Happy New Year

Wishing you all a happy new year! With a new year approaching, it is a good time to think about how to make your WLM even better. To my fellow Goddesses, think about changes you can make to "up" your Goddess lifestyle and what things can be done to motivate your husband to serve and obey you even more. Can he take on more chores or pamper you more? Is there a new routine that can be added to your week or day? What additional rules can you add to keep him in line or make him feel even more controlled and owned by you? You can make it a goal to be more strict, hold him more accountable by enforcing punishments, or just try new things and pushing his or your limits. It can be exciting to try something completely new such as experimenting with chastity, strap-on sex, or feminization. 

Adding a theme to the year can be fun. For example, you can tell him that in 2020 you are going to explore his feminine side more or that the focus will be on training him to be a better slave for you. Other themes can be that he will learn to worship you like a Goddess or that you will explore pet play with him. There is no shortage of themes that can be used. Let your creative mind run wild!  Throughout the year you can buy items, set expectations and plan activities and training that support the theme. Themes are also nice because they help the submissive get into the right mind set and stay focused. It can be a fun journey to gradually explore the theme during the year, going deeper and deeper into it as the year progresses. 

For those of you that are submissive husbands, think about how you can better serve your wife. What can you do to make her live like a Goddess? What can you do to make her happier? Think about telling her that you want to be a better husband and want to do a better job at serving her. Don't be afraid to ask for her help with it and ask for her to give you feedback and hold you accountable in 2020.

It's healthy for any relationship to try new things and evolve the relationship. It keeps things fun and exciting and helps the couple grow closer together.  So what are you going to do about it in 2020?

Happy New Year!

Why Dealing With Submissive Men is Like Dealing With a Five Year Old

Thanks to all who participated in the discussion from the last post. There were quite an array of responses - some agree, some disagree and some in the middle. A few people took it a step further and talked about men actually being treated like a child or baby, which was not the intent of my question, but I enjoyed the comments and hearing about the experiences. I was glad to see differing opinions because that makes a good discussion and leads to more thought provoking comments. More people disagreed than agreed with the statement that "dealing with men is like dealing with a five year old." I think that is because more men responded than women. Special thanks to the few women that responded. It was disappointing that we did not hear from more women because the question really is aimed at women. While I enjoyed reading all the comment from the guys, the reality is that guys can not fairly comment on the subject because it is the women who have to deal with them.

The idea of posting the question came as a result of correspondence I was having with another woman who is in a WLM. As we shared our experiences and dynamics in our WLMs, we both concluded that many of the things we do with our husbands are similar to what you would do with a child. Examples include: having to punish or spank them, sending them to the corner, being very specific and authoritative when telling them what to do, having to regularly monitor the tasks that they do to ensure they are done correctly, telling them "good boy," regularly questioning them on things they've done, and talking with them, using a motherly tone.

Some of the reactions and things that submissive men do also reminded us of what a child would do. The guilty look on his face when I question him about sitting in my chair, the sad look when he is punished, or the pouting when he is not happy are examples. Another common example is how submissive men are constantly vying for our attention and will do silly or bad things just to get it. We can see right through that boys! On the positive side, when I use a strict and demanding tone he responds immediately, similar to a child who knows not to disobey his mother in that moment.

I  am not implying the submissive men are the same as a five-year old and that men have the same maturity level of a five-year old. There are moments when they act like a child but overall submissive men certainly are more mature than than a child.  My earlier post on the "Strong Submissive Man," emphasizes the the many great qualities of submissive men and those strong qualities are clearly above the level of a five-year old. What I am merely stating in this post is that there are similarities in dealing with children and dealing with submissive men,

Dealing with submissive men is like dealing with a child but that is not necessarily a bad thing. It is just something for women to understand as the embark on a WLM. Women need to feel comfortable punishing their husbands, being authoritative, and acting in a motherly way toward them. It may seem strange at first but the more you accept and do these things, the more natural it feels and the better results you will get with your husband.

-Mz Kaylee.

Just for fun: Agree or Disagree

Dealing with submissive men is like dealing with a 5-Year old

The Strong Submissive Man

I want to dispel a myth or rumor that you may have heard. Often times I hear of people who think or have the impression that submissive men are weak and inferior people. That is far from the truth. Submission does not mean weak or that a person is inferior. From a hierarchy or power point of view they are inferior to someone else but it does not make them an inferior as person. A submissive man is also not automatically submissive to others. My husband is 100% submissive to me but at work he is a leader and has employees reporting to him. He is well respected among his friends. I would not expect or want him to feel that he is submissive to others.

I do tease him that he is weak. That is part fantasy play but let's also acknowledge that he is weak for me; not a weak person but my feminine power over him makes him weak for me. That's no different than other guys, right? The most macho men, the most intelligent men, even powerful men are weak in the presence of  women that they are attracted to or women who know how to seduce him and press his hot buttons. So there you have it, both submissive men and macho men have the same weaknesses when it comes to women.

Now let's talk about some of the qualities of the submissive man that I consider much better qualities than the typical non-submissive man:

• You are great communicators and for the most pat open and honest about feelings. I have learned to be a better communicator because of my husband. Because of this we have very few arguments and resolve differences quickly and without holding grudges.
• You listen and pay attention to your wife. Your primary focus is on her and family and not your friends. This is huge! I can't tell you how many guys I see that are more interested in hanging out with their friends than their wife. That's an issue! Your wife should be your #1 priority. 
• When you are asked or told to do something, you do it without arguing or giving an attitude (most of the time :).
• You say "I love you" a lot and are more open to showing your vulnerability. 
• You do many things on your own to show appreciation for your wife such as buy her flowers just to make her day better.
• You do all the chores that  your wife does not like doing.
• Orgasm denial has trained you well.  You have stamina and endurance that can outlast most men

When I read the above list, I do not see weakness. I see a strong, caring, and hardworking man.  I see man that I would be lucky to know and lucky to be married to.  Guys - do not be ashamed of your submission or view yourselves as weak or inferior to others. Embrace your submission, be proud of it, and recognize that you are a strong person with great qualities.

-Mz Kaylee.

Why I Love My Submissive Husband

1. On Sunday I woke up and a hot cup of coffee was waiting for me, made just the way I like it. That is an every day occurrence for me.
2. I relaxed most of the day and watched TV while hubby did all his chores- laundry, vacuum, clean bathrooms, etc.
3. I had a few errands to do and he was my personal chauffeur. It's nice to not have to worry about driving.
4. In the afternoon I cooked and baked. I do not delegate these activities because I enjoy them. However, the mess I make and all the dirty dishes are cleaned up by hubby. Baking is much more enjoyable when I don't have to clean up.
5. He fills my car with gas and withdraws cash from the ATM for me for the week. I love that this happens every week without me telling him to do it.
6. I tell him to get something out of my car for me. He jumps to it immediately without question.
7. In the evening he showers and shaves (both face and balls) in preparation for our night routine. It's nice to have a smooth clean man in bed.
8. Before bed he bathes me and massages me. After my massage I allow him to pleasure me. He gives me a fantastic orgasm without expecting one in return.
9. After my orgasm, I send him to kneel naked in the corner. He has been good the past week so it is not a punishment but instead it serves as a reminder of his position in our marriage. 
10. I drift to sleep while he kneels in the corner and reflects on his submission to me. Before he goes to bed he will let the dog out,  lock up the house for the night and turn off all lights.

Submissive men are great! If you don't have one you are missing out big time!

-MzKaylee

Pet Names and Alternate Personalities

"Pet" names are common in in relationships and very common in Wife Led Marriages (WLM). I am using the term 'pet' very loosely. In the context of this article, pet names refer to any name that you call your husband other than his birth name. For example, a few pet names I have for my husband are slave and slave boy.

In a WLM there are a few benefits to having a pet name for your submissive husband. First, referring to your husband with a pet name on a regular basis is a constant reminder of his position beneath you in the hierarchy of your relationship. When you have a pet in the house, the pet is at the bottom of the hierarchy. You are the owner of the pet and the pet is trained to be obedient and follow commands. Assigning a pet name to your husband, has this same connotation. Of course you need to make sure the name you choose appropriately conveys his inferior position. Some examples:

• Pet, Puppy, Dog, Kitty, Kitty-cat
• Slave, Slave-Boy, Puppet
• Girl, Princess, Sissy, Baby-doll
• Cutie, Cute Boy, Angel, Precious 

Another benefit of a pet name is that using it helps put your husband into submissive mode. When I say, "slave bring me a cup of coffee," it creates and instant response from Thomas and also creates an emotional reaction in him that surfaces his submissive feelings. It is a different feeling than if I were to just ask him to get me a cup of coffee.  Some names have a stronger impact than others. When I refer to Thomas as 'slave,' it most definitely conveys a message that his is beneath me and must obey. 'Slave boy' has an even stronger impact because the term 'boy' implies that he is my child and not a mature adult. Likewise, in the examples above, 'Sissy' is a much stronger word than girl. Calling a guy a girl suggests that he has feminine qualities, which may be embarrassing for a guy but as us women know, feminine qualities are a good thing and are good for guys to have. Guys with feminine traits are more accepted in today's world. On the other hand 'Sissy' implies weakness an inferiority and it is very humiliating and demeaning for a guy to be called a sissy. A wife who calls her husband a sissy will generate feelings of strong submissiveness and humiliation in her husband. I personally do not think names with strong negative connotations should be used on a regular basis.  However, they can be very effective when role playing for fun or for punishment. For example, as part of Thomas's corner time punishment, I could make him wear panties with the word Sissy embroidered on them and I could make him write a letter of an apology to me and sign it at sissy Thomas. Having him wear the sissy panties under his clothes at work would be another form of punishment. I've seen sissy panties for sale on Etsy that are super silky and frilly and definitely not something a woman would wear. They would make for a good punishment.

There are several terms that can be added to the pet names to make them even more inferior names. Examples include, 'little,', 'baby,' and 'boy.' You could refer to your husband as little boy, little Johnny, baby girl, little pup, or slave baby. Pet names can also be attached to a fetish. If your guy has a foot fetish, you could call him foot boy or toe licker. I think it's fun to use initials. You could call him WFF for "weak for my feet."  If your guy is into small penis humiliation, you could use names like peewee or baby boy or just use the word little in front of his name. Do not underestimate the power of these words. It is amazing the effect they can have on a submissive guy when used over and over again. I notice with my husband, simply saying good boy or good girl, put him in a submissive and obedient mood. It's like a switch flips in his mind when I reward him with a 'good boy' and he wants to listen and obey me even more. Sounds crazy but believe me, the effect is real.  Give it a try.

I recommend having multiple names that can be used in different situations. 'Slave' and 'Slave Boy' are the pet names I use on a regular basis. In fact, when he give me cards, writes me letters, and sends me texts he is required to sign them as either slave or slave boy. If there is a chance that the message can be seen (e.g. texting), he will use the initials SB. In addition to those names, I will often refer to him as 'girl' when he is acting silly or in a girlish way. I may refer to him as girl or princess when we are in the bedroom because I usually have him in panties. Most definitely when we are shopping for panties, I play the girl card. Other names I call him are 'pet' and 'toy' or 'boy toy'. I use pet when we are role-playing. 'Toy' and 'Boy-toy' are names I use when I want to be pleasured by him but don't want any of his drama and am not in the mood to play with him. He is a toy that exists to pleasure me. I may also come up with a name on the fly that I use just once or twice. Once when he was worshiping my ass with my tongue, I teased that he was a good ass kisser and brown noser. The next day when I saw him, I said, "there's my little brown noser," I know it sent his mind in a tizzy thinking about what he did the night before.

Creating an Alternate Personality
A powerful technique for tapping into his submission and exerting your power over him is to create an alternate personality that is associated with the a pet name. Often times this happens without you realizing it because pet names tend to be used regularly under the same situations so the husband becomes conditioned to react a certain way when the pet name is used. It is even more powerful (and fun) to formally create the alternate personality. You do this through role playing and establishing specific behavior expectations when the name is used. For a traditional couple, this role-play is just fantasy fun.  The great thing for the WLM couple is that as you role-play it over and over again, it transitions into that blended fantasy-reality world and it can lead to some fun, intense, mind blowing moments for the couple. In the WLM, the pet name can become a trigger that instantly surfaces the alternate personality.

This is a very powerful technique for the wife to use to break down barriers and push limits with her husband. The reason it is so powerful is that it is easy for a guy to let go of his inhibitions and forget about societal preconceptions when he is given permission to take on an alternate personality. It is similar to someone who puts on a mask or costume at a Halloween party or someone who takes on a role in a play. A person hiding behind a mask often feels more at liberty to do silly things and take on the personality of the mask. An actor in a play who embraces the role, has no issue being over dramatic and playing out the character role because he/she is expected to act that way. The same is true when you train your husband to take on a new personality. Once he drops into that tole, you will be amazed how what you can get him to do.

The fist time you give it a try it may seem silly but the more you play with it, the less silly it becomes and it turns into exciting and arousing fun. It is a lot of fun creating the alternate personality and it is also fun to resurface the personality whenever you want. Below are some specific examples:

Toy
As your toy, train him to be still and not move and not speak unless given permission. He pleases you only the way you order him to. As a toy, his pleasure does not matter. He is not permitted to cum as a toy and should not expect it. He exists solely to pleasure you. It is easy to train this personality. Simply have him lie on the bed, sit on top of him and say, "Tonight you are my toy. I am going to use you for my pleasure. You are not to move or speak and you will not orgasm." If you are in a more playful mood, you can drag it out a bit and tease his cock while you go over the rules. Then once all the rules are established go to work and use him for your pleasure. Be very direct in what you want him to do. If he does something without your permission, reprimand him immediately. For example if you are on top of him riding his cock and he starts to thrust, immediately command, "no thrusting toy!" Sometimes I like to add a physical reinforcement when I reprimand him such as pinching his nipples or punching him (my punches do not hurt him. It's more for effect). During the whole episode, refer to him as 'toy' as much as possible. When you are done you could say things like, 'thank you toy,' or 'I am done with you toy, calm yourself down.'

Remember, that the ultimate goal you are trying to accomplish is to create a personality and not just a one time fantasy play. You can do this simply by repeating the above episode over and over again and eventually he is conditioned to be your toy. You could also be more direct and let him know that going forward whenever you refer to him as toy, you expect that he behaves exactly as you trained him. The benefit to the personality is that you don't have to explain things every time. If you are in the mood to be pleasured and not wanting to deal with his neediness, you just say, 'toy, meet me in the bedroom,' and he will know what to do. "wham-bam, thank you toy!"

Feminization
Creating an alternate female personality for your husband can be exciting. This is one that I like because there are so many facets to feminization that you can explore with your husband and you can explore just a little bit or go as deep as you want. The femme personality is also a great way to offset the macho male personality. If he is starting to act up and go back to bad habits, simply bring out the little girl in him and suddenly he is under your thumb and ready to obey. I do find that my husband is more focused on me and in good behavior when he is in panties. Building a female persona can be a great mind game for your husband and it is something that you can continually evolve over time.

It's best to build the personality when he is fully aroused and while you tease his cock. This reduces his resistance, makes it exciting for him, and links his pleasure to the feminization. Give him a female name. This is the mask that he can hide behind. Suppose you call him Tammy. You can tell him that you want Tammy to come out and play and that when Tammy is out, he needs to shed all his masculine habits and become more soft. This simple reframing from his male name to a female name allows him to step into the female role without guilt. When he is Tammy he is free to be feminine and when you are done with Tammy, he can go back to his boring old self and forget about Tammy.

I've used this a few times just to have a fun weekend. I'll say something like, I want this to be girls weekend. It's time to put Thomas away for awhile and bring out Tammy to play or I might say, I want to bring out the little girl in you this weekend.. Thomas gets excited by this and immediately drops into a docile and submissive frame of mind. He knows that the weekend will be filled with him wearing frilly and lacy lingerie. I will also bring out the female personality if his bad male habits begin to show. On occasion he will talk to me with a bit of attitude, which is never acceptable to me. I may tell him that his bad male side is starting to show and so I don't want to talk to Thomas and that I want Tammy instead. By the time I am done with Tammy, his attitude is completely changed and he emerges from being an obedient girl to a completely obedient boy.

Those are just a few examples. There are many other personalities you can develop such as a kitten, puppy, baby, or a slut. Make sure you keep it all in good fun. The techniques above are intended to spice up the relationship and are not a necessity of a WLM. I would love to hear what pet names you all use and if you have role played any personalities.

-Mz Kaylee

Corner Time Follow-up

Earlier this year, I wrote a post on corner time. I started using corner time with my husband for both discipline and punishment. I often experiment with new things in my WLM and I am happy to report that corner time is one of those techniques that is working well for me and my husband. I like it because it is very easy for me to administer and it helps my husband stay focused on doing things correctly and to my satisfaction.

What has been working well for me is to review his behavior on a weekly basis and if there are things that require improvement, he is sent to kneel in the corner naked or in panties for a specified period of time. The amount of time depends on how many things require improvement and how bad the behavior was. I will usually lay in bed and read while he kneels quietly in the corner. This weekly routine makes it easy for me to provide feedback to him on his performance. I find that I am giving more feedback than what I previously was doing, which has helped him keep up with his chores and do them the way I expect. In addition to incorporating corner time into our weekly routine on occasion, if he does something really bad (like talk to me with an attitude), I will send him to the corner right away and not wait for the weekly routine. Fortunately I've only had to do this a few times.

I actually enjoy seeing him kneeling in the corner for me and I can tell it has an effect on him. It puts him into submissive mode. Something that many couples do is have maintenance spankings where the husband is spanked regularly as a form of discipline and to keep him focused on serving his wife and to reinforce his submission to her. I have done those in the past but spanking is just not something I stuck with on a regular basis. However, I am finding that corner time is much easier to do on a regular basis (well easier for me :) ). Therefore, I recently began incorporating "maintenance corner time" into our weekly routine. This means that each week he will be sent to the corner. If he has been good, it will be 5 - 10 minutes for him to meditate and get his mind into submissive mode for me. If he requires discipline or punishment then it will be 15 or more minutes of corner time. In talking to Thomas, I've figured out that 10 minutes is pretty easy and not much of a punishment, which is why punishment or discipline will always be at least 15 minutes.

I started the maintenance corner time a few weeks ago and it has been working out good. It keeps him in a good submissive space and helps him stay focused on doing his chores the right way.

-Mz Kaylee

Reality Check

After writing the last series of posts on the submissive craving, I feel the need to do a reality check. I don’t want people to think those posts represent the day-to-day life in a wife-led-marriage (WLM). There is a lot of fantasy, exaggerated dominance, and role play integrated into the concepts I wrote about.  Fantasy days, power trips, and boot camp are different tools that can be used to spice things in the marriage while also helping solidify the WFM.  They are fun ways to make it happen and are not activities that happen on a regular basis.

These activities quench the craving for dominance and control that submissive men desire. I recommend the wife to engage in these fantasy activities on occasion to help satisfy that desire and because of the many other benefits, which I outlined in my last post. The key words in the last sentence are “on occasion.” It is not practical or realistic for most people to live their life in an extreme dominant lifestyle. I also don’t think it’s healthy, nor is it how I would want to live. I don’t want my husband to be a mindless slave. I don’t want to make all the decisions in the house. I want a husband who is my friend and that I can have an intelligent conversation with, and that we can do things together and have fun.

A WLM is not about constant training, punishment, and discipline, and extreme strictness. These things are incorporated into the WLM but are not every-day activities.

The WLM is a mindset that the wife is head of household and has the right to final say in all decisions. The husband yields to the wife’s authority and works to please and satisfy her. The wife’s needs and desires have top priority but she leads the marriage with love and consideration for the husband’s needs and desires and the husband willingly serves his wife out of love and the desire to please her.   

That is the core of WLM. All the other details add the fun and spice to the marriage. Each couple is different and can define those details based on what they want. I hope that series of posts provided ideas that you can apply into your own marriage. Have some fun and give them a try. If you do, please comment and let us know how things went. Also, feel free to share your own ideas and experience.

-Mz Kaylee

Submissive Craving - Boot Camp (Continued)

PHASE II: INTENSE TRAINING

Friday
I know Thomas will wake up Friday morning with an erection and I know he will be eager and excited for his training. This is his fantasy world and he is on an erotic high. Per my orders, Thomas is up at 6 am on Friday and there is an envelope on the bureau with his morning instructions. He is to shower and shave and practice saying his mantra out loud up until 6:30. In my note I remind him to keep the collar and cuffs on, even in the shower, and that he is not to speak without permission. Included with the note is a very long list of chores. At 6:30 he is to start on the chores, doing them in order and checking each one off as he completes it. The list is exhaustive and pretty much includes cleaning every inch of the house. I even have a few fun tasks thrown in such as arranging my shoes neatly and refolding the panties in my drawer to be nice and neat.  Thomas will be working the list throughout the weekend in between the activities I have planned. He does not know this. He only knows that he is to work down the list until 8:30, at which time he is to start making breakfast and coffee for me so that he can serve it to me in bed at 9:00.

During breakfast he quietly and obediently rubs my feet and then I have him dress me for the day. No fetish wear for me today. I've already accomplished what I wanted to accomplish with fetish wear the night before. Today it's just shorts and a t-shirt for me. While he cleans up breakfast I do a quick inspection of the chores he has already done. This is boot camp so I am expecting perfection and looking for things to correct. It's amazing how many things you can find wrong when you want to. I quietly make a list and then review it with him. During the review his hands are cuffed behind his back and I lead hi, from room-to-room by his hard cock. In start in the living room and I read from the list of what needs to be corrected in that room. Then I place the list on an end table and have him read each item saying "I promise to do better at...[state the item]." I spank him with the riding crop after each item. It's mostly lighter teasing slaps but for things that I think are more serious, he gets a harder slap. I repeat the same process in each room. When we are done, I release his hands and send him off to correct the items.

While he corrects the items,  I relax and read through the list of rules and chores that he prepared in advance of boot camp. The nice thing about having him write out the list is there are many rules that I have created over the years, which I don't remember. Honestly, many of the rules were to appease his submissive nature and I did not pay much attention to after we initially established them. However, he remembers most of them and I am amused at several of the ones that I forgot about. For the most part he does a great job at following the rules and keeping up with his chores. However there are many that he could do better with and I highlight those for discussion later. I also add a few that he forgot about.

Next it is off to do some errands and lunch. The butt plug, a pair of silk panties, cock strap, and clothes are laid out on the bed for him to wear. Once properly dressed I remove his collar and cuffs and we are off. He chauffeurs me  around, quietly follows me in the stores and carries my bags. I instruct him to always remain a step or two behind me. I also let him know that going forward I expect him to follow that rule whenever we go shopping together. I swear his cock twitched in his pants when I said that :) We of course have to stop at Frederick's of Hollywood and browse the sexy lingerie. I pick out a sexy teddy for me to wear later and a few pairs of panties for him.

The rest of the day is more chores and him serving me and pampering me. In the evening I wear the newly bought teddy and have him put on a pair of the panties that I picked out. Then it's lots of teasing for him and lots of pleasure for me. I queen him and have an incredible orgasm while he is denied and left in a horny state. Thomas will tell me several days later that he did not sleep great during boot camp because he was so horny and charged up that he kept waking up with erections.  I loved hearing that!

Saturday
Saturday follows a similar pattern as Friday. He wakes up aroused and then showers and shaves and starts on his chores. Then it's breakfast in bed, more chores for him, and me training him to correctly do the chores. In the afternoon it's more errands and shopping and in the evening, teasing and domination by me. When we are home he is naked and in collar and cuffs. When we go out it's panties, cock strap, and butt plug. I enjoy the ritual of removing and putting the collar and cuffs on him each time we leave and return home. I make sure to tease his cock a bit each time. When I put the items on him, I tell him "good boy" and tell him how sexy he looks in his collar and cuffs. When I take them off, I let him know that I can't wait until to put them back on again when we are home. I am purposely saying things like this to him to reinforce my control over him and acceptance of his servitude toward me. One thing I have learned over the years is that words have a strong impact on submissive men. They cling to them much more then the typical person and it really affects their emotions. Simply saying "I own you" or "your belong to me" has a deep emotional impact. Saying these things when they are in a highly submissive and aroused state has a multiplying effect. Words are very powerful and when used over and over again, I believe they can shape a persons thoughts and emotions.

I keep a very dominant and strict attitude with Thomas throughout the day. I incorporate spanking, corner time, kneeling, and lots of teasing into the training. Even when he is pleasuring me, I am very dominant and commanding with him, telling him what to do and being physically rough with him. By now, he is not the only one immersed into a fantasy world. I am riding on the high of being in control and really getting into the domination role. It's amazing how much you can get into it when you put the real world aside and dive into the fantasy.

PHASE III:STRENGTHENING HIS LOYALTY AND OBEDIENCE
Sunday
On Sunday the focus shifts from him to me. The day will be about him serving and worshiping me. I want a nice breakfast at the table and I want to see fresh flowers on the table. I don't want to get up early so I give him permission to remove his collar and cuffs on his own when he leaves in the morning to buy the flowers. I come down at 9 am and everything is set perfectly and he has the flowers arranged nicely in a vase. This time I allow him to sit at the table and talk with me. It is a first step towards transitioning back to the real world. Although for him, he will ride the submissive high for many days after boot camp.

After breakfast he bathes me and massages me and then I order him to worship my body. He kisses every part of my body. With each kiss he tells me that he worships me and will always obey me.  It's a little over the top but as I said before, this is boot camp and boot camp is over the top. In his perpetually aroused and submissive state, I sense that this type of body worship has a hypnotic effect on him. I like it! In keeping with the theme, I present my ass to him and tell him to worship it. He must first recite his mantra while staring at my ass. I am amused by this and feeling so in control, like I own him. I make him worship my ass with his tongue for several minutes all while telling him how much I love it and how much I love that he serves me, is beneath me, and that this is how it is meant to be. My words are purposeful and meant to dominate him emotionally but also part fantasy. In my opinion words, actions, and attitude are much more powerful and impacting than physical domination.

Next I have him lay on the bed and I tease him to the brink of orgasm over and over again. It's easy to do in his super heightened state of arousal. While I tease him I tell him again how much I enjoy that he is my submissive slave and talk about how it will always be that way. This excites him even more. As a part of the teasing, I place a pair of my used panties over his face and have him worship my panties by taking deep breaths and inhaling my scent. I tell him that each time he breathes in my scent it makes him weaker and more under my control. I continue to tease his cock. Each time he hits the brink of orgasm, I stop and hold his cock and make him recite his mantra to me. With him on the brink and me still holding his cock, he must concentrate very hard not to cum. It is a great mind fuck and so much fun for me to tease him like this. I know he loves these mind games and that this will have an effect on him for weeks after. By the time I am done with him, his mind is complete mush. I leave the room and tell him to come down stairs when he has calmed down.

We go out for lunch. He still must wear the butt plug and cock strap when we are out of the house. He is so horny that the slightest touch from me, a strict tone, or dominant remark sets off his erection. What I enjoy about cock straps/rings, is that they multiply the arousal effect and make it last longer. At least that's what they do to Thomas. When he is wearing one and starts to get aroused, it is hard for him to stop the arousal and he usually ends up with a full erection. Then, because of the strap it take him a long time to calm down, Now add in the effect of the plug in his ass and he has no chances against the forces surrounding him. He has frequent erections while we are out. I have a little fun purposely saying things or giving him a little rub to set him off and then teasing him about how weak he is.

In the afternoon, he kneels before me naked while I sip a glass of wine. Now it's time to use the rules and chores list that he prepared prior to boot camp. I have him read the items on the list that I highlighted. As he reads each highlighted item, he must promise to do better. When he finished the list he promises me that he will continue to do an excellent job with the other items on the list. Finally, I hand him a pen and tell him a few more rules that will go into effect immediately and add a few more chores that he must do going forward. He writes them down on the list and then he repeats his mantra again. Are you seeing the theme here for Sunday - lots of worshipping me, mentally reinforcing is submission, and having him promise to do better. There is a lot of mental domination on Sunday.

His last big assignment for Boot Camp is to write me a letter. At least one page is to be focused on thanking me and telling me how lucky he is to be allowed to serve and obey me and at least one page is to be focused on how he promises to obey and serve me going forward and what he will do to make my life better. I let him know that he will read me the letter before bed and if it is convincing and I am pleased by it, he will earn back the privilege of wearing his wedding ring and being my submissive husband. In his frame of mind, I am sure I will get quite an interesting letter. I limit it to three pages to keep him from going too far off the rails. While he writes his letter, I relax and watch TV.

In the evening, as promised, he reads his letter out loud to me. I am sitting in a chair while he kneels before me wearing nothing but a cute pair of panties when he reads the letter. I enjoy his letter and some of the things he writes makes me laugh. I tell him he has earned back the privilege of being my submissive husband and can wear his wedding ring again. Before I place the ring on his finger, I tell him that the ring has new meaning compared to the first time I put it on him when we were married. Not only is it a symbol of our never ending love but it is also a symbol of his eternal submission and obedience to me. I have him pledge this to me before I place the ring on his finger.

I end the night and boot camp by queening him. In my opinion, queening is one of the most dominant things a woman can do to a man. Being on top of him,fully in control while he works diligently to pleasure me is liberating. It is a great way to end the session. I know he is horny and ready to explode but I decide not to allow him an orgasm. I want his horniness to spill into the week so that boot camp has a lasting effect on him. I feel like an orgasm for him at this point would totally wipe him out and would lessen the effects of boot camp. He will have to wait until the next weekend for his orgasm.

Boot Camp Conclusion
There it is...my intense boot camp. This post was much more detailed and personal than what I usually write but sometimes the best way to explain things is to to tell the story and share actual experiences. Hopefully you get the gist of what can be done. You can go more extreme or less extreme depending on your comfort with it and what you want to accomplish but you do want to make sure your boot camp is more structured and intense then what you normally do. It's takes quite a bit of planning to make it effective. I thought the way I structured it into the three phases (breaking him down, intense training, and strengthening is loyalty and obedience), worked very well.

There are many benefits from boot camp. It was tons of fun for both of us and it quenched his submissive craving. It really was a fantasy come true for him. Aside from the fun, in the end he became better trained to serve me and more loyal to me. The effects were immediate. The first few weeks after boot camp, Thomas was wrapped around my finger and doing everything possible to please me. His loyalty to me and desire to serve me was so strong! Over time that effect wore off and I needed to use the typical discipline and motivators to keep him in line but there were some definite changes with his attitude and and how he served me and did chores that became a permanent part of his being.

Boot Camp also helped me become a better dominant wife. The experience made me more comfortable being in control of Thomas and I think I emerged a little more tougher, confident, and in control of my husband. Finally, we grew closer as a couple through the experience. When you experience something together that is so intense and intimate you can't help but get to know each other better and feel closer. It is a wonderful feeling.

I hope you enjoyed the post and I sincerely hope that you can take something from this series and apply it to your relationship.


--MzKaylee

Submissive Craving - Boot Camp

I saved this technique for last because it incorporates the concepts from my last two posts (fantasy days and power trips). Also, it is a more extreme approach. Women new to WLM may not be ready for something this extreme (but it's really not that extreme :). I'm sure there are many beginners whose dominance comes naturally or who are very comfortable in their sexuality and being dominant. If you fit into this category, then Boot Camp is a great way to kick start the WLM and establish the rules of the marriage going forward. In a growing WLM, Boot Camp can be used to elevate his obedience and servitude to a higher level. For example, perhaps you've reached a point where you are ready to kick things up a notch and have him take on more chores or you are ready to incorporate additional rules and expectations for him,  Boot Camp is a fun and effective method for taking your relationship to that next level. Finally, if you are in a mature WLM, then Boot Camp can be used to re-energize the WLM or whip your husband back into shape if he has started to slack off or has gotten too comfortable in the submissive role. Celebrating your wedding anniversary with a boot camp is also fun to do.

When you hear the term Boot Camp, you're probably thinking about military boot camp or if you are a fitness buff. maybe a fitness boot camp comes to mind. Boot Camp is associated with things like intense training, rigid structure, high expectations, and toughness. I always envision a drill sergeant giving orders and pushing trainees to their limits. When it comes to boot camp for your husband these same concepts apply. The idea is to put your husband through strict and intense domination and training over a period of several days.

While a military boot camp is tough, intense, and challenging to endure it is a positive experience because the recruits emerge physically and emotionally stronger and well trained. Likewise I want my boot camp to be both tough and a positive experience for my husband. My goals are to train him to serve and obey me exactly the way I want, strengthen his submission and devotion to me, and to quench his submissive craving. Boot camp is a fun way to do this. Trust me, boot camp is a fantasy come true for submissive men.

Before I go further into describing Boot Camp, I want to provide a little perspective into the wisdom I am about to pass on. I have only done Boot Camp with my husband twice. The first time it was pretty basic and mostly focused on me training him to do chores. I told him we were going to spend the weekend doing training. It was early in our WLM so I was still learning the ropes. The term Boot Camp did not come up until after it was over. Whenever we referred back to the training session we called it the Boot Camp weekend. The second time was many years later when I was a seasoned dominant wife and more comfortable in my role. I planned out several days of Boot Camp with the intent of improving his service to me and also blowing his mind with intense dominance and control. What I describe below is based on the second session because it is a much more comprehensive approach,  By no means do you need to do it all. Pick and choose what works for you based on where you are in your WLM.

There are many ways you can structure boot camp and endless activities you can incorporate into the training. They key is to keep your days structured and to elevate your dominance and expectations to extreme fantasy levels. For Boot Camp, I wanted get my husband to the point where he was obeying and waiting for the next order or task and not thinking on his own. I structured it into three phases. Phase 1 was to set the strict tone for the training and "break him down" to that point where he is just listening and obeying, phase 2 was intense training, and phase 3 was bringing him back to reality and strengthening his loyalty and obedience.

Pre-Boot Camp
There is prep work for him. Boot Camp will start Thursday after work and will last until Sunday. We will both take vacation days from work on Friday. At the beginning of the week I give him instructions that he is to make no plans Thursday - Sunday and that by Thursday he must make a list of all the current rules he is expected to follow and all chores and tasks that he is expected to do. I let him know that he will be punished for every rule or tasks that he forgets to include. I will use this list during boot camp. I also tell him that he must shave his genitals Wed night so he is nice and smooth for me and I want him to get a fresh clean haircut prior to training. Finally, I give him a mantra to memorize. I let him know that he is expected to recite it on command. I don't recall the exact mantra I used but it included things like he worships me and promises to obey me and serve me always.

PHASE I: BREAKING HIM DOWN

Thursday
I lay out work clothes for him to wear along with thong panties and a cock strap. I leave a note that I expect him home by 5pm. He is not to be late. If he is late, regardless of the reason, he will be punished. For him to be home by 5pm he has to leave work early. If he has meetings in the afternoon he will have to reschedule them. If he can not, then he must suffer my consequences of being late. If he is late because of traffic, too bad! This is a no excuse policy. This tough stance is designed to start setting the tone for the next few days and get his mind into submissive mode.

He arrives before 5pm and I am waiting for him in my latex mini dress, heels, and my hair pulled back. This look adds to the dominant tone and immediately shifts his mind into submission. I can see the results immediately in his body language and the bulge in his pants. He is so easy! I order him to strip in the living room. I even take his wedding ring from him and let him know that for the next few days he is nothing but a slave to me and will have to work to earn back the privilege of being my submissive husband.

Next, I have him stand naked in the middle of the room for an inspection. Before the inspection begins, I attach leather cuffs to his wrists and ankles and put a collar around his neck. I start the inspection by tracing my hands all over his body and circling him slowly while I view my property. He is not allowed to speak during this. There is a lot of groping by me and I pinch his nipples. It's basically me enjoying my property while I make comments like, "my property." "you belong to me," and "so nice." I also order him to do things like spread his legs wider (I'll firmly kick his foot outward when ordering this), put his hands behind his head, hold his arms out, and bend over. During the inspection most things are good but I point out a few areas that need improvement such as trimming his nails and eyebrows. I note these on my punishment list and then retrieve my riding crop. While he is still in position with his hands behind his head, I give him a few firm swats on his ass and make him promise to take care of the things I pointed out that need improvement. I then place the crop under his balls and gently rub them with the crop. I tell him I am pleased at how smooth his balls are but that I notice a few hairs. I give his balls a few light taps with the riding crop and tell him he needs to take care of that before he goes to bed. "Yes Goddess," he replies. Finally, I command him to recite the mantra the he has memorized. He is able to do it but he stumbles a bit and misses a few words. I give him a several swats with the riding crop and tell him he needs to improve. I expect him to recite it exactly as written, without hesitation, and with enthusiasm. I want the words to flow naturally and not as if he is reciting something he just memorized. He will achieve that before the end of Boot Camp. No excuses.

With my inspection over, I go over a few rules for the next couple of days. Some of the rules he already knows but since it's boot camp, I re-state them to remind him of my authority over him. I begin to lightly stroke his cock with the riding crop as I give the first rule, "no cumming without my permission...and I don't plan to give permission anytime soon. Understood?" He responds with a "Yes Goddess." My second rule is that during training over the next few days he must always respond to all orders and commands from me with "Yes Goddess, I exist to obey you."  It's a little over the top but that's what boot camp is all about.  Out of habit he responds with "Yes Goddess" and he immediately gets a hard swat of the riding crop and I firmly correct him, "Yes Goddess, I exist to serve you." He starts to apologize and I spank him again and repeat "Yes Goddess I exist to serve you." He finally wises up and just repeat those words. I acknowledge his response by saying, "Those are the only words you need to say," Then I give the next rule, "you will not speak at all unless I ask you a direct question or I give permission or you are acknowledging my orders and commands."

I go through a few more rules with him while I slowly circle his body and trace the crop over his ass, cock, and balls, giving a few slaps and spanks here and there. My tone is firm and authoritative. I purposely look for things to correct him on as we go through this exercise. His is not standing straight enough, he is not speaking loud enough, he needs to respond with more enthusiasm, etc. I do this purposely so that he is feeling my power and authority and does not have time to think for himself. I want him in the mindset of just obeying every command I throw at him.  The effect on him is noticeable. He is fully aroused, submissive, and ready to obey. I can tell he his having a difficult time listening as the pleasure and submissive feelings wash over him. He is exactly in the mindset I want him to be in.

I am also in different mindset at this point. I am aroused and feeling the power. I sit on the couch, spread my legs and order him get on his knees and to orally pleasure me. I am very forceful and dominant with him while he pleasures me. When I have had enough. I forcefully push him away and tell him I am done with him. He is breathless. I love it! While I recover from my orgasm, I order him to remove my heels and then he kneels before me while I order takeout dinner.

I decide to have Thomas pick up the dinner rather than have it delivered. This will give me a few minutes alone to collect my thoughts for the rest of the evening. I remove his collar and cuffs and have him wear a butt plug, cock strap, and panties under his clothes. I pick out a t-shirt and gym shorts for him to wear. For the next few days he will have no choice in what he wears. I will pick out everything. I let Thomas know that during Boot Camp he is to always be in a collar and cuffs when in the house and whenever we leave the house he is to always have a butt plug in. The routine will be that when we leave the house he will insert the plug, put on the cock strap, and then wait for me by the door. I will remove his collar and cuffs. When we return to the house, he will immediately strip naked and stand facing the wall next to the door and wait for me to re-collar and cuff him. He is not permitted to go any further into the house until this happens. Then he can remove and clean the butt plug and cock strap.

When Thomas returns with the food and he is naked and cuffed again, I order him to set the table just for me and prepare my plate. He will be serving me and not eating with me. I have him stand at attention next to the table while I eat. On command he fetches me drinks, cuts my food, and refills food on my plate. I take many opportunities to fondle and tease him while he serves me. In between commands he stands quietly at attention and listens to me talk about how good the food is and how much I am enjoying him serve me. After awhile I allow him to kneel next to me and I feed him some of the food every now and then. I must confess, feeding him while he knelt beside me was quite erotic and a big turn on.

After dinner he cleans up while I relax on the couch and watch TV. Then he is off to run me a bath.  He bathes me, massages me and then pleasures me again before bed. Our first night of Boot Camp is over and he is broken down and in complete submissive mode and I am feeling very much in control.

TO BE CONTINUED.......

Submissive Craving - Power Trips

There are many things I do that send a clear message to my husband that I have authority over him. In this post, I'll refer to these actions as Power Trips. I think that's a fitting description since it is about me wielding my power over my husband. Power Trips come in many forms. It can be firm orders commanding him to do something, a demanding discipline session, a harsh punishment, aggressive sexual play, or fantasy play where I tease at how I own him and that he must obey me.

Sometimes a Power Trip is done with serious purposeful intentions. For example, if I feel Thomas is slacking off in his chores or becoming lazy, I may take a strict and serious tone with him and order him to immediately address the issues. I may take it further and point out small little things that need to be improved with his chores and I may even add a few additional tasks that I want him to do in the next day or two. The benefit of a WLM is that I can spout out orders and not have to worry about him arguing. He obeys without question. This is a bit of an extreme approach and it is purposely done to to correct his laziness and improve his behavior. It also serves a dual purpose of quenching his submissive craving, Yes, believe or not, submissive men enjoy and desire this tough and demanding approach. Thomas always gets an erection when I do this.

I also use Power Trips to remind him of my authority over him, which of course brings out his deep submissive nature. My fellow Goddess wives, if you want to try something fun, plan out a day for your husband and then tell him in a very direct and commanding tone what he is going to do for the day. The key is to be commanding and not ask or be polite. It could go something like this, "Thomas, I have a few things that need to be returned to Kohls. After breakfast you will return them for me and then you will pick up a few things at the supermarket for me. Once you get home, you will do all your chores before dinner. After dinner plan on running me a bath and I expect a massage afterward."

It is fun for me to hit Thomas with demands like that out of the blue. The instant change in his demeanor when I do this is exciting to watch. He gets excited, submissive, and aroused all at once. He becomes an instant loyal slave who can not wait to serve me and his submissive craving is being fed by me. I am still amazed at how simply changing my tone and attitude can have such an impact on Thomas. Ladies, if you have not done this with your submissive husband, you must give it a try. You will not be disappointed.

Last week I peeked into the living room to make sure Thomas was not sitting in my chair. He was not, but I let him know that I was checking on him. Doing little things like that to make sure he knows you are enforcing rules is another purposeful power trip that keeps him on his toes.

Then there are the Power Trips that are more fun and fantasy but also remind him of his place beneath me. When he is begging to cum, I may tell him how weak he is. I enjoy teasing his cock to the brink of orgasm over and over again, while telling him things like I own him, I love that he is my slave,  and that he needs to obey me and please me if ever wants to orgasm again. One of the biggest Power Trips is to tease him until he begs for orgasm and then tell him 'no.' When we first started our WLM it was fun to do this but it was not easy being tough. I would often give in. In fact, years later Thomas would admit that I was somewhat predictable when I would allow an orgasm. That predictability went away once I got my feet wet in WLM and learned that being denied orgasm is actually a rush for him, I became very good at denying him and I now enjoy having that power over him and I also get a rush from it. It is so much fun for both of us when I get him all worked up and then have him pleasure me to an orgasm but he gets none. Thomas can no longer predict when I will allow him an orgasm. Sometimes he goes months and sometimes he goes weeks and every now and then he might get one within a few days. I absolutely love teasing him like that and he loves the mind fuck from it all.

Another fun Power Trip is to take complete control during sex and be very dominant and aggressive with him.The queening position is great for this or having him kneel and perform oral on me. In the past year I've become much more aggressive with him during oral sex, squeezing my thighs tight around his head or pushing his head into me. Let's just say he's been having a hard time breathing down there. :). What's crazy is that the more breathless he is, the more aroused he gets. I must confess, oral sex has gotten hotter with us in the last few months.

Sometimes during sex (I am on top), I order him to remain still and not thrust. He is supposed to always remain still during sex or while I tease him unless I tell him otherwise. He is pretty good at following this rule but sometimes his natural instincts kick in and he starts to thrust. I will allow it on occasion if it is feeling good for me but others times I will reprimand him and tell him to remain still. Even when he is still, it is fun to order him not to thrust just to reinforce my authority over him. Whenever I give the order to not thrust or for him to remain still, something changes in him. His arousal suddenly spikes and it becomes harder for him to repress his orgasm. Another great mind fuck just by saying a few words!!

Power Trips are a lot of fun for me but also drive him wild and help to appease his submissive craving. As you become experienced in WLM, you'll find that often times you'll naturally go into Power Trip mode or sometimes it will be a spontaneous activity. It is also fun to plan a fantasy Power Trip every now then to spice things up and to remind him of his proper place beneath you. If you are a woman who is new to WLM, planning frequent Power Trips is a must! It is a great way for you to get comfortable in the dominant role while having fun.

I would love to hear what Power Trips you have all experienced and what are your favorites.

-Mz Kaylee.

Submissive Craving - Fantasy Days

Engaging in my husband's submissive fantasies on occasion and focusing on his fetishes is one way that I feed his craving. If you are new to Wife Led Marriage (WLM) or femdom, fantasy play is a great way to dip your feet into this new wonderful world and start to experiment with your husband's submission and your dominance over him. When a couple is embarking on a WLM, there is often a large imbalance between the husband's craving for being controlled and the amount of time the wife exerts control over him. His craving is much bigger and more intense than what she can give. A large part of this is usually attributed to her not understanding what to do or not being comfortable in the dominant role. Fantasy play is a great way to start bridging that gap.

In the beginning of my WLM, we planned monthly fantasy days. They helped me get comfortable in the dominant role and helped me understand his submission. There was very little domination that occurred in between fantasy days.  I was just not prepared to engage fully in the lifestyle at that time. However, over time, as I became more comfortable and confident with being dominant and as I learned more about the dynamics of his submission, I began to exert control over him outside of the fantasy days and I began to incorporate rules and expectations for him into our daily life. It was a slow and gradual change but eventually (after many years) the monthly fantasy days faded away because we had transitioned into a WLM lifestyle. For couples new to the lifestyle or who are struggling to keep it going, I recommend this approach. Guys, for you, this approach can be a compromise  if your wife is not engaging in the lifestyle. This is one of those times when you need to adjust your expectations and accept that domination will occur only during the fantasy times and really enjoy and savor those moments and not pester her about wanting more.

Although monthly fantasy days have faded away in my WLM, we still engage in fantasy days. They are just less frequent. Fantasy play still has a place in a mature WLM. Even a WLM can grow mundane over time. Fantasy days are a way to spice things up. A WLM is not meant to be all serious. Fantasy and fun are great ingredients for any marriage. I find that when I let loose and play into his fantasies and fetishes, it strengthens his submission to me and brings us closer together as a couple. When you engage in his wildest fantasies, he often experiences new levels of pleasure and thrills. If you have a strong intimate bond with your partner, like my husband and I do, it is easy to trust each other and completely let go of your inhibitions. The result is deeply fulfilling and intimate fantasy play that brings you closer together. It is almost spiritual.  I have heard others in a WLM, including some of you who read my blog, describe the same type of closeness after experiencing and intense fantasy or domination session.

It is very easy to engage in a fantasy day. I know my husband well so figuring out what to do is not hard. For me the hard part is getting into the right mood. It is easy to get caught up in day-to-day life and not take time out for fantasy fun. That is why it is good to plan a few of these each year.  Once I focus on it, I get in the mood quickly and it is fun and exciting for me too!  There are also times when fantasy play is spontaneous. If the mood strikes you at anytime, go for it!

If you are in a newer relationship or just starting the journey of WLM, just ask your husband about his fantasies. A word of advice is to continually ask about his fantasies over time. Often times men are embarrassed about some of their fantasies and therefore do not disclose all of them to you initially. As your relationship grows and your husband gets more comfortable expressing his fantasies to you, he will open up more.  Also, over time a man's fantasies may change so it's good to revisit fantasies. Another technique for drawing out his fantasies is to ask about them when he is horny. A horny man will open up more about his sexual desires. I find it very amusing and fun to tease my husband's cock while I ask about his fantasies. Keep probing deeper and deeper the more he talks and you will learn a lot. You can also ask leading questions such as, "do you enjoy being tied up," or "would you let me spank you?" I've discovered that the more horny my husband is and the longer he is kept in a horny state, the more bizarre his confessions become. lol! I don't get freaked out over it. Men do not think straight once their hormones run wild.

Once you know his fantasies, it is up to you to choose which ones to engage in. You have no obligation to engage in any particular fantasy of his. One of my husband's top fantasies is a three-some where he is submissive to myself and another women.  That's not going to happen. There are many other that I will not do. Some of the things that I will do which he loves include putting on fetish wear, turning into strict dominatrix, spanking, inspecting his body and queening him. I've also put a collar and leash on him and led him around the house like my pet. It really is fun when you get into it! Often time I will play into his feminization desires by taking him shopping for panties, making him dress in stockings, or planning a "girls night out" with just him and I, Some of these things I may do on a typical day and not as part of a fantasy. What makes fantasy days different is that it is a day where I focus solely on his fantasy or fetish and take it to a more extreme level.  It is pure fantasy and fun and not meant to be real.

Fantasy days are a lot of fun for both of us. In fact, I usually turn them into fantasy weekends and sometimes I extend some of the fantasy even longer. For example, earlier in our WLM, the only time I had Thomas wear panties was when we did fantasy play. Sometimes when the fantasy was over, I would tell Thomas that he still had to wear panties for the next week.  And to think, now he wears panties 24/7!  That's a good example of how our fantasy play transitioned into real life.

I enjoy doing fantasy days for my husband and I also benefit from them. As I wrote above, we bond during fantasy days. I also notice a stronger sense of loyalty and devotion to me in the weeks following a fantasy day. I can tell that he is happy grateful that I entertain his fantasies every now and then, I guess it's one way to ensure I remain the girl of his dreams :).

-Mz Kaylee

Submissive Craving - Part 2

In part 1 of this post, I wrote about how strong the submissive craving is in men. The many comments logged in part 1 validates that what I wrote about is real. Thanks to those of you who contributed and provided input. I enjoyed seeing that there was also discussions within the comments among a few of you. The discussion and sharing of experiences is helpful for all of us to learn and be encouraged in our WLM journey. If you have not read the comments in part 1 or contributed to the discussion, I encourage you to do so.

What I learned from your comments is that the craving for many of you is strong, occurring daily and even multiple times in a day. This is believable to me because it is no secret that men often fantasize or think about sex/woman multiple times a day. There were a few comments on how the desire to submit started at a very early age and that it is wired into your thinking. I have heard this before from men and my husband has also confessed that he had fantasies and desires of being dominated even before puberty. Many of you talked about feeling more balanced in your life and focused on your wife when you are under her control. It is a wonderful benefit of the WLM lifestyle.

A few of you noted that this craving is not something that you can repress. I believe you and I sense that it takes a lot of self-control to keep it from becoming obsessive. It is important for women to understand this. It is not healthy for men to repress these feelings and it is destructive for the relationship if the husband is struggling internally with these feelings and not able to open up to his wife about them.

On the flip side, submissive men need to manage this craving. If you can not manage it then it becomes destructive. Guys, sometimes you need to just live in the moment and appreciate what your wife is giving you. I often see a guy post a sob story about how his wife does not dominate him but then in subsequent posts or if you read historical posts you find out that he's locked in chastity and gets spanked and so on. He does not appreciate that his wife really is dominating him and that there are thousands of guys who dream of being in his situation. The issue is that the craving is so much that submissive guys always wants more and more and when that happens, you can never be happy. I am speaking in generalizations of course. I know not all of you think that way but I am sure that many of you can relate. Those of you who learn to control it, find happiness and fulfillment and those who can't will never be satisfied.

Guys, you also need to understand that most women do not crave domination in the same way that you crave submission. Some do and if you find a woman that does, then you've hit the submissive lottery. I am not one of those women. While I have embraced his submission and enjoy it, at times I find my husband's deep submissive desires to be annoying and trust me there are lots of things he wants me to do that I will not. Over the years he has learned to manage his craving and appreciate what he has instead of always wanting more. He has learned to change his expectations for the things he knows I will not do. It does not mean he does not fantasize about them or does not still have hope that one day things could change.  Even I have learned to never say "never". There are things I do today that I would never have imagined doing several years ago.  However, my husband has learned to not have high hopes about those things happening in the near future (at least I think he has :). By resetting your expectations, you can enjoy and savor the things that are happening now and find pleasure in them.

Of course I know the craving is not easy to control and as I wrote earlier, it is not good to completely repress it. The more the husband and wife can embrace it together at a healthy and sustainable level, the happier and more fulfilling the relationship will become. Even in a mature WLM, where dominance and submission has become a natural way of life, the craving for more still surfaces. Just like a traditional marriage, over time the spice in the relationship can fade away. In my last post I mentioned three things that I often do to keep that from happening: Fantasy Days, Boot Camp Training, and Power Trips.  I will write about those in my next post. Until then, please continue to share your thoughts and experiences on the topic.

-Mz Kaylee.

1 Million Views!

I just noticed that my blog reached 1million+ views. In today's world that's probably not much but it's an exciting milestone for me. Thank you all for reading my posts and for the great comments and discussions!! 

-Kaylee

The Submissive Craving

Submissive men crave to be dominated and controlled by a woman. It is not just a want or desire, it is a deep craving. If you are a male submissive you know what I am talking about. For women who are new to Wife Led Marriage, it may not be so easy to comprehend the submissive craving. Have you ever craved something bad?  Perhaps it's that craving for a coffee or chocolate and sweets. I often get the chocolate craving. Once it's starts, I can't stop thinking about it. If there is no chocolate in the house, it is torture. As I do my usual business throughout the day, the craving will stick with me. I may forget about it when I get busy but thoughts of chocolate always come back until I get my hands on some chocolate. Have you ever craved something so much that you find yourself imagining it and tasting it in your mouth? I have! No doubt if I am craving chocolate I will make a trip to the store to get some (or make hubby get it).  And when I finally get it...oohhh....it tastes so good and makes me feel so good...food orgasm!

I'm sure most of you can relate to the experience I described above. That is similar to what submissive men experience with the need to be dominated and controlled and the desire to feel submissive or owned. The challenge with men is that their submissive craving is frequent. Usually with a craving, once you get what you want, the craving dissipates and it may be a long time before that craving comes back. However, the submissive craving does just the opposite. The more submission is experienced, the more he begins to crave it. It can become an addiction. When you add in the constant arousal experienced by men who are denied orgasm over prolonged periods of time, the craving becomes even stronger.

The submissive craving is a constant desire to feel controlled and to be dominated. This includes desires such as being punished, spanked, or reprimanded; being talked to in a authoratative manner; being forced to do tasks, submissive or humiliating things; kneeling before his wife; worshipping his wife's body, being teased and denied orgasm; and kissing her feet. Early in my WLM I thought that a night of kinky or fantasy fun would satisfy my husbands submissive desires for awhile but I soon learned I was wrong. It would only be a week or two later that he would be wanting more. I'm sure the craving came back sooner for him but he was doing his best not to bother me with it.

For women, understanding this craving can help you motivate your husband and also keep him from getting frustrated or from seeking relief to that craving through pornography and self gratification. Some men have such a deep and constant craving, that it is difficult to quench. I know many of the readers of my posts fit that category and if you are one of these men, my advice to you is that you need to better manage that craving or you will never be happy. I will write more about that in another post.

First, let's focus on the woman's role in managing the craving. I want to make it clear that the wife is the one in charge. In a WLM it is not her duty to cater to the husbands kinky desires. Having said that, one must also recognize that indulging in his desires is a sure way to motivate him to serve you. His brain is wired to crave submission and if you ingore that you are only going to create frustration and unhappiness, which is not what you want. On the other hand if you embrace his submission and recognize that you need to stoke that submission regularly to keep him motivated, you will end up with a very loyal and obedient husband.

The most effective thing you can do is create a structured enviroment in you daily life that results in a continuous submissive/dominant dynamic. This is done through creating many rules and expectations that he must follow, having regular rituals and routines, and having regular discipline or feedback sessions. The rules and expecations must be clearly defined with high expectations and consequences for disobedience and unsatisfactory performance.  For example, a rule could be that bathrooms must be cleaned every Saturday. Cleaning includes cleaning toilet, sink, and tub, sweeping/mopping the floor, and wiping down the walls and mirrors. Notice that the expectations are very clear of what needs to be done and a deadline is given. When you have many rules like this, it creates a structured environment that appeals to the submissive mindset.

Rituals and routines have an emotional impact on him, which is a big part of the submissive dynamic. They are also helpful in keeping the WLM on track. It is easy for the wife to get caught up in day-to-day activties and not stoke his submission for days or weeks. Most women do not crave control in the same way a man craves submission and so we can go weeks without formally exerting control and think nothing of it. Men on the other hand, are desperate to feel controlled and desire it every day. A few days without control can make them feel neglected. Rituals an routines help prevent that from happening

I have written about incorporating rules,  rituals and routines into WLM in many of my past posts. I encourage you to read them to learn more. I also use fantasy days, boot camp training, and power trips as fun ways to tap into his submission. Are you intrigued by my descriptions? 😀 I had fun coming up with those. I will write about them and also how men need to manage their cravings in my next few posts.

In the meantime,  guys feel free to share your thoughts on the submissive craving so that the woman readers can get a better understanding of what I am talking about.

-Kaylee

Corner Time

Earlier this year I started using corner time as a punishment with Thomas. I'm finding that there are many benefits to corner time. What I like the most is how easy it is to administer. I simply send him to the corner and he goes. While he's in the corner, I can  watch TV, read a book, or go about my usual business in the house. I could even leave him alone for corner time but then I run the risk of him taking a more relaxed position and not feeling the full effects of the punishment.  Also, I think my presence during his corner time adds a bit of embarrassment for him and makes him feel more submissive. I also think he looks cute kneeling still in the corner :)

Another benefit of corner time is that it can be used for many situations. There are many variations of how you can use corner time, which means it can range from a mild punishment all the way up to a severe punishment. A mild punishment would be having your husband kneel or stand in the corner for a short amount of time. A longer amount of time increases the un-comfort, making it a more severe punishment. Other ways to increase the severity of the punishment is to require him to keep his nose pressed against the wall or have him hold a coin or piece of paper against the wall with his nose You could even have him hold his arms out while standing.

I read a post where a woman had her husband hold a dildo against the wall with his mouth. I thought that was a creative and fun idea that adds a bit of humiliation to the punishment. Little things like that create a deeper feeling of submission in men, which help to elevate your authority and power. The act of being sent to the corner in itself is embarrassing for men as they are being treated like a child. This clearly demonstrates a superior/submissive relationship similar to a mother-child and I think that dynamic is another wonderful benefit of corner time.

I also like corner time because it is a quiet punishment. I don't spank Thomas anymore because I have teenage kids and I do not need to be explaining to them why they are hearing loud slaps in our bedroom :). Instead I close the door and send Thomas to the corner. If the kids come knocking, then he grabs his robe. So far that's not been a problem. Because corner time is so discreet, you could even do it while away or if others are in the house. I've teased with my husband that if he acts up when we are with friends, I'll send him to the corner while they are in the house. If at someone else's house, I'll make him strip naked and stand in the bathtub.  I don't know if I'd truly to that but it is fun to tease him about it and it certainly keeps him on his best behavior.

Corner time is also a good add-on to a spanking or other punishment. After a spanking, the husband could be sent to the corner or he could be spanked while standing in the corner. So far I've only used it as a mild punishment. I'd almost consider my use of it as a combination of punishment and discipline. A constant struggle with Thomas is putting dishes and laundry away in the right spots as well as paying attention to some of the small details when I give him tasks to do. I started to use corner time as a way to punish him for his lack of focus and to motivate him to do better. For every item I find in the wrong spot, he gets 5 minutes of corner time. I find that less then 10 minutes it too easy for him, so he gets a minimum of 10 minutes in the corner. He knows to strip naked and kneel in the corner when I send him to the corner. Sometimes I will order him to wear his punishment panties or I may have him stand in the corner and lower his panties to mid-thigh or at his ankles and he must not drop them or his time in the corner is extended.

Since I implemented corner time I have noticed that he pays more attention when he puts things away and tries to remember where some of the less frequently used items go (those are the ones that often give him problems). His corner time has become less frequent, which is a great thing! It really is an easy and effective punishment. If you are not comfortable with spanking, corner time is a great alternative.

-Mz Kaylee

Getting Started in a FLR (by Debbie)

Below is a guest post from Debbie with advice on how to get started in a FLR.  I read through it and think her advice provides great guidelines for moving forward in a FLR.  Thanks Debbie for your contribution. -Mz Kaylee

Many women ask how to get started in an FLR, especially when they see how obedient and loving David is to me and to women he encounters at home and in work. Many men crave having a woman in charge but are afraid to raise the issue. Women often sense a man's submissive inclinations but fail to seize the opportunity to take control. How does one put the wheels in motion? Well, in every situation we've encountered it's the woman who recognizes her submissive husband's desires and takes charge. A woman friend, Diane, seeing how well David behaved and told me she wished her Jim would be better behaved. Sensing that Jim had submissive tendencies, I told her that all she had to do was assert herself and I could almost guarantee that she and Jim would be on the path to an FLR, Based on my experience with other couples and with my David I gave her some advice and even had David come in and attest to his complete satisfaction with my being in absolute control.

Girls, start small and as he acclimates to your authority accelerate the pace of your control. In our case David, like most men, is excited at the prospect of my having control. I was excited when David told me he wanted structure and routine in the relationship and I was only too happy to oblige him! I immediately started putting a set of rules in place. What kind of rules? Well consider the following:

1) Obedience - David recognizes that I am in charge and have ultimate authority. I may, MAY! consider his opinion but I am the ultimate authority and will make all decisions if I so choose. I give orders; I don't make suggestions or give choices. I order, he obeys!

2) Deference - David shows women respect and deference, not only at home or with relatives or friends but outside the home, too, in public and at work. It's “Yes, Ma'am” or “No, Ma'am”, NEVER “Yeah” or “No”. Women are to be addressed a “Madame” - We don't use 'Mistress' since I consider that to be the stuff of male fantasies and not conducive of an FLR. His deference extends to my family and girlfriends. He learned how each woman wanted to be addressed and complies with their wishes. My sister is Ms. Charon and my girlfriend, Paula, is Ms. Paula. Madam is always appropriate, for example, Madame Paula.

3) Housework - David was put on notice that he would eventually be doing ALL the housework, wash, iron, clean, vacuum, look after my wardrobe, and so on, Women have to invest some time instructing their man on how to do housework but it's a good investment on their part. David, as are most submissive men, was a quick learner and in short order he had a regular routine of housework that he loved. It took surprisingly little time before he was not only doing housework but doing it to my complete satisfaction! As he mastered household tasks I added more, a prospect that excited him. I don't do housework any more; my submissive hubby does it all! YES, ALL of it. He has a set routine of work every day of the week that includes serving me, my family, and my woman friends. I allow David some free time every day but ONLY if his housework is done. You can imagine what his doing housework does for me; I can relax, read, watch TV, go out with my girlfriends, or date - yes, I date. I decided to start dating when one of the guys in the office started asking me out - David has no say in the matter.

4) Finances - I advise women contemplating an FLR to quickly take control of the couple's finances; doing so will solidify your absolute control! More on this later in a post that I will dedicate to this important aspect of an FLR.

5) Discipline. Women should accept the fact that, from time-to-time, they will have to discipline their husbands. Women do themselves AND their husbands a favor when they administer discipline, but more on this in a future post.

6) His friends and leisure activities - Women should be in absolute control of her man's hobbies, friends, and outside activities. Women are sometime reluctant to exert control but her doing so is beneficial to the FLR. You don't want hubby going out with 'the boys' and having bad patriarchal attitudes undoing the rules and routines you've spent so much time putting in place. Again, more in a future post.

His reward? Know he is pleasing me and living a rich, submissive lifestyle. You'll be amazed at all you can accomplish in a short time.

Debbie

The Magic of Panties

Men are fascinated with our panties. There is something magical about panties when it comes to men. From young boys all the way up to old men, a simple glimpse of a woman's panties stirs their arousal and can set off fantasies. How many men have been caught stealing panties? Just for fun I googled it and there were pages of news stories about men caught stealing and sniffing panties. There certainly is no shortage of "upskirt" pictures on the web. It seems that men are dying to see, feel, and yes, even sniff our panties.

A sexy pair of panties in the bedroom can drive a man wild. My husband's eyes are always glued to me when I walk around in panties and bra but there are a few pairs that really grab his attention. His favorites are the shiny silk or satin panties and panties with lacy bottoms. The right pair of panties will most definitely increase your sex appeal and draw your man's attention to you.

Knowing that men are drawn to panties...what is a woman to do with that power? There are many fun things you can do to tap into this fascination that men have with panties.

Stroke his cock with panties
Wrapping a soft or silky pair of panties around his cock and stroking away will certainly elevate his arousal. The magic of panties makes the teasing so much more exciting for him. Having him finish in them is an extra treat for him but be sure to make him hand wash them to clean up his mess. What really drives my husband crazy is when I lightly drag them across his balls and cock over and over again. It's fun to watch his cock twitch as I tease him with the soft fabric.

Condition him to respond to panties
I get a thrill out of conditioning my husband to naturally respond to things; like the Pavlov's dog effect.For example, I've conditioned my husband to get aroused when he comes to give me a foot massage. An idea to try with panties is to only allow him to cum when he's being stroked with panties and use the same pair of panties each time you are going to allow him to cum. Now you can be direct with him and let him know that he will only be allowed to cum when being stroked by those panties but I think it's more fun to let him figure it out on his own. After cumming into panties a few times, he's sure to associate the panties with an orgasm for him. Once that connection is made, let the fun begin! Try leaving the panties lying around in the open and quietly watch his behavior. I bet his eyes drift to them several times. He may even comment on them, hoping that an orgasm is on its way. Another thing you can do is to secretly give them to him when you are out in public and say something like "Don't lose these. We are going to need them for later." It's sure to drive him wild.

Secret panty exchange
That is a good lead into the next idea: Have you ever heard of anyone who slipped off their panties in public and secretly handed them to their boyfriend. I knew a girl who did this in college at a banquet.  It may have been done secretly but but by the end of the night the guys in the room knew about it and were envious. To the guys, there was something exciting, naughty, and sexy about what transpired.  Her boyfriend followed her around like a puppy dog the rest of the night. He could not wait to go him with her. Oh the things kids do! Why not be a kid again, and give the secret panty exchange a try.

Make him sniff your panties
Next let's talk about our panty sniffing men. My guess is that pretty much encompasses every man. Yes, ladies, as disgusting as it may sound, men want to smell our panties. You can bet that your husband has probably secretly sniffed yours at some point. A pair of used panties is like gold to them. Men even pay women to send them their used panties. It brings out the animal in men. The scent of our sex and knowing that the delicate fabric was rubbing our most private area is enough to drive them wild. Now that you know this, it's time to have fun with it. Slide your panties over his head and order him to inhale your scent. There are two scenes you can play out here to tap into his submissive mind. One is to tease that he is a dirty, naughty boy for wanting to sniff your panties and getting excited by it. You can tease at how your sex makes him weak and the more he breathes in your scent, the weaker he becomes and the more he falls under you control He will love it! You may even decide to punish (playfully) him for being so naughty.

The other approach, which I like the most, is to view his sniffing habit as a form of worship. He is worshipping you and your feminine power through inhaling your sexual scent. The more he inhales the deeper his devotion to you becomes and the more he falls under your power. I can toss a pair of my panties to my husband and order him to worship them and he knows what to do. There is strong symbolism at work here, which will take him into deep submission. There are many ways you can incorporate panty sniffing into your relationship.  During sexual play you can order him to sniff or you can place them over his head yourself. He can wear them over his head in just about any situation including kneeling before you, during a punishment, while you tease him, or while sleeping. Sometimes when my husband goes on an overnight business trip, I will slip a pair of my used panties into his suitcase as a treat with a note ordering him to worship daily. If you have any rituals, panty sniffing can be incorporated into the ritual. If you have never forced your husband to worship your panties, you must give it a try! No matter how crazy it sounds, this is one of those things that drive all men wild, even if they are not submissive. You will surely have him under your spell.

Gag him!
Something else you can do is gag him with your panties. Push them into his mouth and order him to keep quiet.  This can be done while you tease him, as part of a punishment or simply when you want him to be quiet.  Again, the symbolism hear is strong.  Having your used panties with the scent of your sex on them, shoved into his mouth can be quite a power trip and push him deep into submission.

Have him hand wash your panties
When it comes to his panties, he always has to hand wash them. No boy panties are allowed in my laundry; house rules.  From time-to-time I will require him to hand wash my panties. I see this as another from of worship. I like to make it a daily ritual. I will either drop my panties on the floor and he has to fetch them before he goes to bed or I will make him pull them off me. He must hand wash them before he goes to bed and hang them to dry. A few times, instead of the daily routine, I've ordered him to dig through the dirty laundry and pull out all my panties and hand wash them. I like doing this after I've teased and denied him so he's nice and horny while he does it.

Make him wear panties
Finally, the last idea I'd like to mention about panties is to force him into a pair.  This is where there is real magic for many men.  I've seen it with my husband. Every time he slips on a pair for me, he gets a small erection.  All I have to do is tell him how cute he looks in them and his erections grows. When he wears panties he becomes quiet and docile. It's amazing the effect it has on him. I can not explain it. You can make him wear them in the bedroom just for fun or you can have him wear them under his clothes during the day. I have a special pair he has to where whenever he is punished. I will make him wear them for several days after the punishment.  the idea that this is something you can do on occasion for fun or something that can be required on a daily basis. With Thomas I started out just doing it occasionally but once I started realizing the effect they had on him, his panty wearing became more frequent.  Let's just say now he spend  much more time in panties during the year then in his boring boy underwear.

I've written a post about putting your man in panties so I will not go into the details here.  I'll just leave you with a few tips:

• The more pretty and feminine the panties the better. A nice silk bow on the back is a nice touch.  As the girly factor goes up, it squashes his mail ego more and pushes him deeper into submission. Thomas has a much sexier collection of panties than I do.
• Thongs are great for punishments because his ass is exposed and so you can spank him while he wears them.  The string up his ass is also a great reminder during the day that he is being punished and needs to improve his behavior
• If you are going to have him in panties on a regular basis, be sure to get him many different styles that hug his body in different ways.  This keeps him from getting used to a particular pair.  If he gets too used to a pair, the effect of panties wears off.  During the winter, mix in a pair of panty hose just for fun.  The tightness all over his feet and legs will certainly have an effect on him.

To my fellow Goddesses, be sure to use the magic of panties to seduce and control your husband. Spend more time in them in front of him. If you are feeling adventurous give one of the ideas above a try. I think you will be pleasantly surprised at the results.  Please share your experiences with this.

Mz Kaylee