see these posts, it's almost predicable what the response will be from the long timers.  The long timers are just trying to help but I think people forget what it was like when they first started in a FLR. It really is a shame because the responses often intimidate the person posting.  I also see submissive men who post that they do not need the kink.  O.k.....they don't need it but I am sure if they had it, they would not be turning it away.  In fact, I am pretty sure they wold love it.  These men, unfortunately are just making the best of their situation.  It's like a caterpillar being happy with its life, not knowing that if they turn into a butterfly it will be so much more thrilling.  I'm rambling.  Hopefully I am making sense here to some of you,

Can getting up in everyday life is easy to do. It happens to me quite often. Let's face it - it is nice being served and pampered.  Everyday I have coffee made for me, my clothes are ironed, chores are done, and I get regular massages.  When I tell Thomas to do something, he immediately responds. It is a great lifestyle but I have to make sure I invest some time and energy into him to keep him motivated.  It's like a rechargeable battery.  Every so often the energy-level drops and you have to re-charge for a day and then it lasts for weeks or months, depending on how much energy you are consuming from it.  The more energy you consume, the more frequent you have to recharge.

To sum it all up, I believe the FLR is a mix of fantasy and reality.  By weaving fantasy into the everyday life, it adds spice and fun to the relationship, while also deepening his submissiveness and creating loyalty and devotion to you.  In the end it brings you closer together as couple.  I encourage you all to strive for a relationship where the lines of fantasy and reality blur together.  Life is too short to not have some fun.

-MzKaylee

Loving Female Authority

The first time I heard the phrase "Loving Female Authority" it resonated with me in a big way.  It is a fantastic way to approach a Female Led Relationship. Loving Female Authority is a clear separation from a common view that a FLR involves an evil and bitchy dominatrix. In a female led marriage, it is crucial that the relationship is filled with love. The wife still exerts dominance and authority but at the core of the relationship is love and caring.

There are women who dominate men with a different perspective than Loving Female Authority.  These women exert control and dominance over men out of hatred for them or because they believe they are superior to men.  They use harsh corporal punishment and treat men like animals.  Many focus on humiliating men and turning men into thoughtless slaves who do nothing but obey.  Believe it or not, these type of women appeal to men.  They appeal to men because they play into the male's fantasy of being dominated.  Being treated as inferior or as an animal or being with no rights is a thrill to many submissive men.  This type of treatment is a fantasy for many men and I have no issue with it when it is done in a safe and consensual manner as part of fun kinky play. However, this type of treatment should not be at the core of the relationship.  Otherwise, the relationship is unfulfilling and can be damaging to the male over time. No good can come from constantly breaking down a man emotionally or beating him harshly.  If you truly love your husband, why would you want to continually hurt and humiliate him? Sadly, many men are lured in by these women because of the appeal to their submissive nature. They are often taken advantage of or find themselves caught in a relationship that is unfulfilling and abusive and by the time they figure out they are being abused it is difficult for them to get out of the relationship.

Unfortunately because this "harsh" type of dominance exists there are mixed messages when you research FLR.  For someone new it can become difficult and intimidating to understand FLR.  My sense is that many women are turned off by FLR because of all the fantasy fodder that exists and the notion that FLR is cruel and evil.  I am here to say that a FLR, when done right, is not evil or filled with hatred and abuse. Again I want to emphasize that fantasy and role playing is fine.  In fact I encourage it because it adds fun and spice to the relationship and is a great way to reward and motivate your husband.  If you truly love your husband and care for him, then it should not be difficult for you to separate the fantasy from the everyday meaningful authority.  A loving FLR is a wonderful thing and brings the couple closer together and forms an even stronger bond between husband and wife.  I know this from my own experience as well as the experiences from many others who have written about this bond.  I have heard from both men and woman and have read many experiences of couples who have all indicated that after their FLR was in place they felt closer as a couple and had a stronger love for each other.

A FLR should be positive and filled with love and caring.  One of the biggest misconceptions of FLR is that a FLR is one-sided; the wife rules without consideration for the husband's needs or desires. This notion is far from true.  In a FLR, the female is a leader, not a dictator or tyrant.  For the relationship to be healthy she absolutely must consider his needs and desires. I will try to explain the difference with an example: like many men, my husband enjoys watching sports and he will regularly meet up with friends to watch games (I'd say this is a pretty common scenario so it makes for a good example).  In the dictator style of femdom, the wife is only concerned about herself and therefore cuts him off completely from watching sports. The husband is forced to submit whether he likes it or not. His opinion does not matter.  My approach in a loving FLR is that I allow my husband to go out with the guys and watch sports but he understands that it is not a right and must seek approval from me each time. He understands that there are times where he will need to skip a night of watching sports because of more important things that need to be done.  Most of the time I give my approval of these activities but not always. I allow this because I recognize that having time for socialization is important to him.  If I took that away from him, I believe it would have a negative impact on him and our relationship.  Hopefully you can see that this approach allows the wife to make decisions that are in the best interest of the relationship while still maintaining her authority and control.

If you've read my past posts you know that I discipline my husband regularly, I also punish him, and in some instances I've exerted strict control over him.  This is where things can get a bit confusing. How does Loving Female Authority fit in to these situations? It is important to understand that my husband is submissive. He craves and needs this strict control.  He thrives in an environment where I am dominant.  A FLR only works if both parties buy-in to the arrangement. You can not force someone to be in a FLR and then expect it all to work out. There are many articles about women who force their men into submission.  This is pure fantasy and I find these articles humorous. The truth is that it is often the husband who is approaching the wife asking her to dominate him because of his submissive desires.  I'm not saying that a wife can not initiate the FLR. It just has to be done in a positive manner and should not be forced on to the husband.

When it comes to my discipline sessions in most instances, they are more focused on positive reinforcement rather than negative reinforcement.  Discipline is not a bad thing. I use it as a method to motivate Thomas to do better. Thomas even looks forward to our discipline sessions.  The spanking in most cases is playful and more symbolic of my authority over him versus being painful. On occasion it may sting when I want to emphasize a point or when I feel he is not meeting expectations but it is nothing he can't handle.  I have never left a mark on Thomas, just a little redness :) I do not believe in painful spankings or caning. To me this is abuse and can lead to anger and resentment.  If the husband is a masochist and enjoys this type of play then perhaps that is acceptable.  Some men crave or desire this type of spanking so there are exceptions like that where it may be acceptable.  However, a woman beating a man solely because she wants to punish him or prove her dominance over him is not OK.

Punishments are rare and are only issued when warranted. If punishments are regular occurrences in your relationship then you need to re-examine what you are doing and figure out why he is being disobedient so often or if you are punishing for the wrong reasons.  When I issue a punishment it is no surprise to Thomas.  He knows he has been bad and accepts the punishment.  It is important to incorporate punishment into the relationship as this holds the submissive accountable and reinforces the wife's dominance and authority over the husband.  When a husband yields to his wife and accepts her punishment it is proof of his true submissiveness towards her. Thomas has confessed to me that he is glad that I punish him, not because he enjoys the punishment (he does not) but because he wants to be held accountable for his actions and it brings reality that he is submissive to me.  Thomas once told me that my authority over him became very real to him after the first time I punished him. To him, it was a turning point in the relationship where he knew it was not just fantasy and that he was no longer an equal in the marriage.  He was excited about that realization.

There are also many situations where I humiliate Thomas.  I will tease him about wearing panties.  I will order him to lick my ass and tell him that is all he is worth.  These situations are more playful than real.  Again, I am appealing to his fantasies.  He likes a good 'mind fuck' and honestly I have fun doing it to him. There are nights where I just blow his mind and push him into deep submission. These are usually the same nights that I get a little 'high' from being dominant.  On the surface, if I were to describe these nights (and sometimes I do in the blog), they could easily come across as cruel if one does not realize that my dominance is done with love and caring and it is what Thomas craves. The reality is that these are very intimate moments for us. These moments require vulnerability and trust between us. We connect on a deep level.  These moments of trust and vulnerability are part of the fabric that strengthens the relationship and brings us closer together.  I find this hard to explain to people who have never experienced such a situation. Hopefully this is making sense to you.

I felt the need to write this post because on my blog I share personal examples of my dominance and authority that border on the realm of fantasy and appeal to Thomas's submissive nature.  It is important to understand that love and caring is woven into all these situations.

-MzKaylee

Slave Weekends

In my last post, I discussed Goddess Weekends and introduced the concept of Slave Weekends.  In 

this post I will talk about Slave weekends and then sum it all up.  Enjoy!

Slave Weekends

Slave weekends have a much different tone than Goddess weekends.  The focus is more on him and 

not me.  He is still serving me and doing what I want, but the focus is on his submission and 

obedience to me and my control and authority over him.   I like to think of it as slave boot camp.  My tone and demeanor for the weekend is strict, commanding and authoritarian.  I don't ask him to do 

things, I tell him to do them.  During slave weekends we get a little kinky and cross over into the 

fantasy/role playing world a bit.  Much of what I reinforce with him is real but some of it is fantasy 

and mind games.  

Slave weekends are good for training.  If he is not doing chores properly or behaving in a manner that is meeting my expectations, I can spend time addressing those issues during the weekend. For 

example, once I was not satisfied with how he was putting my clothes away. He was very messy in 

how he folded them or hung them on hangers.  To correct this, I emptied out all my drawers and made him neatly fold and put everything away.  He was naked and I had a paddle in my hand to give him a spank every now and then when he was not neat enough.  I then had him empty his own drawers and refold everything.   This was all done in a strict but playful manner.   Another time I put a collar and 

leash on him.  I walked him around the house like a pet and did a house inspection with him.  I had 

his leash in one hand and a riding crop in the other.  If I liked how things looked, he got a nice pat 

and playful rub.  He received a swat or two for each thing that was out of place in the house and for 

areas that were not properly cleaned.  Let’s just say his ass was a little red by the time we were done.  His cock was hard too so I know he loved it.

On slave weekends, I will purposely be extra strict and demanding.  I will refer to him as slave, 

property, or my toy.  I may tease him about how he gets excited to wear panties and call him a girl, 

princess or slut.   This is all part of the fantasy and is done playfully.  Sometimes he is not allowed to speak all weekend unless I give him permission.  Once I took away his wallet, phone, and keys for 

the weekend so he could get the full effect of being my slave.  For dinner, I might have him kneel 

next to me while I eat and make him eat off a plate on the floor or we could go out for dinner with 

him wearing a butt plug and me doing all the ordering and paying for the check.  Again, this is a lot 

of fantasy play and done for the thrill.  

On slave weekends I will spend a lot of time playing with his cock and bringing him to the edge of 

orgasm.  I want to drive him crazy and turn his mind to mush because that brings out the submissive 

slave in him and sends him into subspace, where I can have lots of fun with him.  It is hypnotic when I stroke his cock and talk to him.  I like to whisper to him how excited I am that he is my slave and is obedient to me.  I love to paint a mental picture for him of his fate....that he will always be my slave 

or toy, or whatever I want him to be.  I will remind him that he will never ever orgasm again without my permission.  I may tease about things that could happen in the future such as never having an 

orgasm again or putting him in chastity or making him stay home 24/7 to be my servant.  This type of talk always drives him wild and pushes him into a deeper submissive state of mind.

I may have him do the body worship routine that I described for the Goddess Weekend but something else that is more fitting for slave weekend is a body inspection.  Instead of him worshiping me, I am 

inspecting him. Being inspected is a thrill for many submissive men.   I will have him stand naked.  

Often time I will even make him remove his wedding ring so that he is completely bare.  Then I 

inspect him like a piece of property.  This is where the fantasy play comes in.  I slowly circle him and trace my hands over his body.  My inspections are positive and not negative.  I will comment on how sexy his body parts are and order him to keep working out at the gym.  I may kiss his body or order 

him to bend over.  I will tell him that he is my property and I own him (he loves those words). I may kick his feet apart to make him stand wider.  I may have him hold his arms out to the side and when 

he starts to waver, order him to keep them up and straight. I will tell him to keep his eyes down and 

then later I will order him to stare straight ahead.  The point to all this is to create the dynamic that I 

am in control of him and he is to obey my every command without question and without hesitation.

I will inspect his balls to ensure they are bare and smooth for me.  If I am not satisfied he will get a 

little swat and be ordered to shave that night. I will tease his cock.  Sometimes I may squeeze out a 

bit of cum onto my fingers and make him lick or suck it off my fingers.  He will get a “good boy” for that.  The first time I read about feeding a man his own cum, I thought it was disgusting.  However, 

one time the mood struck me and I just did it. He was a bit surprised but did not resist. In fact, he 

seemed to get more aroused from it. It was a bit surreal for me and in the heat of the moment it was 

very exciting for me.  It’s hard to explain but I got real turned on from having him lick his own cum 

from my fingers.  It happens quite often now.  I’ve even spoon fed him before.  Very sexy!  

Something that I have discovered through all my reading is that many men actually fantasize about 

being forced to eat their own cum.  Who would have thought that?

During the inspection, I may put a collar on him.  It is fun and powerful to collar your man.  I will 

read the tag on the collar which says “Property of Kaylee.” Ankle and wrist cuffs could be added as 

well. I may make him step into a pair of panties or put a cock ring on him.  There are so many things that can be done.  You could inspect inside his ass with your fingers or a probe, cover his head with a hood (this makes him more like an object), or slip on gloves for the inspection.  You could trace a 

riding crop all over his body and give little slaps here and there.  I like to pinch his nipples hard and 

pull on them.  It feels powerful for me but also gives him a nice burst of pleasure.  Nipple clamps 

could also be used.

As I noted earlier, I like to have him naked for inspections.  However, one of our most memorable 

moments was when I had him dress femme for the inspection.  He put on panties, stockings, garter 

belt, and a bra. It’s very rare that I make his dress up like this (usually I just have him in panties) so 

he was already horned up just from getting ready.  When I inspected him in this state my comments 

were about how sexy his lingerie was.  I commented on how pretty, feminine, and sexy each item was as I traced my hand over the delicate fabrics.  Then I commented on how sexy and pretty he looked in the items…how sexy his legs were in stockings. I teased that if his legs were shaved, he would easily pass as a girl.  Then I hinted that maybe we would have to try that some time.  I probably would 

never make him shave his legs but it is fun to put that thought out there and let it linger in his mind as a possibility.  I did the same teasing about his cock, at how unsightly the bulge is with panties and 

that we would have to take care of that one day, maybe with a chastity device.  His cock was drippy 

so of course I had to wipe it up with my finger and bring it to his lips.  This time he got a “good girl” when he sucked on my finger.  I could not resist doing it a few more times and ordering ‘her’ to lick 

up the cum.

I also commented on how he dressed.  I pulled his panties up and told him that girls wear their panties nice and snug.  I did the same with his stockings and told him that he needed to make sure the seams were straight and the tops of the stockings were even.  I adjusted the garter straps, straightened his 

bra, all while making comments on the proper way for girls to dress.  When everything was straight 

and in order, I told him that’s how a princess should look and in the future I expected him to make 

sure he dressed properly for me.   All during the process, I used terms like princess, pretty, feminine, girl, soft, and sexy. This whole process really did a number on him. He was totally lost in subspace.  He dropped into a quiet, shy and passive mode.  It’s hard to describe but it was a real turn on for both of us.   This was all fantasy fun.  I have no desire to fully feminize Thomas.  It is just fun to role play it once in a while.

Sex during slave weekend is mostly him doing oral on me.  He is way too horned up for me to try 

regular sex. I’d have to stop every few seconds to keep him from cumming. Lol! I tend to be a little 

more aggressive with sex on these weekends.  I may order him to do certain things or physically force his head or hands towards my sexual areas.  I will queen him or have him kneel between my legs and squeeze my thighs around his head.     If I get in real dominant mode, I may push him away forcefully and then order him back between my legs.  Such fun!

Slave weekends are good time to try new kinky things. With all the fun, our inhibitions tend to run a bit freer than usual and so it becomes easier to explore new things and maybe even push limits a bit.  Thomas absolutely loves these weekends because they play right into his submissive fantasies.  I plan the slave weekend and whenever I announce one, his eyes light up with excitement. He is like a little kid.  Sometimes I announce them well in advance just to get him riled up and thinking about it for 

several weeks.  Slave weekends tend to overlap into the week.  It’s almost like we get a little high on 

it and we need a few days to slowly come down.   During the week after I will be a little more 

dominant than typical and Thomas will still be in a deeper submissive state. It is a nice side effect.

We plan Goddess and Slave weekends several times throughout the year. For those of you who are 

younger and have no kids, you may not need to do this because you have the time to spend together.  However, a common problem with couples when they get older and busier with life, is that they 

spend less quality time together. Planning these types of weekends helps keep the relationship fresh, 

exciting, and fun.  From the FLR perspective it helps reset and re-energize the FLR dynamic. Some 

of our best and most memorable moments are from Goddess and Slave weekends. 

I hope this gives you ideas that you can use in your own relationship. I would love to hear if others 

do similar things.

-Mz Kaylee

Goddess and Slave Weekends

It's been a busy few months for me.  What’s good  is that it is fun things like vacation, weekend
activities with friends and family, and running the kids to different activities.  Being out of the house
is great, but it does interrupt the normal routines.  One of them for me is writing this blog, which I am trying to get back into.  Another interruption is the intimate times with my husband. We have been
having lots of fun together but there has not been as much quiet and intimate time together and I miss that.  Something that we do in our relationship to help ensure that we spend quality time together and not get caught up in the every day life, is to plan Goddess weekends and Slave weekends.  I guess
you could say these are similar to planning date nights (we do that too) but these weekends are much more....intense than a date night.  I will elaborate below.

Goddess Weekends

The focus of these weekends is me because, yes, I am a Goddess.:)   On these weekends my
husband's sole purpose is to pamper me and treat me like a Goddess.  His mind set is of worshiping
me as a Goddess and my mindset is that of a Goddess or Princess who expects to be worshiped,
pampered, and served.  It is quite easy for me to slip into that mind set.:) Examples of things that he will do on Goddess weekends include buying me flowers, giving me a bath, shaving my legs, taking me to get my nails done, massages, brushing my hair, and running errands for me or with me. I've
thought about having him paint my nails or even doing some of my makeup but have not ventured
there yet.  I am not sure if I trust him with that.

Breakfast in bed is another favorite of mine.   In the evening we will usually go out to dinner together or plan some other fun activity with just the two of us. He is basically catering to my every whim (It
is so wonderful!).   On Goddess weekends, I do not spend much time at all teasing him unless I am in the mood.  An orgasm for him is not even a thought, although on a rare occasion it might happen.
However, he will spend a lot of time pleasuring me and giving me orgasms.

Something fun that I have him do every once in awhile is a body worship ritual.  He will be naked or in panties.  I dress in a short night gown or comfortable lingerie. He will start kneeling at my feet and I will order him to worship my foot.  He will kiss it and say "I love you," kiss it again and say "I
worship you," kiss it again and say "I obey you."  Then I will point to the other foot and he will
repeat this ritual.  I will have him do this all over my body.  I will adjust my night gown as needed to give him access to my body.  I may end up naked but I do find it fun and sexy to uncover and
recover my body parts with the night gown as he worships me.   He will kiss and repeat the words for the front and back of my legs, thighs, pussy, back, shoulders, ass cheeks, in between my ass cheeks,
and neck.  It’s also fun to make him worship my armpits.   About half way through I will change the words and make him say in between kisses "Your are my Goddess," "I am your slave," "I obey you."  It is a lot of fun when you get into it.  I will make sure he is hard the whole time, which does not take much encouragement at all.  If his cock/balls are within reach, I may hold them firmly while he
performs his worship and I will reaffirm his worship by saying things like "yes," "that's right," or
"good boy."  I may make him worship my ass several times, telling him how I know a slave like him
loves worshiping my Goddess ass.  I may order him to lick at times instead of kiss. We could easily
spend a 1/2 hour on this body ritual.  It is a lot of fun for both of us.

Goddess weekends are planned in advance.  Ideally it is a weekend where we have nothing else
planned.  However, with our busy schedules ,that may not be possible and so there are many times
where we work it around activities and events (which sometimes can add an element of fun). Our
kids are older so we are lucky enough that we can leave them alone and go out for a few hours. I let
him do all the planning for the weekend. Being the leader in the relationship does not mean you have to plan everything.  This is a time where I can sit back and just enjoy.  I do require him to write up his plans for the weekend in advance for my review.  I like to review it at least a day in advance while he is massaging my feet or kneeling before me.  Then I can give him my input or changes.  He is good at planning so most of the time I accept what he submits.  If there is a specific errand I need done, I will write it in.  I will also give direction on what he is to wear for the weekend - usually panties that
match mine and I may require him to wear a cock ring.  I've also tied a pretty pink ribbon around the base of his cock to remind him of his obedience to me.  The plan is always subject to change by me.  As the weekend progresses I may decide  to do something different and he just goes with it.

Goddess weekends are fun for both of us.  One may think that I am the one who gets all the benefit. It certainly is wonderful to be treated like a Goddess or Princess.  It is one of the best perks of being the leader in the relationship. I will not argue that.  However, there is also a thrill in it for the husband.
The submissive man is excited to serve his wife this way. To server her and treat her like a Goddess,
and be viewed as her servant, is a huge thrill for most submissive men. Trust me, they will love it.  I
know Thomas looks forward to these weekends.  When you think about it, the Goddess weekend
plays into the natural dynamics of the relationship between men and women.  It is not much different than when a man is courting a woman.  He will treat her like a queen and do everything possible to
impress her and win her over.  This happens all the time during dating and early in a relationship. 
Unfortunately for most people, as the relationship continues, the need to impress goes away and there are no more flowers, and less and less spontaneous activities to keep the relationship fresh.  I find that Goddess weekends help bring back that excitement and fun that you experience during dating.

Slave weekends are much different than Goddess weekends.  There is a whole different focus and
tone. I will write about slave weekends in my next blog.

-Mz Kaylee

Been Away and Annonymous Posting

I have been away for a few weeks and it has taken me awhile to get caught up with things at home and get back to posting.  I hope to have a new post up soon. I am glad to see there were comments and conversation on the posts while I was away. Sometimes, the best information comes from the discussion in the comments and not within the posts themselves. I appreciate the few people who nudged me to post more. I may need that every now and then.

I have a request for those posting comments - please end your comment with a name or initials.  I understand the reasons to post anonymous and have no issue with it.  The name you give does not have to be real so you can still be anonymous.  Having a name, helps with the continuity of the conversation.  It helps me understand if several comments are from the same person or is it all different people.  It also helps to understand if the person is male or female. By understanding these things, I can write more meaningful responses.

-Kaylee

Petting The Dog

So I am going to have al little fun with this post.  I was corresponding with someone about how we love to tease our guys and how they love it to.  Through the discussion it occurred to me that teasing a man is a lot like petting a dog.  Think about a dog.  When you pet a dog, he is your best friend.  His tail wags, he sits by your side and is happy.  I swear my dog gets this look on his face like "oh yeah...that's good." There is nothing the dog cares about at that moment other than enjoying you petting him. Have you ever been to someone's house where you pet the dog and now the dog won't leave you alone.  He will sit by your side as long as you pet him and if you stop petting him, he will look at you like, "I want more," and nudge you with his nose.  If the dog knows you are someone that always pets him, he is going to come back for more and more.

Now translate that to teasing your man.  When I am stroking Thomas's cock he is still and focused on nothing but the pleasure I am giving him.  He could lay or stand by me all day while I stroke him. If I do a long steady tease with him, it actually relaxes him and is even hypnotic.  If he had a tail, it would be wagging.  He always wants more.  When I stop and tell him to put it away, he gets this look of disappointment. Often times he even begs me for more.  Such a cute doggie! Since I tease him almost daily, even if it is just for a minute or two, he is always on the lookout for a little tease.  Sometimes I can tell he is hanging around me in hopes to get a little rub.  If I do bite and give him a rub, he gets this wonderful look of satisfaction on his face.  Like that little joy you get when biting into a delicious piece of chocolate.

And just like a dog, Thomas is so obedient for me.  After a little rubbing, I could give him an order and he will follow.  "Sit," "roll-over." Ha!-Ha!! No, it's more like "Run to the store and pick up milk," or "My car needs to be washed." He will run off happily and obey.

-Mz Kaylee

Hmmmm - How Big Is It (Written by Mary)

I am thrilled to have this post from a guest author, Mary.  It has always been my vision to have others contribute to this blog so that you as the readers get a great mix of topics and viewpoints.  Mary has stumbled across a fun "little thing" that hits a submissive chord within her husband.  It's great when you can uncover these things about your partner because it adds fun and excitement to the relationship.  Knowing how to push his submissive buttons also strengthens your authority over him and trust me..submissive men love to have these buttons pushed.  A big thanks to Mary for contributing. Enjoy...  

Hmmmm - How Big Is It

 

I have to confess - I feel I literally stumbled across the the topic of "penis size" as it relates to female dominant or female led marriages/relationships.  I am no expert and what I relate here is only my experience.  It may or may not relate to what others have run into.  I have not thought this all the way through....at all.  I thought that I could write enough to provide stimulus for

the thoughts and wisdom of others. I hope I don't offend.

 

First let me say that my own interest in this "little issue" ultimately relates to connection.  For me that is my main interest in being in and exploring female led marriage.  My sense is that it can offer an incredibly deep and special connection that can sometimes wane in long term relations.  To me good relations include "vulnerability" and I expect this "little issue" certainly relates to that.

First an "intro" - I expect there is hardly a sole alive who has not considered the topic of "penis size" - some care more, some care less but I think it does run across most persons minds at some point.  Certainly the ladies but maybe even more so - guys, some who have confessed to me that they thought about it very early on in life.

Even before I began to explore a female led marriage more explicitly I was no doubt a bit of a tease and pretty dominant with guys - even before marriage.  That is just how I always was.  I sort of liked to "use my feminine power" I guess.  I think it was in this context I came across the issue of "small penis teasing".  In truth my husband is not the "most endowed fellow on the planet"  (just saying) and in my naturally flirty manner I guess I pointed this out - um, more than once.  

The first couple of times it was sort of "innocent" (well...sort of).  I recall one of the very first times seeing his penis and saying "Awwww, it's so sweet".  I think at the time it was more of a natural response and I was not fully realizing that a man would prefer to hear "Oh wow, honey, aren't you huge"!  I was having for me a natural response and the word "sweet" just came to mind and lips.  However I quickly noticed I got something of a "quiet response" - really a totally quiet and submissive sort of "non response".  Not until the second or third time did I really realize that he had a "reaction" and a very powerful one to being teased in this way.

I  bounced around the internet and found some things on the subject of "male endowment".  Some of it was silly and pornographic but a few other things were of interest.  I began to experiment more.  Some of this was not nearly as "pre-meditative" as it sounds - more just me being a bit, well teasing.  Once at a dinner my husband (then fiance) was "asserting" his opinion on something (it was what movie to see) a bit more than I would like.  I softly said to him in a sort of "teacher tone" -

"Are we forgetting how big we are not"?  He knew exactly what I was referring to and got a lovely "quiet" to him.  That time I clearly saw it.  I let it sink in a moment and then said "That's much better".  

I have found other ways to tease him on this.  I think it is a mixture of excitement (after all his wife is talking about his penis which he loves) but also a sort of anxious tension in that I am pointing out who (no he) is in charge.  It has increasingly become somewhat of a game for me.  I know he feels way vulnerable and very, very submissive when I bring this up.  He is submissive so I think in a sense he likes to feel these feelings.  The other day I fondled him somewhat out of the blue (something I do from time to time) and said "Oh, sweetheart, you feel especially small today".  I don't know what the trigger is but not much later he was virtually begging to be allowed to give me oral sex.  Maybe it is the submissive mans desire to please?  I wonder if when I indicate one "part" of him is not so manly his drive to be "of service" in other areas goes through the roof.  I don't understand it but my experience is real.

Recently I have been "on the hunt" for new ways to tease him around this.  Sometimes he tries to "play it off" like he does not notice it or does not have a reaction.  But the other day he (weakly) asked "You would not tell any of your girlfriends about it would you"?  I think he is torn - I think he is terrified of that but I also think there is some part of him that almost wants me to tell one of my girls!   I have even looked at actors on TV and wondered (out loud) "Honey how much bigger do you think he is than you......if you were just guessing"?

Now that I have found this "button" I am on the hunt for additional manners of teasing him.  I find it draws us close. I cannot explain that entirely.  I really cannot.  It seems to give him a sort of "freeze response".  All of a sudden he is "under me", quiet, submissive.  Though he can be dominant out in the World I truly do not believe it is how he naturally can be with me.  There is something in this endowment business that speaks to that.  Not sure was all super endowed and dominant but then our relationship would not be as it is if that were so!  

I'd love to hear thoughts on this.  Hoping I don't get judged too harshly.

-Mary

Tapping Into His Submissive Mind - Orgasm Control

As noted in my last post, I would like to share some ideas and techniques for tapping into the male submissive mind.  My hope is that both women who are starting out in a FLR and those who are well into a FLR find something useful in my writing and apply it in their relationship.  When starting out in a FLR there are so many options to consider and it is often challenging for the woman to make sense of everything and figure out what to do.  For women who start to figure it out and successfully move forward with a FLR, the challenge becomes keeping the FLR going strong and keeping him obedient and disciplined without having the work effort consume all your time.  It seems that there is a ton of blogs and articles on how to get started in a FLR but I don't see much writing on the maintaining the FLR or advanced FLR techniques.  I hope to fill that gap with my blog.

The starting point for this discussion was easy for me to figure out and probably no surprise to many of you.  The best place I thought to start this discussion was with orgasm denial or what I think is more appropriately termed for a FLR, orgasm control and management.  With orgasm control your are not just denying him orgasm; you are taking control of when and how he can orgasm.  For simplicity sake, I will refer to it as Orgasm Control (OC) in my writing. 

 OC is the obvious staring point for discussion because most couples in a FLR incorporate some form of OC in their relationship and it becomes a core component of the relationship. If you are familiar with OC, please bear with me while I bring others up to speed. OC is the concept of the wife taking control and ownership of the man's orgasm.  She determines when and how he orgasms.  He must have her permission to orgasm.  This means no masturbating for him unless she allows it. Typically the husband is regularly denied orgasm and given permission to orgasm on an infrequent basis.  The time frame between orgasms is up to her and varies greatly by couples.  For some people it is days, for others it is weeks, and some even go months without orgasm.  Usually what happens is in the beginning it is just days and then overtime as the couple experiments with it and the man builds up a tolerance, the time frame becomes longer.  With my husband, Thomas, I like to vary the time frame to keep him guessing.  He typically goes 6 - 8 weeks without an orgasm.  Some times it will be shorter and sometimes I will make him go even longer.

Orgasm denial is one of those concepts that seem bizarre or just does not make sense on the surface.  It is easy for a wife to feel confused if her husband proposes the idea.  A woman may even feel there is something wrong with her if her husband does not want to have an orgasm.  These are all natural feelings and that is why it is important for the husband to help his wife understand the reasoning for wanting to be denied. 

If it is being approached from the opposite direction in which the wife is wanting to enforce OC on her husband, it is an equally sensitive topic.  It usually requires the wife to take it slow and even seduce or slowly rationalize her husband into trying it.  Once he begins to experience it, he often becomes hooked and even addicted to OC.  There is a lot of information about this on the Internet so I will leave that up to you to research if  you want to know more on how to introduce your husband to OC.  What I would like to discuss is the dynamics behind OC and why it is a powerful tool in the FLR.

It is important to understand that OC is not just about denying him orgasms. If you took the extreme and just ignored your husband's sexual desires and did not allow him to orgasm, it accomplishes nothing.  In fact it would probably create resentment with him. It would be no different than a vanilla marriage in which there is no sex.  We all know this scenario usually ends with an affair.  This certainly is not the goal of OC.  OC involves taking active control and ownership of his orgasms.  You are still engaging in sexual play with him, but he is not permitted orgasm without your permission. Thomas is never....let me repeat, never allowed to have an orgasm without my permission.  He must always ask for permission before having an orgasm, even if we are in the heat of the moment. He has also been trained to not expect an orgasm.  He will ask, but he knows the answer will most likely be no so he must always be planning to restrain himself from orgasm.  If he has an accident, he will be held accountable and will be punished.  If I find out he masturbated, you better believe he will be punished and it will be a very unpleasant punishment.  He understands these consequences. 

There are two key benefits to OC.  The first is maintaining his sexual energy and interest in you.  It is well known that the minute a man has an orgasm, his sexual energy diminishes significantly, he becomes tired, and he loses interest in the woman.  The loss of interest and sexual energy can even last for days.  By limiting his orgasms, a woman can keep his sexual energy high on a regular basis.  If he is denied orgasm during sexual play, she can assure that her needs are completely attended to and even expect continued attention and pampering afterward.  It truly is wonderful.

The second major benefit is that it establishes the wife's authority over him and puts her at the center of his focus.  The woman becomes the gatekeeper for his orgasms.  Men are highly sexual creatures and are constantly wanting to orgasm. The only way to get an orgasm now is through the wife.  He knows that he must be on his best behavior and please her in order for her to ultimately give him permission to orgasm.  This forces all his energies to be focused on her.  Prior to OC he could turn to porn and masturbation for release but now he must focus on pleasing her to get release. 

Remember in my last post when I noted that men thing about sext several times an hour?  Well now when he thinks about sex, he is going to be thinking about how to please his wife in order to get release.  One of the most fascinating confessions from Thomas was about how his sexual daydreams changed as a result of my control over him and his orgasms.  Previously, when he daydreamed or thought about sext 2 - 3 times an hour, he would mostly fantasize about situations with other women (yes, men do this.  Do not take is personally.  It's just how their brains are wired). Once OC was in place his fantasies evolved around me and he began to day dream about different scenarios of me teasing him and different things I would "force" him to do in order to earn an orgasm.  Wow!  What a confession and what a significant change. He basically admitted that he was thinking about me all day.  I became the center of his focus and these daydreams fueled his desire to be obedient to me even more.  It was a confession I will never forget and one that helped build my confidence in being the dominant partner.

Establishing OC in a relationship is a HUGE step for the woman in creating real power and authority over her husband. At first it may seem like fantasy but over time the dynamic establishes real power and authority. Once you've established OC, you have tremendous leverage and power over him that can be used to influence and motivate him.The first week Thomas and I experimented with OC, we were like horny little teenagers.  I think I teased and denied him every night, while making him give me orgasms.  It was a ton of fun for both of us and it really drove him wild.  Let's just say I really enjoyed this new power and he loved all the attention he was getting from me.  I had no clue what I was getting into.  At that time for me, it was just kinky fun and fantasy play. However, once we started with OC, we always kept the rule in place that I was in charge of his orgasm. For Thomas this was a new reality and forced him to come to me when he was horny and I think I was surprised that he actually did it and stuck with it.  In a matter of weeks, I began to realize I had a real authority over him and that it was more than just fantasy.  Fast forward to today, and it is an integral and natural part of our lifestyle.  

While this may be a power move for the woman, when done right, it also becomes a fantasy come true for the man.  Yes, believe it or not, most men love OC.  It is a win-win scenario for the relationship.  For many submissive men, just the idea or thought of you owning their orgasm is a thrill because they love the power dynamic and the feeling of being controlled and owned.  To drive Thomas wild, all I have to do is spend a few minutes telling him how I own him, I own his orgasm, and I can decide whether or not he'll ever be allowed to orgasm again.  I don't even have to touch him.  This kind of talk will get him all horned up.  He is so weak. lol.  Now when you combine OC with sexual play and lost of teasing of his cock or even using it to exert control over your husband, that's what drive men wild.

I recommend teasing your man regularly and bringing him to the brink of orgasm often.  I try to bring Thomas to an erection daily and bring him to the brink of orgasm a few times a week.  Don't worry, it really is not hard work. When you are practicing OC, he is always horny and so getting him hard is as easy as walking up to him in the middle of the day and rubbing his crotch for a minute or two (or less!). The purpose of this is to ensure that his OC is pleasurable so that he stays interested in OC and also focused on you.  He now knows that not only do you control his orgasms, but you also provide him with pleasure.  You may even find that he tries to spend more time with you or near you in hopes of getting a little rub.  I've notice this with Thomas. It really is cute and I love it.  So now instead of turning to porn for pleasure, he is conditioned to come to you and try to please you in order to get pleasure.

Now here is the interesting things with men (most men). Their arousal just seems to build and build. With OC and continued teasing, they can be in a continuous state of arousal.  This means high energy and more focus on you. Thomas always tells me that he is perpetually aroused and he loves it.  I have read several accounts where men admitted that the longer they were denied, the weaker their will power became and the more they wanted to please their wife.  Through continued denial and teasing it is as if their mind slowly turns to mush.  Some men even admit that their thoughts become more perverted as their arousal builds over time.  That's when you get the, "Ill do anything you want" response.  Think of all the possibilities ladies???

I do notice with Thomas, that when he is highly aroused or has been denied for a long period of time, he becomes somewhat obsessed with submission and sexual thoughts.  That's usually when I get notes from him confessing his desire to serve me and be obedient to me and even wanting to worship me. This is clear proof of how powerful OC can be.  It drives a deep submissive state of mind for Thomas and a desire to obey me. 

Now with some men, long-term denial causes stress and anxiety.  It is important to monitor this and respond accordingly. If you notice this anxiety, then it probably is time to allow him to orgasm.  Not all men react positively to OC and some men can not handle long-term denial. You need to adapt to your situation.  When Thomas starts to get very annoying and needy, I know it is time to allow an orgasm.

One note of caution, is that even with OC, you should still allow for recovery time after an orgasm.  In fact your man may crash even harder after an orgasm if he has been denied orgasm for a long period of time.  This is just the natural biological response of the male body and you need to allow for it.  When Thomas has an orgasm, there is usually a day or two afterward in which I keep a bit of a distance from him to allow him to recoup and reenergize.  Of course, there is a solution for that to.  Ruined orgasms are a great way to avoid the post-orgasm crash but that is a topic for another day.....

I will end with one final thought.  The great thing about orgasm control for the man is that even though he is being denied orgasms, the sexual attention and activity from his wife is much higher than before OC.  With OC, men experience the intense thrill of teasing and arousal and this becomes more exciting than the orgasm itself.  I would say the man under OC has a much better sex life and is happier than the man who is not under OC.

-MzKaylee.

Tapping Into His Submission

The submissive mind is complex and not always easy to understand. Trying to make sense of submission can be challenging and even frustrating at times. If you have been lucky enough to have your husband confess his desire to be submissive, then I am sure you've experienced an emotional ride as you've tried to make sense of it all.  It is a wonderful thing so I keep at it!

I believe that most men don't even understand the dynamics of their own submission.  Countless submissive men are seeking to satisfy their submissive desires through online relationships or even visiting a dominatrix. It is no secret that a dominatrix clientele is mostly married men and I am sure there is no shortage of married men seeking out femdom online. Deep in my heart, I believe that many of these men love their wives and do not want to hurt them. So why are they doing this? In submissive men in particular, there is a strong nagging need to have their submissive desires met.  When this desire it not met at home, they seek it somewhere else. To understand this concept even more, I recommend reading the Femdom101 blog by Kathy. She has first hand experience with this with her husband and has done a tremendous job at sharing her experience and thoughts on this. She has such an amazing and understanding view point.

The problem with these online or dominatrix relationships, is they are strictly kink based.  It is not a true relationship.  Love does not exist.  It becomes kinky fun but when it is over, there is nothing.  There is no fulfillment for the guy and so he keeps seeking more and more kink, only to experience short-term gratification. It is also very easy for a guy to be taken advantage of in these situations. How much money is he going to spend to chasing his desires?

One would think with such a strong desire, the husband would bring the topic up to his wife.  That is a bit of a mystery to me. I suspect it has to do with embarrassment and fear of rejection.  If the wife rejects the idea, then what happens?  He is shit out of luck.  Perhaps some of the male readers can share their thoughts on this. If you are a guy with these desires and have not told your wife, why have you not brought the topic up?

I certainly do not condone a married many seeking out these online relationship or visiting a dominatrix.  It obviously is not fair to the wife.  It takes away his focus on her.  How much energy is he spending online which is energy that should be focused on her and his marriage? How much money is he spending on it, which is really money that should be used for more productive things?  As he becomes more consumed with online relationships or porn, the chances are greater that  communication and intimacy with his wife are breaking down.

If we as wives, understand the submissive dynamic, not only can we satisfy his desires, we can also direct his submissive desires toward more productive things. While the submissive dynamic is complex, it can be understood.  Submissive desires vary for each man, but I believe there are many common underlying themes.  There are many techniques, strategies, and tools that can be used to keep him satisfied and happy, as well as an obedient husband to you.  It is important to employ these techniques regularly and not neglect his submissive desires. Often times, I think women in FLRs become complacent over time.  Similar to a traditional marriage, a FLR can become too routine.  As leaders of the relationship, we need to ensure this does not happen.  We need to stoke the fire a bit every now and blow his mind, if you know what I mean.  This keeps the marriage fun and interesting while also strengthening his obedience to you.

I first dabbled with the idea of FLR some 15 years ago with my husband.  I did not know it at the time, but it was going to be a wonderful journey with a lot of twists and turns and ups and downs.  Somewhere along that journey I became fascinated with the dynamics and psychological aspects of femdom and the submissive mind.  That fascination made me want to learn and learn as much as possible and I had fun trying things out with Thomas.  Lucky him!  Through all this experience and learning, I've develop a pretty good understanding of the submissive mind and how men think and react to various types of control and kink.  In my next few blogs, I will begin to share some of the things I have learned.

-Mz Kaylee

Discover Your Feminine Power

Feminine Power is often described as an energy within women which influences men.  Probably what comes to mind for most people is the image of a beautiful woman walking into a room and all heads turn her way.  You have no doubt seen a blooper video where a guy walks into a wall or rides his bike into a parked car because he is distracted by a woman in a bikini or short skirt.  I a always get a a good laugh when I see this.  It is funny but it is proof of the magnetism that women have to men. Just our bodies alone can disrupt a man's thoughts to the points that he loses his own awareness and common sense.

Men crave women.  They crave to be with us, to impress us and to make us happy. There have been studies on how often a man thinks about sex.  Did you know that men thing about sex on average 1 to 3 times an hour?  That means if you have spent an hour with a man, there is a good chance, a sexual thought about women went through his mind while he was with you  (maybe even a thought about you).   I wonder what all those men are thinking during meetings at work :).

Thomas has pretty much validated this for me.  In fact, with him sexual thoughts are more often since he is teased and denied regularly by me. If you are still in doubt, do a little experiment.  Next time you are in a public place, stand back and quietly observe the men.  When a girl walks by, you will almost always see their heads turn and follow. It does not matter whether he is married, single, young or old; they all react the same way. All the men reading this right now are nodding their heads in agreement,  right? If I point out a pretty girl to Thomas or make a comment to Thomas about a girl in a skimpy outfit, 99% of the time, Thomas has already noticed the girl, even if she is on the opposite side of the room.  It's pretty amazing actually. lol!

My point to all this is that men are wired to crave women and that gives women power.  As a woman, you can get upset by this and be disgusted by a man's behavior or you can understand that it is part of how men are wired.  With this understanding, you can be smart and leverage your feminine power to channel their cravings in a productive way.  Think about a man's cravings as a flowing river with lots of energy.  Left unchecked it does what it wants and can lead to erosion and destruction. However, if you put a damn in place, you can control the flow and energy and use it for productive purposes such as generating electricity.  Ladies, we need to be the damn for our husbands and have their energy flow through us and direct it in a way that benefits the relationship. 

I want to point out that feminine power is more than just sexiness or a physical body.   It encompasses softness, nurturing, vulnerability and love. All of these attributes working together create an energy that has a profound influence on men. A women who needs help (vulnerability) can command the attention of men just as much as the woman who turns heads.  Now think about when you were dating before you got married.  Wasn't your man falling all over you and doing things to please and impress you?  I bet when he first was attracted to you, he gave up valuable time with his guy friends just to be with you.  Did you ever feel like you had him around your finger?  That was your feminine power at work.

If you are married, then you already know that your feminine power has been effective on your husband.  Otherwise, he would have never spent his hard earned money on a ring for you and asked for your hand in marriage. If you are married, it is safe to assume that your husband is attracted to you and sees great qualities in you.  Therefore, you can be confident that your feminine power is strong with him.  Most women do not realize how much power they have over their man.  One reader commented to me that she was so angry at her husband over something that she ordered him to stand nose-to-wall quietly. She was not sure what made her do this and she was surprised that in that moment he obeyed without question. This was before she was even in a FLR!  That is a fantastic example of feminine power at work.  He was compelled to obey her because of her display of authority and because he wanted to please her and not make her any more angry.

A FLR is a great way to get in touch with your feminine power.  As my FLR evolved through trial and error, and with regular talks with my husband, I discovered my inner feminine power.  Ladies, let me tell you, if your husband is submissive, you most likely are underestimating the influence you have over him.  He will do just about anything you want and love it when you turn on the feminine charm.

The FLR journey for me, has made me much more confident and sure of myself.  With my husband I have complete influence over him and know what things make him weak, excited, mad, etc.  Knowing which levers to pull or not pull obviously has great benefits.  This discovery process has also benefited me outside of the marriage.  I am also more confident at work and am very sure of myself in the company of other men and women.  This has made me a more effective communicator in everyday life.  I feel more empowered and respected.

Understanding and embracing your feminine power, not only builds confidence in you, but it also builds a respectful and positive character that is noticed by others.  Below is a link to a beautifully written article on feminine power which I think is worth reading.

http://www.thefemininewoman.com/2010/03/the-power-of-femininity/

-Mz Kaylee

Follow-up - What makes you want to submit

Thank you to all who commented on my last post.  Your comments are a fantastic resource, for both men and women, to understand the FLR dynamic. Many of you commented that the dynamic is not easily understood by outsiders.  I could not agree with you more. It took me many years to understand and there are still fuzzy areas for me.  This is why I encourage all of you to share your experiences as well as what is going on inside your head.  It is not intuitive and not always logical but it is real and  the more people hear about it, the easier it becomes to embrace. I hope more of you share your experiences and feelings.  It does  not matter if it is repetitive with someone else's comments or if you just want to agree with a comment.  The more we see similar comments the more it validates to women the common themes and validates to other men that they are not alone in how they feel.

Some of the things I read from your comments were that you have desires to submit to women and to feel controlled and owned. That you want more strictness and that it makes you happy to make your wife happy and to make life easier for her. Ladies , are you taking notes?  You now have the green light to embrace his submission and be treated like a queen.

I discovered with Thomas that the more strict I am the more he enjoys it. If I get into a mood where I don't want to hear crap from him and I am just spouting out orders, his demeanor changes and he drops into submissive mode.  I have caught him getting an erection as I'm giving out orders. Lol.

Another takeaway from several comments is that although there are things you don't enjoy, you don't mind because it is a small price for the greater good of the relationship. That is fantastic and a characteristic of a strong man. Whether it be a FLR or a traditional marriage, this is the right attitude. So  many marriages fail because sacrifices are not made.

Thank you again for contributing. I can write about these things, but there is no credibility without reaffirmation from your comments so please continue to give your input.

Mz Kaylee

What makes you want to submit?

I have not had a chance to write a new post because I've been spending some time responding to comments.  I encourage you to look back through the past posts and revisit the comments.  There have been some good discussions.  Feel free to add to the discussion.

I have a few topics in mind for my next post but I need to find time to write.  In the meantime, I'd like to  pose the below questions to all you submissive guys.  Here's your chance to help out us ladies (and guys who are contemplating FLR) by giving your input.  The dynamics of a FLR are not intuitive and not always logical.  I think your responses to the answers below will help provide insight into this. Feel free to answer just one, two, or all three.

1. What makes you want to submit and obey your wife/partner?

2. Are there things you do not enjoy, but you "put up with" as part of your obedience?  If yes, why do you do it and is it worth it?

3. Are there things that you enjoy doing, which you think others (in a non-FLR) would not understand why you enjoy them or would think that you are being taken advantage of as a result of doing them?  

Fairness in a FLR

In my last post I posed the question, is a FLR fair?  I enjoyed all the responses and was happy to see that there were different perspectives and opinions presented on the topic.  The responses were thoughtful and I appreciate that. I have to say, I had a very specific view on this topic but my view has broadened a bit after reading your responses.  I love when that happens :).

My initial thoughts were that a FLR is unfair. There are many aspects of a FLR that lead me to this conclusion.  These include things such as the submissive husband does most of the chores (sometimes all), does not get the final say in any decision, has little control over the sexual aspects of the relationship and in many cases no control over his own orgasms. Additionally, he must always cater to the needs and whims of his wife and yield to her even when he feels he may be right.  There are many FLRs in which he earns the majority of the money in the household, yet he has no control over the money and may even be limited to a very small allowance. 

The above examples probably do not all apply to your relationship, but if you are in a FLR, surely there are a few that are relevant to you.  Those specific scenarios highlight the unfair aspects of the FLR. " One poster, "Sublove,"pointed out that fairness does not matter in FLR; it is more about needs. "I'm-hers" had similar comments."Franklin" indicated that he enjoys being treated unfairly.  These are good points.  If you are entering into a FLR, you are subscribing to the idea of unfairness.  You are buying into the idea that the female has ultimate authority and control over the male or submissive partner.

Many of you indicated there is fairness in the relationship because there are benefits to the submissive.  Benefits that were mentioned were that it is rewarding to serve your wife, you receive sexual gratification or eroticism from being treated unfairly, and there is a deeper connection and happiness within the marriage.  How I interpret this, is that many of you feel that if you take a step back and look at the FLR as whole, there is fairness.  "I'm-hers" pointed out that perspective or definition of fairness can make a difference in what is fair and not fair. Others commented on this as well.  This is good stuff! 

After taking it all in, I still think ultimately a FLR is a bit unfair towards the submissive.  What I have learned from your responses is that although there is unfairness, there are certain aspects that bring fairness, especially when you look at the overall benefits of the FLR.  If you were to take a few days of a FLR and break it up into small segments and look at just those segments individually, you would probably see a lot of unfairness.  For example your might see the husband taking orders from his wife, doing most of the chores, and pampering her.  You might see him wanting to do something but being told no by his wife. However, if you glue all those pieces together and see the overall benefits, and if you were to talk to the submissive partner and understand his feelings towards that treatment, you would probably find that it is not as unfair as it seems. 

Prior to understanding this I would have not inserted the words "a bit" in the first sentence of the previous paragraph.    I also believe that unfairness is not always a bad thing.  Sometimes it is needed to accomplish things and it is in the best interest of all parties. I'd like to end with a quote from "sublove" which I think puts a great perspective on the topic:

"But really, what is fair and why is it so important? To me, if someone is overly concerned with things being fair, that person is centered on him or herself too much. I believe strongly in what comes around goes around, you are what you eat, show me your friends.... etc. If you're always worried about what's fair then you will probably never have enough. If you go about the business of giving of yourself, (submitting, as it were) helping others, then you appreciate the things you do have and that creates happiness.

Thank you all for contributing to this post.

-MzKaylee

Is a Female Led Relationship Fair?

I would like to pose this question to all of you. I have my thoughts and opinions on this but before I share them I would like to hear from you. Is a FLR fair?

Inquiring Minds Want To Know

I've received several post comments, questions, and e-mails recently.  I think it is great that many of you are taking an interest in what I write and I truly appreciate the positive comments and support.  I encourage all of you to go back through my blogs and read the comments and add your own thoughts, opinions.  If you are a female involved in a FLR, I welcome your opinions and advice with open arms. The more we can discuss and share, the more others can understand the wonderful benefits of a FLR and hopefully be encouraged to move their relationship in that direction.

Below I've responded to some of the questions I have received. A few are a bit off-topic but boys will boys and I know these things are always in the back of your mind.......

What are your thoughts on cuckolding?

 It is not something that interests me.  I enjoy the intimacy I have with my husband and have no desire to disrupt that with another person. If both partners agree to it and it works for you, then that's great.  It becomes another tool for the wife to control the husband and another mechanism to add spice to the relationship.  It is something that should be contemplated seriously before starting and both partners need to over communicate their feelings throughout the process.. Relationships and emotions are delicate and bringing others into the mix can cause issues.  However, I know for many people it works well.

 

How often does your husband pleasure you? 

Of course you know the answer is that he pleasures me when I want :). The frequency varies depending on what's going in our life at the time. We have two teenage kids so right now finding time alone is a challenge.  I'd say on average 1 - 2 times a week but sometimes it can be less frequent.  Men seem to be so focused on the act of sex.  Don't get me wrong, it is great, but there are so many other good things.  I love a foot massage, having him serve me breakfast in bed, or simply having him kneeling at attention for me. Not to mention I tease him quite a bit during the week, which brings me sexual satisfaction.

 

How often do you let him climax? 

I do not keep track.  He climax's when I decide, which can be when I am in the mood to allow him (not often) or if I notice he is getting a little antsy.  I call it the "annoying factor."  When he starts to get annoying it is usually because he is overdue for an orgasm. I would say he typically goes anywhere from 4 - 8 weeks.  Sometimes it is longer and on occasion it may be shorter.  While his orgasms are rare, he gets lot of teasing in between.  I find this length of denial combined with regular teasing keeps him in a constant state of arousal, which he enjoys and it keeps him wanting to pleasing and serve me.

 

Do you allow sexual intercourse?

Yes.  There is a lot of symbolism in our sexual intercourse.  Thomas views it as a very special privilege to have sex with his Goddess Wife.  He knows that in our marriage it is not something he is entitled to.  Often times after we have sex he thanks me for allowing him to have sex with me.  I love that he uses the word 'allowing'.  During intercourse I am on top and in control.  He does not thrust unless I allow it.  If there is any thrusting it is only for my benefit, to enhance my pleasure.   Thomas has the mindset during intercourse to focus on pleasing me and to suppress his own orgasm. He never expects an orgasm during intercourse and he is not allowed to orgasm unless I give permission.  I will only allow him to orgasm during intercourse once or twice a year.

The frequency of our intercourse varies based on my mood and how busy we are.  Most of the time I have him pleasure me orally or with his fingers so intercourse is not very frequent.  I enjoy limiting it as a form of control over him and to let him know that it is a very special privilege.  Often times we have intercourse about once a month.  There are also times when we go 2 - 3 months without intercourse.

This may seem extreme to some of you but it works for us. Thomas enjoys being controlled in this way.  He gets an erotic rush when I have an orgasm during sex while he is denied.  I will drift to sleep afterward while he is awake and fully aroused.  He loves it!  He has told me that it arouses him whenever he thinks about the fact that he will never be allowed to have regular sex with me.  My control and restrictions over his sex life is a thrill for him (and me too :).
 

What are your thoughts on semen?  Is it gross?  Erotic?  Something you want to totally avoid?  I'm neutral.  I don't think it is gross and I don't get overly excited by it.  It just a part of sex.

Do any of your friends have a FLR?
Not that I am aware of.  It is not something that I talk about with friends.  We keep to ourselves about our FLR.

-MzKaylee